This week on Teen Mom 3, Alex Sekella puts her Matt McCann induced pity party on hold to go to her senior prom. I expect her miserable self to pick up the party right where she left off next week. Fingers crossed!
Mackenzie Douthit and Katie Yeager whine about the same things they've been whining about for the past eight episodes. At least they're consistent. Whereas Briana DeJesus spends the entire episode in public. My guess is her house is being fumigated, to smoke out the male species, and she will resume couch sitting next week.
Also, it's Father's Day, and Mackenzie takes the above charming picture of Gannon as part of Josh's gift. You'll never believe how Josh McKee reacts to that much cuteness. Hint: he doesn't. Because his brain is broken.
Katie and Joey are getting along better since he quit smoking pot. So, Katie plans her next relationship hurdle, which is proposing a move to Utah for college. She's currently enrolled in community college but needs to transfer to a four year school (and they apparently only breed them in Utah) to get a degree in social work. Katie doesn't think she can survive without Joey making her cry for two years so she needs to convince him to move with her.
Meanwhile Alex points out that she's juggling school, work, and Arabella now that Matt's out of the picture. Because she had oodles of help those TWO WEEKS he was in the picture. Alex wants Matt restricted to court supervised visits only. "I don't want him and his substances in her life or around Arabella," she says. "I don't know where he is or what he's doing. If he's homeless, then he's homeless. That's his choice, his conscious decision to do that."
This week, Mackenzie finds tumbling practice to be more exhausting than it used to be. Coach tries to put things into perspective for the young mom – she has the potential to cheer on a college level but she needs to be able to 1) practice on a that level while attending classes and taking care of Gannon and 2) pay for college. Mackenzie's banking on Josh McKee (and his already scrambled brains) on winning rodeos so she can be a cheerleader.
Next Katie discovers that Joey Maes overdrew their checking account, costing them $90 in bank fees, and she worries he's using their grocery money to buy drugs. Katie gets on Joey's case the second he walks through the door, as per usual, and he blows her off to play with Molli. Katie throws bank statements at Joey (and Molli) and they argue for the 300th time since the premiere.
Katie's nervous about walking the runway in a wedding dress and – gasp! – lingerie. She feels self-conscious about her post-baby body and wonders if Joey Maes still finds her attractive. A friend tries to boost Katie's self-esteem, adding, "You're the mother of his child, I'm sure that's a thousand times sexier than just being his girlfriend."
Mackenzie opens the show, reminding us that she's still just a junior in high school. Homework is not a priority but prom is right around the corner. Woot! Mackenzie asks Josh McKee if he wants to go with her, and as always, he "doesn't care." Good talk, Josh. Good. Talk. Mackenzie squeals with delight.
Next Mackenzie shops for a prom dress with zero dollars (and fiance Josh is currently unemployed). Perhaps she should work on that homework a bit more. Math question: Mackenzie has $0. Pretty prom dresses cost $200. How many prom dresses can Mackenzie buy? Show your work.
For example, we know that Teen Mom 3 (forever ago) Mackenzie just giggled her way through getting an IUD, which lasts for five years, but Twitter (real time) Mackenzie is 4 months pregnant. And TM3 Josh McKee looks bored as hell, but Twitter Josh just put a lassoring on it!
TM3 Devoin Austin just promised Briana that he'd be at her house day and night to help with Nova, but Twitter Devoin is in jail. How's that edit gonna taste, Devoin? Probably not as good as Swedish fish.
TM3 Matt McCann and Alex went to couples therapy last week, but Twitter Matt is engaged to some girl named Lekota. TM3 Joey Maes broke up with Katie because she nags endlessly, but Twitter Joey is, um, pulling a Rip Van Winkle? I don't see much from Joey or Katie.
Oh, and if you turned your TV at just the right angle and closed one eye, you saw the Teen Moms caring for their precious babies almost as passionately as they begged their boyfriends to love them. This week: rinse and repeat.