What are these women thinking? That’s the one question that played on a constant loop in my mind as I watched last night’s Mob Wives. A Hamptons vacation will never class up this group of gals. Carla Facciolo has planned a nice weekend for her friends (as we know Drita D’avanzo is absent), and she hopes that newbies Brittany Fogarty and Marissa Jade don’t show out at her friends’ garden party. If they dare to embarrass her in front of her shi-shi Hamptons crowd, Carla swears (and swears) that she’ll kill them herself. Both Marissa and Brittany claim to have called a truce while Prissy Missy (haha!) gripes to Renee Graziano and Brittany complains to Big Ang. In order to get everyone on the same page, Big Ang decides her crew needs to get up close and personal with Patron. Marissa, once again, admonishes the clique’s drinking habits, but she can’t say no and is falling all over herself. Thankfully, no asses are capped or hair is pulled.
Nothing like coming home from a twelve hour work day to drama filled two-hour premiere of Mob Wives! I don’t know if it’s a punishment or Christmas all over again, but I’m going to go with the latter. Karen Gravano is living the dream, back in New York after a stint in Arizona, and she wants her teenage daughter to recognize how fortunate she is to live this lifestyle. Meanwhile, Renee Graziano is hoping to leave drama and negativity in the past. A cook-out at Karen’s house is just what she needs, even though both women realize that Karen’s daughter Karina is going to give them multiple coronaries. She’s way too pretty to be a teenager, but Renee hopes that Karen will allow Karina to mermaid model for her Mob Candy line. At least they can keep an eye on her that way.
Big Ang is recovering from throat cancer, and with her blonde hair, she looks like a boss. She is extremely grateful for her friends’ support during her surgery and following ordeal, but she credits husband Neil for being her rock. I love Ang, and I am thrilled to hear she’s cancer free (as the season airs, prayers are with her now). Her doctor touts an organic diet and exercise…oh, and she needs to quit smoking. It’s hard. Also difficult? Drita D’Avanzo’s household. She’s juggling having growing girls and her husband home from the clink. While she’s thrilled to have the balance of a normal family, she wants her daughters to realize how far she’s come. Drita takes them on a tour of the projects where she grew up so they appreciate the beautiful home and pool they are fortunate enough to have. She’s worked terribly hard, and she wants her daughters to appreciate the struggle she’s had to become the woman she is today. Of course, a book about her life is the next step in her empire…if she can convince her husband Lee that it’s not disloyal to their lifestyle.
Are y’all as glad as I am that the circus we watched in the form of the finale of the Mob Wives reunion is finished? Get it together, Vivica Fox! You’re not part of the cast (although, check her out in that action shot–gotta love Viv!)! After her Twitter war last week where she joined forces with the veteran ladies against Natalie Guercio, I was a tad curious to see what would unfold…until my very exhausted brain realized that the entire reunion was actually filmed before that happened. Oops. Oh well! I was still anxious to see what would unfold after the insanity of part one. At least it opened with a bleeping, bleepity, bleep montage the the dicks and dildos (the things you can now say on television!) that came out of Drita D’avanzo’s mouth throughout the season. It didn’t feel right typing that, I’ll be honest. A blushing Drita is mortified by her mouth, and she admits that “pickles” is her safe word when her oldest daughter catches her cursing like a $%*&$% fool.
Getting into the meat of the series, Renee Graziano’s early season rocky relationships with Big Ang and Drita are highlighted, followed by forgiving Delicious Natalie and her decision to let go and let God. A tearful Renee is upset that she harbored so much hatefulness in her heart, and she apologizes for hurting her friends. Drita admits that she still likes Renee, but she didn’t how she was behaving for the first part of the season. Natalie wishes they had buried their issues earlier but knows they both are too stubborn for that to have happened. Now, Renee is in a good place. One “you go, girl” from Vivica, and we’re treated to an video introduction of Natalie DiDonato, aka, New Natalie, aka Nat D, aka Natalie 2.0, aka Fraudalie (not to be confused with Ratalie, of course!).
Holy cleavage! The first installment of last night’s Mob Wives reunion was a giant boob parade. Vivica Fox hosts, and I’m hoping she has a better handle on these broads than she did on Krayonce. Drita D’avanzo is the only one who doesn’t look like she’s hosting Kim Kardashian’s ass on her chest. Natalie Guercio is wearing what can only be described as a chain metal gladiator suit complete with suspenders to cover her nips. She claims it’s her warrior look, but she’s not going to be fighting anyone when she has to constantly fiddle with her hands to keep her girls from warranting their own black bar. Renee Graziano is sporting a boot-cast on her foot, and she jokes that Drita finally came after her. Oh, if only the whole reunion could be this cheery!
Karen Gravano’s return is addressed, and Renee admits that it was nice to have some support after feuding with her other friends. Natalie cites her loyalty to last season’s Alicia as the reason for her social media beef. Karen finds it ridiculous that Alicia is so upset that her father killed the father-in-law she never met. Yeah, that’s fair, right? Karen knows that these mob wannabes are just trying to ride her big Mafia coattails. Renee reminds us that you can be loyal to one friend without trashing another, but the wannabes will never be “about this life,” a phrase which may need its own t-shirt line (if one of the ladies hasn’t already beat me to it). Again, remind why these family ties are worthy of such pride? Renee can’t even. Literally.
All season, the women of Mob Wives have been gearing up for one final brawl, and last night? Well, clearly VH1’s attorneys have added some air-tight anti-violence clauses to their contracts since mid-season. Was that the finale? I am so confused. There were no previews for next week, but there was also no resolution. I’m exhausted trying to keep up with the Natalies.
Big Ang is hosting Renee Graziano at her home, and both ladies are happy they are in a better place after their knock-down-drag-out regarding Renee’s comment amount Natalie Guercio and the coke laced dollar bill. Ang is happy to see that Renee seems committed to her positive streak. Both women find it strange that Drita D’avanzo didn’t attend Renee’s spiritual rebirth, and Ang admits she hasn’t heard a peep from the friend she usually talks to several times a day. Renee wants to focus on the good and she’s ready to throw a big party. She hopes all of the ladies will come and be on their best behavior…because that always happens with this crew. She’ll remind Karen Gravano to keep it classy. Of course, if original Natalie wants to confront Natalie DiDonato about their beef, Renee will kindly step aside so the Natalies can handle their business like cage fighters.
Were you prepared for that little twist on last night’s Mob Wives? Fraudalie? Ratalie? Who to believe? Why do they even care? That’s the biggest mystery! As the episode begins, Natalie Guercio is meeting Drita D’avanzo for lunch. Did Drita borrow that third eye cut-out sweatshirt from Tamra Judge? Big Ang arrives very fashionably late in long white coat that looks like it was stolen from a 70’s pimp or that abominable claymation creature in that Christmas show about the Land of the Misfit Toys. Is that Alpaca? Ang is rehashing the holiday party and how much Natalie DiDonato gets on her nerves. All Nat D. wants to do is bitch about First Natalie. Does she ever ask anything about Ang’s life? No. Ang doesn’t have time for that, and she reveals that New Natalie now has beef with Drita. She wants to talk to Drita about her inability to choice sides. No one likes a fence straddler.
Speaking of sides, the battle lines are clearly drawn as Karen Gravano and Renee Graziano convene at Fraudalie’s house to complain about Ratalie. Of course, everyone wants to discuss why Drita wasn’t in attendance at Natalie 2.0’s party. What’s with her loyalty to Original Natalie? Nat D. believed that Drita was no nonsense, but she’s clearly a flip-flopper. Renee admits that she’s finally in a good place with everyone and her friends can work out their issues on their own time. Finally, Renee is speaking some sense! Karen and New Natalie bond over how tough it can be to have younger boyfriends. Natalie finally had to ditch hers because he was too thirsty with other girls and she tended to get violent when they fought. She’s glad that’s over with, for sure! On cue, her ex-boyfriend bursts into the backyard and accuses her of lying to him. As they scream at each other, New Natalie starts pushing him and threatening him. Renee halfheartedly yells “you shouldn’t be doing this” from across the deck. After seeing Natalie D. go after her boyfriend, Renee is a tad worried about Drita, who is usually considered the fighter of the group. She may have some competition!
So let’s raise a blood-filled glass to last night’s Mob Wives, shall we? Drita D’avazo and family are back from Disney World now that Lee is done with parole and was able to cross state lines. She reminisces with her daughters about their favorite memories from the Magic Kingdom. She encourages her girls to make a scrapbook for Lee so he knows how much he is loved and has a memory book of the times he missed while he was in jail. Drita coaches her girls on what to write and post, and she’s excited to surprise him with the pictures that will make him feel somewhat a part of their childhood.
After making up with her seahag friends, Natalie Guercio has planned a girls night with Drita and Big Ang to celebrate the fact that all is well in their friendship. Both Ang and Drita feel badly for ever doubting their friend. Natalie’s twins are on display, but Drita and Ang’s chest s are competing for the top spot. Natalie is glad that Fraudalie wasn’t able to negatively influence her friends. I am thrilled that now I have the nicknames “Ratalie” and “Fraudalie” to distinguish the Natalies. Natalie and Natalie 2.0 were getting too confusing!
Clearly, VH1 is trying to prove to us that the Mob Wives are just fun people who hate brawling and enjoy each other’s company. Sure, we’ll go with that. I don’t know how to explain last night’s episode where Renee Graziano acted (dare I say) normal, Drita D’Avanzo’s focus was on a family trip, Karen Gravano was trying to bring her immediate family together in Arizona, and Big Ang, well, Ang is always the voice of reason regardless of circumstance. Natalie Guercio is going to need to learn when to push and when to put on the brakes. At least some things never change…
We begin with Renee channeling her inner goddess with a photo shoot for her Mob Candy brand. I must say she looks fabulous. A bob is a good look for her, and she’s happy with where her friendships are at this point in her life. From Mob Candy to Lady Boss, Drita is having her weekly conversation with Lee since he refuses to be on camera. She’s thrilled her daughter is excelling at soccer given that she was a soccer star back in the day. The couple decides that a Disney trip needs to be in the works for their family…now that Lee is allowed to cross state lines. Win!