Last night on Real Housewives of New York gale force winds and torrential rains swept through the tiny island of St. Barths. Yes, Hurricane Aviva had arrived and she was there with a vengeance and a fury. Whipping through the villa, shaking the trees with the huffs and blows of her screams and drenching the luxury with her tears and anger.
Oh, Aviva Drescher. She wanted a red carpet, a cookie, for her husband to be exalted as a saint all because she got on an airplane and showed up. Too bad everyone else was like, 'whatever bitch – have a drink.' So yeah – needless to say paths were crossed, enemy lines were drawn, and her arrival sank like a torpedoed submarine.
Before we get to all of that, the girls are still – shockingly – getting along, despite Pinot Singer's insistence at stalking the lovely and handsome pirate one night stand of LuAnn de Lesseps. 'Tomas! Whacha do last night? ' Pinot leered, wine sloshing over the top of her glass, wine bloat bursting out of her hideous flesh-colored dress, eyes popping and crackling with desire. Not desire for Tomas you understand, but desire for incriminating information.
Oh Countess. What a tangled web we weave…The etiquette queen of was caught up in a scandal on the most recent episode of her Housewives franchise. LuAnn De Lesseps, who is dating Ross GellarJacques Azoulay seemed to be straying to a more Johnny Depp-esque pirate beau when the Manhattannite women were vacationing in St. Barths.
While her cast mates wondered who she'd come home with after a night on the town, LuAnn found herself in a fistful of Italian lies after she fibbed about who came home with her after a night of partying on the island. The truth will set you free, LeAnn…or at least, it won't make it look like you're hooking up with a pirate while your French boyfriend waits in New York to give you a new baby. Oh the scandal!
While it would appear that LuAnn de Lesseps dogged out on longtime boyfriend Jacques Azoulay and snuck Tomas, a pre-teen pirate, into her bedroom at a luxury villa in St. Barths, LuAnn denies the allegations. She claims that while it looks bad it was actually quite innocent and that she should never have told a “white lie” by denying that Tomas was at the villa. Remember she kept insisting it was “old Italian friends.”
“He gave me a ride home and wanted to see the house, so I brought him in. Then he left. That was it,” LuAnn insists to Life & Style.”I told Jacques exactly what happened. He and I are still in love and happy.” In fact, LuAnn says the couple who is allegedly trying for a storyline baby (should Jacques don a pirate costume to stimulate her ovaries?) are on vacation right now. Hopefully not in St. Barths!
Today’s bitch please award goes to LuAnn de Lesseps who told a big ol’ whopper on national TV and got caught! Ohhh girl, c’mon – everyone knows Bravo loves to expose a misdeed.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York the ladies arrived in St. Barths. On the teeny, tiny plane to the island nearly everyone is uncomfortable and I was wishing and hoping for a moment straight out of the seventies spoof movie Airplane. Inflata-auto-pilot? Yes, please.
So they all landed in peace and that was about the only peaceful moment of the trip. Actually I take that back everyone got along remarkably well and kept it in check especially considering Pinot Singer AND Heather Thomson AND LuAnn were there!
Last week’s episode of Real Housewives of New York brought drama from end to end. Pinot Singer and Heather Thomson have been butting heads all season and things came to a peak last week with a ridiculous, over-blown argument at a supposedly “upscale” party. In the midst of the chaos, Heather called Ramona “crazy” cause hey, she is. Well, as you can imagine, that didn’t go so well.
“Calling a man’s wife crazy was probably not the best approach but initially Mario didn’t seem to disagree that Ramona was acting irrational. And in light of her behavior, I think crazy wasn’t far off the mark,” Heather writes in her Bravo Blog.
“Ramona should be fighting her own ‘bottles,’ but instead of facing her issues she’s dropping bombs and then and running off, like always, and I am left to face Mario now.”
Ramona and Sonja are cackling drunkie-drunkifers who happen to be charming in their own minds. Delusional, desperate, clinging to the disillusion that they matter, and running amok like a middle-aged hasbeen PinotDee and PinotDumb. It’s time to put down the wine and the antics and grow the eff up. Turtle Time is over.
Things begin where they left off with Heather Thomson and Aviva Drescher meeting beak to beak to discuss the inappropriateness of talking behind someone’s back. And ironically, Ramona is hiding right behind Heather’s back listening in. Cue an wine-fueled embarrassing meltdown of screaming obscenities across someone else’s party.
Leaping lizards! This week’s Real Housewives of New York followed the same formula it has all season: Heather Thomson is frustrated with Sonja Morgan and her toaster oven shenanigans, Sonja is flighty, Jacques gets more Gellar-like, criticism goes over LuAnn de Lesseps‘ head, Aviva Drescher has anxiety and a kinky, super tan dad, Reid is adorbs, Carole Radziwill is the voice of reason with a less than stellar wardrobe, and Heather’s Cheshire cat grin irks the poo out of pinot swilling Ramona Singer. Lather, rinse, repeat. So it was kind of a shock to learn that this episode was the most watched since the premiere with 1.7 million viewers tuning in to the Bravo show.
Thankfully, we have the women’s Bravo blogs to rehash the events of the week. Let the passive aggressive digs begin!