Last night was the first half of the Mob Wives season finale, and it's not even worth attempting an introduction, so let's just dive in, shall we? Renee Graziano shows up at Big Ang's house, as does Drita D'avanzo. The ladies eat, drink, and chat about Renee's journaling and lack of sex. All of this has lead Renee to write her own version of 50 Shades of Gray. Enter Renee's "sex book." So there's that. It's fiction according to Renee. If it was real, she'd be in a much better place. Renee reads excerpts from her novel, and it's dirty, which is good, right? Her publisher is hosting a launch party for her. That is apparently what reality stars do.
In Philly, Natalie Guercio is meeting with Alicia diMichele Garofalo to discuss Alicia's situation with her sentencing. She admits that she took off her wedding rings after hearing her husband's wire taps. She is ready for divorce, but she's terrified about her sentencing. Natalie is scared for her friend's future. Later, Ang and Drita are planning a one-on-one with Natalie at Ang's house to discuss Natalie's recent behavior. They are upset about Natalie's recent Twitter battle with Renee. Natalie believes that if Renee is able to dish it on social media, she should be able to take it. Drita and Ang wonder why Natalie felt the need to get involved in the first place. Has Natalie watched this show before? She should know better than to awaken the Twitter beast in Renee. The women warn Natalie play nice.
Last night's Mob Wives was a big ol' Twitter hating, lingerie wearing, baby building, screaming mess. Can you guess who was doing the most?
It begins with Renee Graziano heads to Drita D'avanzo's house for dinner with Natalie Guercio and Alicia deMichele Garofalo. Drita is prepared to play the role of mediator. She isn't going to let anyone get physical in the house she just redecorated. The meal starts out as an awkward, tense blind date. Even Big Ang is quiet, which is unheard of for her. Renee calls out Alicia for not eating, and Alicia takes the opportunity to say she wants to calmly rehash their issues. Alicia confronts Renee about spreading rumors about her that are jeopardizing her case. Renee admits that she is guilty of gossiping, but she'd never be a rat. Alicia accepts what Renee has to say, and she doesn't believe she's leaked any information to the press. Renee believes that Alicia has a giant problem with her best friend Carla, and the women's discussion gets heated.
So, the ladies of Mob Wives are officially my jam. I've always watched. I've always liked it. This season, however, I love it. I want to be friends with Drita and Ang. For real. Are they not fabulous?
Alicia diMichele Garofalo calls Natalie Guercio to share the news that her husband Eddie is getting sentenced that day. Needless to say, she's bugging out over whether the judge will accept Eddie's plea deal. Alicia knows that the media is going to explode with this new development. Natalie is supportive but also worried for her friend. They can't help but fear the worst. On Staten Island, Natalie is meeting with Renee Graziano and air kisses ensue. Well, that's better than throwing brunch foods, right? Renee opens with the fact that their bad blood should end their Mob Candy business relationship. Natalie interrupts to say that she's known that since Renee put her in a headlock and never paid her. Renee is confused that she lost what she thought was the upper hand so quickly. Her eyes are darting all over the place like she's watching a ping pong tournament. The ladies discuss their apologies, but can only agree that Renee's was insincere…Natalie meant every word. Renee doesn't believe that Natalie's apology or her Halloween invitation were genuine. Natalie is able to keep her calm and relay her feelings without looking like a crazy person. Renee should take note. Wait…is she? Renee wonders what she can do to heal their relationship. Renee seems fine until she hears the word "loyalty." I think she may blow a gasket! Renee can barely contain her insane anger before storming out of the restaurant. Dear Natalie, shirts are meant to cover your midriff.
Last night's Mob Wives was a lot more tricks than treats as friendships were tested and costumes were thrown by the wayside. Who needs to be dressed up as an actual person or thing when you can throw on black angel wings, red contact lenses, and a lace thong?
At Big Ang's house, Renee Graziano stops in share her recent showdown with Alicia diMichele Garofalo. Renee thinks that Alicia has been as fake as can be since the get-go. Meanwhile, in Philly, Alicia is telling her side of the story to Natalie Guercio. Renee's side of the story is much more dramatic than the actual event, but she tries to explain to Ang that there has always been something about Alicia she's disliked. Doesn't she understand that you don't throw around the term "rat"? Ang hopes that Alicia can learn to filter through all the gossip she hears.
Natalie has invited Alicia, Ang, and Drita D'avanzo to go to the pumpkin patch in preparation for Halloween. The women are scaring themselves silly in a haunted corn field. It's all in a day's work for Natalie since she works in a funeral home. Really it's just a bunch of fake dead bodies sprawled around everywhere. I could have also gone without with Natalie and Ang's sex ed lesson with gourds. Natalie invites the ladies to a Halloween party at her funeral home. She's going to set up a bar in an actual casket. "That's so cute" squeals Drita until she finds out the location. Natalie wonders if she should invite Renee, and Alicia believes that it's good for her friend to be the bigger person.
The ladies of Mob Wives…whatever are we going to do with them? Between the bleeps and the rat accusations and promises of 90's rappers, my head is still spinning from last night's episode!
Drita D'avanzo is back in the studio to work on her music career. Her rap career is really blowing up…according to her. Sure. After hearing two beats from a potential "Mrs. Moneybags" single, Drita is raring to go. She's ready to lay down some rhymes. She freaks out when she learns that Method Man may also be on the track. Are you kidding me? Wu Tang? Please and thank you. I once saw them open for L.L. Cool J. Amazing.
After Alicia diMichele Garofalo's rat accusations last week, Renee Graziano felt targeted. Renee is walking with Big Ang and going off on Alicia's attack on her character. No one is going to call her a rat and get away with it. Ang stays quiet, but you can tell that she doth thinks Renee protest too much. Drita is dining with Alicia, and Drita feels badly about the position in which Alicia finds herself. She's shocked to learn more about Renee knowing so much about Alicia's case. Feeling stuck between her friends, Drita reminds Alicia that whatever Renee said wasn't out of malice. It's the lifestyle. Meanwhile, Ang is trying to placate Renee who is going off the rails. Did someone say her boyfriend smelled delicious again? Renee is cool being called a lot of things, but a snitch isn't one of them. I am getting hoarse just listening to Renee shriek.
The ladies of Mob Wives are back on Staten Island, and Drita D'avanzo calls Big Ang to share a her recent disturbing dreams about people breaking into her home and she shoots them repeatedly. She's hoping it's not a premonition, and she's scared that there is actual meaning behind them. Drita believes she can foresee the future through her dreams. She even dreamt that Lee's best friend ratted him out before he actually did. Ang tries to placate her friend to no avail. At Alicia diMichele Garafalo's house, her brother stops in for a visit. She appreciates his support now that her husband's sentencing has been postponed. He hopes that when his sister gets sentenced she'll be under house arrest. He wonders if she's considered what would happen if she actually gets sent to jail. She wants to avoid the subject at all costs.
Natalie Guercio heads to Ang's to rehash her Vegas fight with Renee Graziano. Drita pops in to be part of the conversation. Natalie apologizes to them for being thrown in the middle of the craziness. She shares how Renee "apologized" to her while basically calling her trash. No respect! Drita and Ang are appalled. Natalie doesn't believe Renee's mea culpa was sincere, and Drita warns her that Renee can't get over things. It's not Natalie, it's Renee. Drita questions whether Natalie can be civil around Renee. Natalie believes she can as long as Renee stays in line.
So last night we were back in Vegas for Mob Wives round three! If the first two installments were any indication, we viewers are in for a wild ride! I can only imagine the craziness that Renee Graziano has in store for us now that she's shed her inhibitions…and her twelve steps.
The ladies have decided to go racing at the track. It's right upDrita D'avanzo's alley. Natalie Guercio is equally excited. Renee decides to play nice for the sake of Big Ang and Alicia deMichele Garofalo. Renee doesn't like to see her friends playing with her mortal enemy (she's not two-faced, y'all!), so she ops out of the afternoon's events. She's floored that her friends are being so cozy with Natalie. Don't they have any respect? Renee approaches Alicia to air her issues, and she explains that she is upset about her friends' loyalty. Alicia tries to explain that both women were in the wrong regarding their confrontation. Ang reminds Renee that she did, in fact, put Natalie in a headlock. It's not about loyalty, it's about neck safety. Renee declares that her friends are back stabbers and takes off in a limo.
I hate to be a pill because I love reality television, but last night I had to watch the Sugar Bowl during the Mob Wives' commercials. What a game (and I wasn't even invested in the outcome!)! Well, the craziness I was watching on the field paled in comparison to what was going on in Vegas with Renee Graziano's hard fall off the wagon!
After the insanity of the night before, Big Ang has ordered a big breakfast in hopes of resolving their issues and curing their hangovers. Alicia DiMichele Garofalo is worried about Renee. She is tired of drama, and she wants to enjoy her last trip before potential incarceration. Renee and Drita D'avanzo arrive at breakfast, and Renee is looking just as rough as she was the night before. Drita admits that she lost over two grand gambling, and she takes suggestions as to how to lie to Lee about her loss. Drita knows that Renee is going to be a ticking time bomb over her animosity towards Natalie Guercio. She starts swearing and chain smoking at the mention of her name.
Drita decides that everyone needs to be present for the airing of the grievances (Happy Festivus!), so she goes to get Natalie. Showing her new found maturity, Drita warns Natalie about the confrontation that awaits her. While Drita isn't a Natalie fan, she remembers what it's like to be ganged up on by the ladies. Drita takes a few seconds to tell Natalie all of the shiz she's said about her behind her back, and Natalie apologizes with a hug. Natalie promises to explain herself to Big Ang as well. When Natalie joins the table, Renee begins to point out all of the delicious things on the table. Grapes are delicious, as are pastries. Her man (one date makes a man?)? NOT DELICIOUS! Natalie assures Renee that she wasn't intending to be disrespectful, but she doesn't think her word choice was inappropriate. Renee does a reenactment calling Alicia's husband delicious to make her point. Natalie then quips that Renee should know Alicia's husband smells delicious since they went to dinner together a few times.