Was everyone watching the same Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion I was last season? You remember the one where Melissa Gorga tearfully dabbed at her eyes with a sequined sleeve and told Andy Cohen they were selling their Montville mansion so her daughter wouldn't be bullied at school by Teresa Giudice's wayward band of hoodlum children?
Just checking because apparently now that's not the case. Apparently now Melissa and Joe Gorga are moving to avoid rush hour traffic or something and because they bought some oceanfront property in Arizona to lovingly construct their next zillion-dollar, impeccably finished mansion. Joe – little tip: this time skip the plastic sinks. Teresa's in debt maybe she can sell you some of her marble vanities.
On last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey the Gorgadice battle continued, although the small beginnings of a peace treaty seemed to have been forged. Maybe…
Things begin in Casa de Giudice. Teresa Giudice is cooking while wrangling four screaming girls. Apparently there is some confustion (Teresa tawk) about who is actually the mama because while Milania is playing on the stove terrorizing some peppers, Gia is lecturing her about safety. Teresa meanwhile is flitting around in full hair and makeup yelling, "O.M.G!"
Teresa says she always reminds her girls to stick together and not end up married to men their siblings hate. Then she gives them a lecture on table manners. 1) Like, don't scream 'prostitution whore' unless the person really is a prostitution whore and has been engaged like 19 times! Like O.M.G!
Our favorite reality TV stars can't get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here's a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
In her first blog of the new season she discusses reuninting her family and trying to work things out with Melissa Gorga. Perhaps the first step should be duct taping Juicy's mouth shut!
Chapter 1: On Why She Stopped Speaking To Poison & Melissa
After last season (which was not fun) and the horrible reunion, we all took a big break from each other. We didn't see each other for over a year. Not seeing my brother and his family was heartbreaking, but after what Joey and Melissa said at the reunion — that they were moving and didn't want to have anything to do with me or my kids — what could I do?
I had to respect their wishes and give them space. It broke my heart, but it was what they wanted. I just concentrated on my own family, on my girls, and prayed that they would find their way back to our family.
Right out of the gate, Melissa Gorga's first blog has some pretty harsh comments for Teresa Giudice. In addition to citing reasons why she doesn't feel comfortable with Antonia spending time at the Giudice house (Juicy gymnastics anyone?!), Melissa continues to place blame for the family feud on Teresa's bespangled, feathered, and bronzed shoulders. Oh girl… the victim act is so last season! This season is all about renaissance. Get with the program!
And as I said before; I refuse to take sides on this ridiculous feud anymore. They are BOTH at fault and both ridiculous. The Gorgadices need to grow up and act like adults. Put the famewhoring aside and stop with the finger-pointing!
Remember that Lindsay Lohan movie "Freaky Friday" where the mom became the kid and the kid suddenly morphed into the mom role after they were both struck by lightening or something? Yeah – that was last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey!
As the adults continued to behave childishly and bicker pettily over everything imaginable, the kids were able to give them a little lesson in communication, letting bygones be bygones, and focusing on the positive!
Before we get to all that, things begin with the cast recovering from the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. While none of them lost their primary homes, Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga both had their shore homes damaged. "My house… what happened??" they both wail – as a flood of last summer's empty bronzing bottles and sequined bikinis wash over their feet. 'All my marble deck furniture like suuuunk! Waaaah… and what about my rhinestone encrusted jet ski Joeeew' Ok – so the editors cut that out, but you KNOW that's what really happened!