Shiva Safai may be 33 years younger than Mohamed but that doesn’t mean she’s immature. Shiva moved to L.A. at 19; her brothers soon followed, so she’s spent the ensuing years mothering them and desperately steering them out of the arms of overly-sexy hoochies. It’s a constant battle. Her brother Shayan especially has difficulty meeting a lady of appropriate means, so Shiva volunteers to fix him up with a girl who isn’t too sexy – someone more like herself: caring, maternal, gold digging, perfect.
Last night’s Second Wives Club was all about miscommunication. Like, was the boat supposed to be a yacht? Is owning a nail salon worse than being an Instagram model? Is “junky” a compliment? Does “single” on Facebook mean single in real life? Oh the quandaries to ponder!
Tania Mehra is “busy” “planning” her wedding. Sometimes. No one is sure if this wedding is an actual thing or some sort of figment of Tania’s imagination where pigs fly on wings of diamonds and dinghies sail to Cannes with P. Diddy on board. To keep up the pretense, Tania invites some of the girls to a tasting of potential wedding food. Katie Cazrola‘s appetite is lost by sitting next to Morisa Surrey‘s constant chatter. Like, can a Pisces eat fish or is that cannibalism? Is a farmed salmon still a real salmon?
Last night on Second Wives Club, Shiva Safai continued to mother this unwieldy herd better than she wrangles her own swans. And she did so all while wearing couture in Harpers Bazaar. She may not have the wedding ring, but she literally has everything else – including the love.
Shiva and Mohamed are featured on the cover of Harpers Bazaar Interiors and that’s your daily pretty. On the other side of the spectrum, Veronika Obeng‘s life is imploding before a computer screen in a badly-lit office, where she suspects her husband Dr. Michael Obeng is cheating. Last week, Veronika made her much-fruitful life seem like a perpetual conjugal bliss of reproduction and building the chin plant king of Beverly Hills’ empire, this week she paints a more tawdry picture. We went from Monet to Grant Wood’s American Gothic.
Last night was the series premiere of Second Wives Club, a show that is kind of like Housewives except the women are bonafide trophy wives who are barely old enough to drink. So far, I think the show is kinda fun.
Last night on the finale of Celebrity Apprentice, the blustering balloon of buffoonery that is Geraldo Rivera was deflated. And for that, we are eternally thankful. Meanwhile, a new winner was crowned – one deserving, classy, and hard-working – without shenanigans or drama. Sorry I-an ZierLING, it wasn’t you, it was Leeza Gibbons! Congrats lady.
I, personally, think Leeza should been awarded with a rhinestoned crown, bedecked with dollars, and coins, and a sash that read THE Celebrity Apprentice. It would perfectly tie-in with Donald Trump‘s Miss Universe Pageant – that opportunity for cross-marketing was woefully overlooked! If nothing else than for Kenya Moore‘s eyes to turn into lasers at someone else’s pageantry, and for her arguably, possibly, silicone butt to melt into a puddle of wasted dreams and toxic antics. I’m sure we’d also find the charred remains of Vivica A. Fox‘s cellphone in that mess!
It was a live season finale, which meant plenty of opportunity for Donald to slaughter the contestants names ( Ke$HIA Knight Pull-HIM – which sounds like a porn star alter-ego) and for Geraldo to refer to Leeza as “high functioning” – apparently likening her with one of the lovely developmentally disabled individuals his charity supports. He meant it to be complimentary.
Last night Donald Trump started off Celebrity Apprentice by demanding one of the remaining three celebrities plead their case to remain in the game. It was down to Vivica A. Fox, Geraldo Rivera and Leeza Gibbons. Naturally, human drama cannon Geraldo was not going anywhere.
Leeza attempts to blow sunshine up Geraldo’s patootie about what an amazing player he is. Smart move: she knows she can beat the pants off him and wants Vivica out of the game. I am sure Geraldo would gladly remove his pants, however, to pose for another naked selfie, just to reiterate how he started the selfie craze.
However, Vivica, after surviving “Toxic Trick”, decided the fight was not left in her. It must be the menopause making her act crazy, because she eliminates herself and promotes Leeza. So Vivica is fired and Geraldo espouses about how he is impossible to take down unless you are a KKK member on his 1987 talk show where he broke his nose.
Celebrity Apprentice continues to weed-out the calm players to make room for the drama to really roll out. And like a switch being flipped last night Kenya Moore set the wheels in motion. Finally – because we’ve been hearing about how so-called vicious this season was and I haven’t seen much evidence of that lately!
Of course, most exciting was Joan Rivers appearing posthumously as an angel from fashion critique past. Awww… Joan, how we’ve missed you and your acerbic wit. I hope Heaven hasn’t made you any less caustic.
It’s not that I’m disappointed by the rollicking hubris of Geraldo Rivera, but at this point it’s as wholly predictable as Kate Gosselin being self-absorbed and bitchy. #BeenThereDoneThat! I’m starting to believe Geraldo is losing his touch because he’s been on the losing team two challenges in a row! Geraldo… don’t rest on your laurels!
Tonight is an all new episode of Celebrity Apprentice and will be bittersweet! The show will feature one of the final TV appearances by the late Joan Rivers. We have a clip of tonight’s episode below, as well as photos of the cast from the TCAs in NYC. Of course, the cat-fighting continues tonight with Kenya vs Vivica and Kenya vs Brandi. And I’m sure Geraldo will annoy our faces off again, too. ! We can’t wait!