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Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Recap

lhh atl scrappy

I'm curious…do you think VH1 and Mona Scott Young really, truly believe that viewers think Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta is a reality show? The acting is fantastically tragic and there is nothing real about it…except for that sex tape, clearly.

Nikko didn't tell Mimi Faust about his confrontation with Stevie J. immediately after it happened, but he spills the beans when they are driving the next day. When she learns that Nikko has told her ex about the deal Vivid, she has to pull over to read Nikko the riot act.  She is cruising in her new vehicle (thanks, Steven Hirsch!), and Mimi doesn't want to wreck it when she wrecks him. As she cusses up a storm, Nikko just laughs that Stevie shouldn't get her riled up like this. Mimi tries to kick him out of her ride, but when he refuses, she's the one who storms off on foot.

Lil' Scrappy is eating eggs with Erica P…or at least he hopes to be scrambling some things with her. He arrives at her house to find out that she's lit candles and served wine, and he wonders whether he's there to pray or have sex. Scrappy is a bit nervous, but he wants to be a better person. He is feeling guilty about Bambi and he wants to think with this head and not his hiz-ead. Scrappy shuts down Erica's advances, complimenting her that he'd definitely be with her if he didn't already have Bambi. And they say romance is dead!

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stevie j lhh atl

Please accept my sincerest apology. I dropped the ball in a major way! How did I not know that my favorite new scripted show Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta was on twice this week? Since the recap is already a day late, let's just dive right in to the insanity, shall we? 

Joseline Hernandez goes to Stevie J.'s man cave to continue to nag him about Mimi Faust's friends being all up in their business. Does she just wander around in lingerie all the time? Seriously, the sets, the lighting, the costumes, the horrible acting–this is NOT reality television! Stevie ignores his bride while surfing the Internet, and lo and behold! He's just happens across the blog story that shares Mimi's "leaked" sex tape with Nikko. Talk about coincidence!

Next, I was literally about to give up on all things Mona Scott Young when I saw just how bad Karlie Redd's acting is until I learned that she is supposed to be acting because she's in a "movie" now called 30 Days in Atlanta. Someone call Sundance!  Karlie is so thrilled to be in a relationship with Yung Joc. Not only is he younger and more successful than Benzino, he has a neck! Yung also doesn't like drama. She tap dances between making out with him and accusing him of cheating since he's wearing the same clothes she saw him in yesterday. Karlie thinks the best way to keep tabs on him is to for them to move in together. That is a GREAT idea!

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Stevies-White-House love hip hop atl

My, oh my! I'd forgotten so much about how last season's Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta ended, so I was like a kid at Christmas watching the highlights. The three-way proposal!  The three-way three-way! If this season is half as dramatic as last, we are in for a train wreck. Last night's premiere didn't disappoint. Stevie J. is certainly stepping up in the world, isn't he? He's living in the White House with Joseline Hernandez. Their shared mansion is 18,000 square feet, and the pair pour champagne for breakfast. It's a long way from Benzino's sofa! Joseline reveals that the couple got married in a courthouse, and she's ready for a lavish wedding. The dress she wants is only $25,000. A steal! Stevie wants a wedding celebration too, but first he'd like to focus on a shared birthday party since they were born one day apart.

Rasheeda and Kirk Frost are "back together" for the sake of their son Carter. Of course, by "back together" I mean they are living in the same house and co-parenting their newborn, but Rasheeda has banished him to a separate bedroom and I can guarantee you he's not getting any love from her. I'm sure he's keeping himself sane courtesy of the threesome memories from No Neck's cabin. Here's hoping Kirk doesn't act like as much of a douche as he did last season!

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lhh reunion4

It's so haa-arrr-arrd to say good-bye to Stevie Jaaaaaaayyyyeeeeeee!  Last night's final installment of the Love & Hip Hop Atlanta reunion was bittersweet.  On one hand, it's been an emotional roller coaster of a season, and this girl is drained, but on the other, speaking like Lil' Scrappy in the off-season tends to draw some strange looks in my place of biz-nigh-ee.

We'll jump right back into where Mona Scott Young left us…with Rasheeda and Kirk Frost's dysfunctional marriage.  The audience is stunned to re-watch Kirk suggest his wife get an abortion, and he says–with a straight face, no less!–that pulling out was a legitimate form of birth control.  What, is he sixteen?  Mona scolds Kirk when he laughs over the footage of his affair, and he again relays to Mona that he believes Rasheeda gave him a free pass.  Mimi Faust is all "oh no he didn't" from the sofas, and Drew knows better than do anything but nod in agreement to Mimi's outcry since he's sitting between her and Traci Reece.

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atl reunion 3

Y'all, I know you were as excited as I was to see the insanity unfold on last night's Love & Hip Hop ReunionMona Scott-Young is moving up in the hosting world and now has her own reunion band.  Touting the season as a Hip HOpera (why didn't I think of that??), she breaks down the drama from the past season before introducing the cast.  It's like a technicolor explosion.  Between K. Michelle's hair, Ariane's blue lipstick (yes, blue), Erica Dixon's eye make-up, and Mimi Faust's orange dress, I feel like I just woke up in Oz.  Kirk Frost gets booed, which he laughs off, because, hey, even he knows what a d-bag he is!  He is dressed like an extra on Miami Vice, by the way.

Mona is no idiot, so she immediately pits Joseline Hernandez against Mimi, and the requisite derogatory name-calling, cussing, and hopping off the sofa ensues.  Stevie J. stands up proudly, basking in the two women fighting over him.  Mimi assures him that he's sorely mistaken, right before dodging Joseline's stiletto.  We're off to a running start, I'd say.  We are treated to a highlight reel of all the frenemy feuds.  Ariane is the only sane one of the group.

After bringing up the status of Mimi and K. Michelle's friendship, Mimi rolls her eyes and tells Mona to ask K.  K. then compliments Mimi on her orange dress (it is pretty), and you could cut the tension with a knife.  Apparently Ariane's bridge building lessons weren't well received.  Speaking of failed peacemakers, Traci tries to share her intentions to get Erica and Shay speak about their issues.  Erica wonders if this is season two, not a rerun of season one, while Shay reminds Erica that she still isn't married to Lil' Scrappy.

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joseline

Has the season of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta already flown past us in a flurry of unblinged Rolexes, popcorn hos, no-necks, cabin fever (and flings!), and Joseline Hernandez one-liners?  Sadly, it appears so.  Last night was the season finale, and wow.  I don't know if Stevie J. totally appalls me, or if I should be impressed by his sheer ego induced stupidity.

The episode begins with Stevie asking Joseline to clarify her question.  She spells it out that she is asking him to marry her.  He's not willing to say yes, but he likes the ring so he'll wear it.  Joseline is special to him…and she buys him expensive gifts.  Stevie thinks that patience is a virtue, and Joseline is thrilled that he's kind enough to wear the token of her undying devotion.  Someone get her some self-esteem STAT.

Rasheeda invites Traci Reece, Erica Dixon, and Karlie Redd over for cocktails and nursery painting.  She reveals that she's having a boy…and that she's consulted an attorney about her situation with husband Kirk Frost.  Erica is saddened.  Whose dysfunctional relationship can she look up to now?  Speaking of, Rasheeda asks about Lil' Scrappy and his problem with the wiz-nigh-ee.

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hiphop5

Last night's Love & Hip Hop Atlanta had everything you could ask for in a drama…romance, drugs, infidelity, the possibilty of prison, an unexpected proposal, and, of course, boobs.  Lots and lots of boobs.  VH1, you know what viewers want to see! #sarcasm #ican'tunseejoseline'sbathingsuit

Kirk Frost is livid over Rasheeda's mom's mini-van mayhem that ruined a palm tree and set his moped on fire (after running over it multiple times).  He's willing to give his mother-in-law a pass, but had it been anyone else, he'd have come to blows.  Oh yes, Kirk.  You are so tough.  Rasheeda reveals that she's already spoken to an attorney about filing for divorce, and Kirk actually seems surprised.  He loves his wife and his family, and he's not all about those other women.  He reminds her that she kicked him out, but she tells him she didn't tell him to go screw around…she was hoping he'd fight to stay in her life.  Kirk is trying to skew Rasheeda's words to make his behavior at Benzino's cabin…and he's failing miserably.

Erica Dixon and Mimi Faust are commiserating about Lil' Scrappy and Stevie J. both use money for their daughters to keep the women indebted to them.  Erica is sick of Momma Dee, and she's tired of Scrappy always taking his crazy mom's side.  Mimi can relate…after all, the BMW Stevie bought for her definitely had strings attached.  The women continue to share stories and discuss the wonders of a good boob job.  It's perfectly normal conversation for the driving range!

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lhh atl3

It's time for another installment of everyone's favorite Peach State telenovela!  Last night's Love & Hip Hop Atlanta did not disappoint.  I found love with the kind hearted Poppa J. who makes Stevie's grossness and disgusting misogynistic actions even more of a mystery to me.

Rasheeda comes to Mimi Faust's apartment to vent about husband Kirk Frost's behavior at the lake with Benzino.  She reveals that, yes, she did tell Kirk to do him, so she can't be totally shocked by his trysts.  Um, no.  She told Kirk to do him, she didn't tell Kirk to do video vixens in a hot tub.  A teary Rasheeda remembers the Kirk she met as a teenager and cries that she didn't get married to get divorced…especially pregnant with his child.

Lil' Scrappy decides to do the right thing and redo his pee test.  Unfortunately, he's been smizz-ni-oking the marijuizzlefashizzle, and he's hoping the judge will be lenient with him.  Scrap's attorney has also given him the name of a good drug counselor who can help him get to the bottom of why he needs to get high.  One look at Momma Dee raving about how Erica Dixon is a farm animal in the pastures of her palace and I have his answer…free of charge.

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