Manzo’d With Children

Meat & Cheese

Last night on Manzo’d With Children the Manzos and the Scalias traveled to Italy for a little conjoined family bonding. Almost-married Lauren Manzo got her Teresa Giudice on as she shopped beyond her means all throughout Sorrento. OK, well she mostly bought cheese – does that count? The Manzos are more dense and smothering than a pizza with extra cheese. 

Caroline Manzo justifies the trip as a great experience for Lauren and Vito Scalia to learn to fly on their own as Caroline and Al remain “waiting in the wings” – or first class rather. They upgraded, but left the rest of peons back in coach. “It’s a farewell to Lauren Manzo,” describes Ma Smothers, as she hunkers down with her popcorn to watch the disaster of Lauren Scalia unfold. Don’t worry mommy is always waiting in the wings (or the hallway) with a hamper to help scoop up the mess! 


Manzo'd With Children - Albie & Chris With Pot

Last night on Manzo’d With Children Bravo’s bootleg version of Cheech & Chong traveled to Colorado for a “Cannabis Tour.” 

Businessman eccellenza Albie Manzo is marketing his grow-fast plant spray but business is “all about relationships.” Apparently spuriously calling pot growers from the phone in mommy’s craft room does not gain one customers. 

Therefore Albie heads to Colorado with No. 1 sidekick Christopher. If you, in your mind, were imagining escapades, prepare to be disappointed. There were neither debaucherous hi-jinks, actual drug use, or attractive men boys. 

Christopher envisioning that weed distributors are much like Tony Montana is bringing mace and a rape whistle. Albie tells Caroline not to worry: “If you ever want to see me get out of this house, this trip is my opportunity.” As Albie utters these ominous words, the beginning chords of The Beastie Boy’s ‘SABOTAGE’ starts playing in my head. Because… Newsflash! Caroline doesn’t ever want to see Albie leave her nest. Which is why he’s still eating off a monogrammed placemat and storing his sweaters in his childhood toy box. 


Lauren Manzo's

Last night on Manzo’d With Children there were bachelorette shenanigans in Atlantic City, the less classy red-headed stepchild of Vegas. Apparently Adrienne Maloof is no longer doling out free passes to The Palms. 

With Lauren Manzo‘s wedding to the human lump of smothered ricotta known as Vito Scalia approaching, her bros without hoes Albie and Christopher decide they should be in charge of the “send-off” so they whisk Lauren away to Atlantic City for a “Snatchelor Party.” There they hide her away from Vito for the sanctity of family unity.

The idea for “Snatchelor” is hatched when Chris and Albie are excluded from Lauren’s official girls-only bachelorette. Hosted by Greggy Bennett. Naturally he has corralled a party bus to escort this fine delegation in style. Apparently L.A. does not hold all the fascinations of a Manzo fambly event. 


Caroline Manzo blogs her thoughts on this week's episode of Manzo'd With Children

On Manzo’d With Children this week, not only did we learn that Chris Manzo was working on a children’s book, but we also watched as Caroline had to deal with one particularly gross habit from her future son-in-law. In fact, when Vito walked into the kitchen with his barely there robe on and then continued to drink milk directly from the container, Caroline and Lauren Manzo looked a bit disgusted. 

Despite their horror, the family managed to work it all out by the end of the episode, but we couldn’t help to wonder how Caroline really felt about the incident. I mean, admit it, we all have that one family member who does it and annoys the heck out of us. Luckily for us, Caroline dished all about the incident and the episode in her latest blog.


Chis Manzo Talks About His New Book

This week on Manzo’d With Children, we learned that Caroline Manzo’s son, Chris, decided that he wanted to write a children’s book. As shocking as that may seem, it is true, but what made him decide to ditch all of his other business plans for something so different? Luckily, Chris Manzo opened up about his decision recently, and admitted that he is just not a “suit and tie business man.”

In fact, according to Manzo, he hired someone to take care of all the technical business stuff for him, while he just focused on what he wanted to do – write the book. As for his mom and the rest of the Manzo family, they are nothing short of extremely proud of Chris.


Vito Scalia bathrobe

Last night’s Manzo’d With Children was brought to you by the letter V. V as in Vito Scalia, but also for “Vessel,” losing your Manzo Virginity, and Visiting the library. But mostly V is for Vito and all the ways he is passive aggressively trying to use his voice. (V is for Voice). 

Lauren Manzo‘s wedding will include 300 hundred people and 300 hundred Italian traditions, but only one corsage. Vito’s mom, Denise, comes over, pushing her dog in a stroller, to see where her son will be spending the rest of his remaining days. Lauren asks her if she wants a corsage at the wedding – of course she does! She’s the mother of the groom and that is an honor that must be signified. Caroline Manzo “wouldn’t be caught dead in a corsage.” She describes Vito’s mother as a “firecracker” and explains they’re different, yet the same.

Time for some standardized test prep! Different, but similar-style with Caroline and Denise.


Lauren Manzo Bridal Shower

The countdown to Lauren Manzo‘s wedding is on. And it’s bridal shower day on Manzo’d With Children

Caroline Manzo is hosting Lauren’s shower at Casa de Smothers because no Manzo ever, like ever, leaves that house. Seriously it is the black hole of adulthood. Their family motto is probably “We Fail To Launch Here!”

Ever since Lauren first got a salami-scented whiff of Vito wafting from across Albie’s dorm room, Caroline has been buying vintage tea cups on Etsy. For whatever reason they’re hot glue gunning tea cups to saucers and hanging them from chandeliers and floating them across the pool in parasols to create a tea party theme. 110 people are attending. Dina Manzo was invited, but is in California. Sadly, the grinning face of Greggy Bennett will not be appearing. Or so we’re led to believe…


Is Lauren Manzo ready for marriage?

Last night on Manzo’d With Children the Manzo spawn were in for a rude awakening – particularly LaurenCaroline Manzo is concerned about Lauren facing the realities of Vito’s income bracket instead of Al and Caroline’s. She wants to prepare Lauren for real married life… by letting Lauren and Vito live at home forever? And Albie took one small step in defying mommy by giving his sexy ex-girlfriend Britt another chance despite Caroline and Lauren’s disapproval. Time for Caroline to cut not only the apron strings, but the Chanel purse strings as well! 

It’s morning in Manzo-land which means Caroline comes downstairs to a trashed kitchen and three lethargic kids standing around demanding breakfast. Lauren has been using the island as a makeup studio and Al’s credit card for everything – she’s never paid for gas in her life (and doesn’t think she should have to). Caroline rampages about how the kids don’t clean up and act like immature brats expecting her to do everything for them. What does she expect after all her microMOMaging. Caroline is especially pissed because she’s supposed to be going on a tennis date with Al. 


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