It's that time of year again. You know what I mean… The time of year when the annual Dancing With The Stars casting speculation resumes in earnest.
We thought we'd help ABC out a bit by dropping some hints about which reality stars we absolutely need (ok want, but semantics, right?) to see strap on a shiny sequined leotard, drop the magical ten pounds, and prance their way into public humiliation whileDerek Houghgyrates them into a sequined disco ball statue.
Tonight is all about Miami heat! The ladies of Real Housewives of Miami are getting their first official reunion (if you recall the first one was a WWHL special, aka cluster eff). While not much of the drama has been leaked (what?! Unfathomable), according to previews it is bound to be off the chains.
One snippet reveals that Lea Black gets into it with a strangely worked up Ana Quincoces. Is she really trying to hang onto her contract by being Marysol Patton's ardent defender again? #getyourownstoryline. Messing with the Mayor of Miami and her massive jewels is no way to make friends or influence people, girl!
Below are some photos from tonight's reunion as well as a preview of what's to come!
As always we'll be live-tweeting the drama even if it's too hot to handle. We'll also be focusing on who is wearing what and looks/best and worst! It's the little things in life…
[Photo Credit: Andy Cohen’s Twitter]
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TELL US – ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT THE REUNION? WHO DO YOU THINK WILL CAUSE THE MOST DRAMA AT THE REUNION?
On last night's finale of Real Housewives of Miami things were peaceable, nice, and sweet. I kinda expected the reunion to be filmed sans moderator in Vicki Gunvalson's backyard circa S1 of RHOC, aka before these shows descended into non-stop fighting, backstabbing, and made-for-TV personal problems.
Nope, last night's episode featured real, honest-to-goodness drama, and sweetness. I guess after a season of crazy why not end on a high note?
Things begin with the girls still in Bimini. Apparently the bad weather has stranded them and trying to turn lemons into lemonade an energetic Marysol Patton suggests a "Healing Water" ceremony involving flowers and Pucci worn with aquashoes. Marysol explains that her mother believes making a wish and throwing flowers over your head into water can cleanse negative energy and help us find closure and peace.
Lea Black had been passing the time talking to all her friends in jail and so she's game. I mean who wants to hear some wealthy con complain about the frozen peas and lukewarm gravy in the minimum security prison when you could be on vacation right? Adriana de Moura laughs that while alone in their cells at night they're all fantasizing about Lea and Lea didn't seem to find that image appetizing.
Aaaaahhh… girls trip. Never a more ominous phrase in the reality TV vernacular, right? And last night it was no exception for the Real Housewives of Miami.
Like all girls trips it started off innocently enough; there were the usual shenanigans of missing identification, too much luggage, small plane anxiety, and of course master bedroom mayhem. But the new twist was 'Oops I caught your boyfriend cheating!'
Yeah,Karent Sierra, her teeth, and her smile were bamboozled, blindsided, and backed into a corner. And for a second – just one, small, teensy-weensy second – her smile faltered, the shine of the veneers started to fade, and the future didn't look so blinding white and perfect. Karent learned an important reality TV lesson last night – don't eff with a Real Housewife because those girls are vicious. More vicious than piranhas and they will eat their own for relevance. Well, some of them. It was the initiation of a new Housewife in full force.
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami we were exposed to the parental lineage of the Housewives clan. No not just Mama Elsa, but we met Fembot Fakenstein's in-laws and Joanna Krupa's mama. And Adriana de Moura hosted an anniversary party for the parents of the man she's been stringing along for years and will probably never marry until Bravo agrees to shell-out for the wedding and a spinoff.
Things begin with Lea Black having a birthday party for her eleven-year-old son RJ. They've decided to host the party at the "new house" on Star Island which they are planning to gut renovate so it doesn't matter if the wild boys tear up the joint. And since this is how Housewives roll Lea decides to invite some of her fellow-Housewives, plus Elaine Lancaster, to cause some drama.
Fembot shows up first, very early, and nervy beans but ready to rip on Lea's not-yet-redone home. Then Alexia Echevarria, Elaine, and Lisa Pliner (who whaddya wanna bet is auditioning for next season's cast). Immediately talk turns to Marysol Patton and the drama at Lisa's party last week.
Lisa P is still Team Elaine and maintains that Marysol tried to convince her to hire someone else over Elaine, citing it would be free. Elaine/James is highly incensed and everyone bickers back and forth about Marysol's motives. Lisa perceived it as Marysol was attacking her. Alexia defended Marysol as being non-confrontational. It's so rare to see Housewives defend each other. #shocking
You can't not love Mama Elsa. Or maybe you can. I will say she's given me several moments of pause this season. I like to think that the celebrity has just gone to her head, and who can blame her for that?
I will say that Real Housewives of Miami has come back in a way no one anticipated. Sure, the series started out as an awkward cooking show that morphed into a housewives favorite, but I'm still shocked. I just can't believe that these women have become such a popular reality staple. Yes, I love them, but I'm also really proud. I feel they've come a long way. Mama Elsa totally forged this franchise.
I think we all learned a good lesson on Real Housewives of Miami last night. Thomas Kramer's house is no place for Housewives of any strife, location, or wig-wearing persuasion.
The creepy, weird older guy who hosted the ladies of Atlanta on an unforgettable girls weekend two seasons ago, once again did Housewives no favors by hosting the ladies of Miami for an atrocious dinner party where the lest desirable thing at the table was Thomas himself. Look dude, if you think telling an 80-year-old woman to sit down and shut-up because she's nearing her expiration date is going to get you a reality show, you're mistaken.
Things begin at Lea Black's house withMama Elsa and a case of missing mozzarella. Apparently Mama Elsa wants Lea and Marysol Patton to make up, but Lea has a conflict of interest – or two. One of them is 8 foot tall drag queen in a 40" wide wig named Elaine Lancaster. And the other is that essentially that The Patton Group screwed up The Black Gala two years in a row and there was nary an apology in sight.
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami there were dueling psychics, dueling ladies in formal wear, and um… yeah just a lot of straight up unhappiness. If last week's episode was all the debauchery, hedonism, and human sacrifices of Ancient Rome, last night's episode was the aftermath of war.
It's the day of the annual Blacks Gala and everyone is quite positive no one's nipples will hang out, no one will be thrown into pool Dynasty style, and no one will be doing tequila shots or getting slapped in the face. Oh, no instead they'll be milling around in couture gowns and spending $14,000 bidding on an evening at the Playboy Mansion. The only thing Fembot Fakenstein's boobgerie slapfest has in common with the Black Gala is some of the attendees – and that includes Joe "Cameratime" Francis. Doesn't he have some checks to be writing to Steve Wynn? $40 Million of them to be exact.
In preparation for the gala, Lea Black is rushing around clutching a bright pink Birkin as if it's an extra appendage. A third arm that is merely a formality and is crap at the useful things like moving tables and directing quack psychics on how to turn glass into music and peace.