Hey readers! I am about to blow you away with some secret intel from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. You are going to be totally shocked, I'm sure. Here it is…Carlton Gebbia is really not a fan of Kyle Richards. Oh, you already gathered that? We all must be as intuitive as Carlton is! After the witchy blow-up on Monday's episode, Carlton is recapping her showdown with Kyle in her Bravo blog. Lisa Vanderpump always seems to get sucked into these dinner parties, doesn't she?
Carlton begins with her observations about Kyle, writing, "Watching Kyle's talking head as she's constantly rude about Lisa (her friend) only compounds and confirms my feelings towards her. Talk about smiling at one's face and then stabbing them in the back. But I guess that's her M.O. I know I'm not wrong about her, and I definitely know I'm not the only one who feels this."
After calling out Lisa for regretting to her painting party at the last minute, Yolanda feels the need to defend herself after what happened in Andy Cohen's clubhouse last week. She begins, 'First, I wanted to clear up Brandi's jab at me with her tweet while I was on WWHL saying I cancelled dinner plans with her. It surprised me because it would have been justified if I had been a hypocrite and cancelled plans with her and instead taken a business meeting that was more important — but that’s absolutely not what happened! I cancelled because I was dealing with my crying child across the country in NY who was just diagnosed with a disease we were trying to figure out. This is something I shared with B in good faith — but not something I wanted to share with all of you because that’s my daughter’s privacy. But since Brandi brought it up on national TV, I feel I have to clarify the situation."
Just when you think the twists on Vanderpump Rules can't get any twistier – they do! Now the entire plotline is like one of those loop-de-loop straws where you go cross-eyed trying to watch the liquid wind through the twists and curves. It sure makes for exciting TV, though!
Things begin with the annual SUR photoshoot. The theme is always endless summer because what is SUR if it's not attractive near-naked people doing Vegas-y things, which is what everyone wants near their food.
Kristen Doute is not participating because she's practically fired for her antics last week and the week before and the week before… and basically since the land before time. Lisa Vanderpump really doesn't care if Kristen bangs Jax Taylor, but she better not bring her hoochie drama into Lisa's restaurant. Lisa has lines, and although those lines are twistier and blurry-er than a bendy straw, they are there.
Lisa's other concern, besides Kristen's behavior, is Jax's lack of remorse over the entire thing. He's at the photoshoot flaunting his pecs and bragging about how the male modelizer is baaack baby! Not quite. True Fact: I remember seeing Jax in Vogue in days of yore. It sure is a shame that he has destroyed his looks. He should just get on with his inevitable destiny of marrying Lindsay Lohan and having some trainwreck reality show starring Dr. Drew Fakesy.
Last night Carlton Gebbia really let the witch out of the bag – flying broomsticks, evil spells, creepy crystal floral talismans and all!
Kyle Richards andLisa Vanderpump are friends-ish again. Well at least for the sake of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills purposes. Since Ken and Mauricio truly are friends, Kyle and Lisa decide to get together with Kevin Lee (!!) to throw a joint birthday party. Oh Kevin Lee… let's discuss what's going on atop your head: part Brillo pad, part tasered porcupine: too much hair gel, mmmkay.
As Lisa and Kyle divvy up the guest list Kyle gets all porcupiney - she just wants to know why there's gotta be teams allocating who invites whom.
UGH – let's just take a moment to discuss Kyle. Listen, Kyle was annoying me the whole episode: she kept making her little snarky comments, making everything into a bigger deal than it was, and sneaking in shade while acting like everything was fine – basically she was Splits-ing. But then CARLTON! Snarlton… SNARLTON with her Wicked Witch of The Valley complete with California Raisin face had to go all wicca-wacka and made me feel bad for Kyle. There's more to Kyle's witchiness than her fondness for flowing robes, but compared to Snarlton, Kyle is a sweet innocent.
"Mostly, they bum around Los Angeles sleeping with each other’s partners, drinking too much and squabbling endlessly, but at the end of the day, they’re all just lost kids with failed dreams who work in the service industry and happen to be trailed by a production crew."
This line is from a recent Time article, and may I say that it's pure genius and totally accurate. That's right, we're getting high-brow up in here! The piece is on the crew from Vanderpump Rules and seeks to explain viewers' fascination with mean girl Stassi Schroeder, man whore Jax Taylor, and the rest of Lisa Vanderpump's attractive SUR minions. It's certainly my guilty pleasure and last night's finale was everything I hoped for and more!
During an appearance on WWHL, a caller asked Lisa if she thinks she mothers Brandi like she does the Sur staff. Lisa confessed, "Guilty as charged. Absolutely. I do feel Brandi was struggling and I really wanted to help her because I loved her."
Andy asked Lisa if she knew it was bugging Brandi, "I did eventually. That's why I kind of backed off because I thought I was damned either way. But I did really care about her."
Lisa Vanderpump and Jax Taylor were Andy's guests tonight on Watch What Happens Live. Jax shared that this was his first time watching the explosive season finale of Vanderpump Rules and he finally feels some remorse for sleeping with his best friend's girl.
Lisa shared her take on tonight's episode, "I found it so disconcerting. I'm so upset with him still. " Andy asks if there's anything that he did or said that irritated her on tonight's episode, "Everything he said really pissed me off but the one thing is when he said 'you came twice sweetheart' to Kristen." Lisa proceeded to smash a breakaway bottle over Jax's head (Andy provided her with a box of them..). "No remorse. That's what I'm saying."
Jax shared that he DOES feel bad NOW. "We watched the episode together and after seeing it and watching myself on there, it was hard to watch. I really feel like a piece of shit."