Last night on Real Housewives Of Orange County the ladies played Bravo’s most popular game: She/said-She/Said. The winner was Meghan Edmonds, who claimed the ‘Pot Stirrer Meet Kettle’ award. Because honestly, accusing someone else of being a pot stirrer in defense of Tamra Judge is absolutely ludicrous beyond belief!
As is always the case on vacations Tamra and Vicki Gunvalson can’t keep it in their pants… their bodily functions that is. After a night of binge drinking Tamra, Vicki, and Shannon Beador are in no condition to go on an underwater excursion. As Tamra termed it she can’t stop s#*!ing herself. Can we get Tamra and Vicki some sort of potty training refresher course? Meanwhile not even the nebulizer can clear out Shannon’s brain.
Heather Dubrow, wearing DENIM CUTOFFS (it was like an alien sighting — but she looked great), barges in to try to rally them, but even her assurances that she had Depends and wipes in her Birkin couldn’t get Vicki and Shannon to come along. Tamra dragged herself aboard the bus and worked diligently not to poop her 1992 Hair Band video vixen hot pink one-piece during the boat trip.
Well, Lizzie Rosvek wasn’t pregnant (at least on the Tahiti trip) after all. Considering the build up in last week’s Real Housewives of Orange County blog, it feels like a bit of a let down! But Lizzie has more to reflect on than taking a Vicki Gunvalson-supplied EPT test, commenting this week on her business, her feelings about Mo’orea so far, and her take on Meghan Edmonds’ statements about mothering her step children.
Lizzie updates us on Sun Kitten, her swimwear line first: “I’m gearing up for a big week with Sun Kitten. We are shooting the 2016 campaign tomorrow in Newport Beach. I’m very excited about the new collection and I can’t wait to share it with all of you.” But let’s move on to Tahiti, shall we? Thankfully, Lizzie shares, “I finally received my luggage and it felt so good to put fresh clothes on after two days.”
“I have watched this episode a few times and laughed so hard all weekend!” begins Shannon. “I have to say that our second day in Mo’orea was one of the most fun ‘girl days’ I have ever had!!!” Although things didn’t start off so rosy, given that Shannon began the trip sick, and broke her nebulizer. “My nebulizer blew up and I had to rent a Tahitian one that I couldn’t figure out how to use! I had sinus surgery years ago and now the drainage goes to my lungs — I cough every day and it is a nightmare! I hate using a nebulizer!!!”
The Real Housewives Of Orange County are in Tahiti, which means Meghan Edmonds is dishing out lectures on how to behave all cultured and classy-ish while Tamra Judge is desperate to show off her new jugs with some topless swimming. When not in America be like the French! Thank goodness Governess Heather Dubrow was supervising this trip to keep these bitches in line. Heather is demanding a raise – she has diamond-studded Champs Doorbells to buy!
First things first, the group boards a ferry to get to their final destination: Moorea. Like any good horror movie it starts with the heroine getting the feeling that something is wrong…. Vicki Gunvalson‘s suspicions grew in proportion to Meghan’s hair soufflé, which expanded like a Chia Pet … getting pouffier and pouffier… meanwhile Vicki was feeling pukier and pukier – even her dry heaves sound like whoo hoos.
As a “Friend of the Housewives” on this season’s Real Housewives of Orange County, Lizzie Rovsek has shown up in a lot of scenes, but hasn’t shared much about her personal story. In her blog, Lizzie tells us what she’s been up to, both personally and professionally (and even hints that she might be pregnant with baby number three!). She also gives us her take on Tahiti, her feelings about newbie Meghan Edmonds, and how Vicki Gunvalson is “a little hard on” Meghan – which Lizzie can relate to, having been the newest Vicki Victim OC Housewife just last year.
Updating us on her swimsuit line, Lizzie shares, “I’m gearing up for the 2016 Sun Kitten Swimwear campaign. I am so excited about the new collection! I’m also shipping suits off this week for Miss Teen USA. Sun Kitten is the official swimwear sponsor of Miss Teen USA (as well as Miss USA).” She also extends kind words to the Edmonds family after their recent loss. “I want to share my condolences to the Edmonds family on LeAnn’s passing. My heart breaks for Hayley and Lauren. They lost their mother way too soon. God has blessed them with a wonderful stepmother in Meghan and a very loving father.”
Before traveling to Tahiti our unfortunate Housewives are forced to take part in a couples game night hosted by Meghan. Because Meghan takes her job as being a HashtagCoolStepMom very seriously, Hayley, her 17-year-old stepdaughter is involved in the planning of said party. Meghan, confusing a grownup party with her own Candy Land Princess-themed birthday party, went to Party City and bought balloons and giant bags of candy. If Heather Dubrow were planning this, she’d hire a French chocolatier to hand-craft custom-flavored truffles decorated with the family insignia. Alas, this is Meghan we’re dealing with so Blow Pops it is.
Tamra is preparing to go to Northern California with her mom to witness her granddaughter’s birth. Sarah, Ryan’s wife, has a scheduled c-section and Tamra is bummed Ryan will be in the delivery room instead of the TAM-MA. After all WHO has more experience with babies?! #Astro.
The whole situation is a bit bittersweet, however, because Vicki is leaving for Chicago for her mother’s funeral and Tamra is sad she won’t be able to attend. Tamra deals with her grief by focusing on how she’ll be the hottest grandma in the OC and that her mom Sandra will be the hottest great-grandma. She instructs Sandra to get a full-body health scan and then have some sex for the other type of full-body scan, so she doesn’t die. Only Tamra would combine sex and death and grandmothers in a heart-to-heart. I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not…