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Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi

Um, we've got a Situation here.  Man, typing that never gets old!  Just in time for tonight's two hour Jersey Shore season premiere, news is breaking all over the place that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino has fallen off the wagon.  Sitch entertained us with his abs in earlier season, but as the guidettes and juiceheads gained international notoriety, he seemed to have difficulty handling the fame.  In recent seasons, it was obvious that he didn't just love the booze. 

I don't think anyone was shocked when Mike entered rehab for prescription pill addiction.  It's going to be an interesting final season with the two biggest partiers out of commission due to Snooki's pregnancy and Mike's sobriety, although I am thrilled for both of them.  However, now that Lorenzo has arrived and the show has seen it's last fist pump, will the Situation be able to maintain?

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Get your spray tan and bump-it ready, because there is going to be yet another Jersey Shore wedding!  On the heels of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Jionni LaValle engagement (and baby Lorenzo makes three!), Jenni "JWoww" Farley and Roger Mathews have decided to make it official!

The couple has apparently gotten engaged, although we won't be seeing the Jenni's ring any time soon, thanks to MTV!  They've got to have something to show on season two of Snooki and JWoww, don't they?

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On August 26, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and her fiance Jionni LaValle welcomed a bouncing baby boy after more than twenty-four hours of labor.  Lorenzo Dominic entered the world, and now the first Jersey Shore offspring is gracing the cover of People magazine. 

The precious little guido has changed his once hard-partying mom for the better.  The reality television star is currently filming the second season of her spin-off Snooki and JWoww with her best friend Jenni Farley, but gone are the drunken antics of the Snooki the world met during the first five seasons of the MTV hit Jersey Shore.

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I knew I loved JWoww.  Not only is the Jersey Shore star a lover of precious meatball babies, but she’s a dog lover as well.  Jenni “JWoww” Farley is also doing her best to prove that the super tan guidos and guidettes aren’t just all about fist pumping, alcohol, and club music.

Finally, some news to report that involves a Jersey Shore cast mate and the cops that doesn’t end with a mug shot.  When Bradley Beach, New Jersey’s police department lost its beloved German shepherd Max, it was JWoww who stepped in to help.

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There’s a battle brewing between two MTV reality stars…one who is famous for getting pregnant and spending a lot of time in jail, the other is famous for getting drunk and spending a lot of time in clubs.  To whom could I be referring?  Well duh!  It’s the Teen Mom everyone loves to hate  Jenelle Evans and everyone’s favorite meatball Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi!

Tired of her Twitter followers calling her out for being a bad mom, Jenelle decided to divert attention to another mom-to-be.  She recently tweeted a picture of the Jersey Shore star with an alleged Snooki quote reading, “There is no way I’m changing any diapers when my baby is born. That is disgusting. That’s what maids are for and babysitters. I don’t have time for that. I’ll have them do that stuff.  I’ll be there for the good parts, like dressing my son up and making sure he got style. You don’t have to cook or clean or change diapers to be a good mother. My son will have everything he wants. He’s going to be a little star like his mommy.”  Accompanying the pictures, Jenelle wrote, “OMG no offense… but you call ME a bad mother… but look what @snooki said about her baby… thats straight F–KED UP.”

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It’s time for an update on those crazy thirty-year-old adults kids from the Jersey Shore!  On tap today, we have have a ridiculously rich fist pumper, a very relieved former pill popper, and the announcement of the premiere date for what will likely be the gang’s (or at least Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s) final season of the show.

Forget GTL, everyone’s favorite future pseudo uncle needs a new catchphrase–GTM2, as in gym, tan, make millions.  Forbes just released its list of highest paid deejays, and Pauly D was number 7 in the rankings.  The easy-going prankster can clearly spin some turntables as it’s being reported he made $11 million in the last twelve months.  Yes, you read that correctly!  How does one learn to spin tunes?  I could surely be a blogger by day and a deejay by night, right?  Who needs sleep?  Given that Pauly has his own spin-off, a line of clothing, his name on some tanning lotion, and a set of headphones he markets with 50 Cent, it’s safe to say that Pauly is more than just an orange face a pretty face.  He’s a cash cow with gravity defying hair!

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There’s some good news and some bad news for some of the gang from Jersey Shore.  Somebody is getting sued and somebody is going to be an uncle!

Bad news first…Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is being sued by a Florida company called Performance Brands for failing to promote its fat-metabolizing cream.  The company claims that they fronted the reality television star $75,000 to endorse the product via social media and personal appearances.  However, as soon as Sitch got paid, he checked into rehab for his prescription drug addiction.

TMZ reports that the company is none too happy that Mike failed to perform his contractual obligations, especially since he originally lied about where he was going.  Performance Brands wants all of its money back since he failed to disclose his drug addiction.  Mike, of course, is firing back with his own law suit, alleging the company failed to provide him with the promotional materials necessary to fulfill his duties.

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Rosie Pope is shaking her head right about now.  Something tells me that Pregnant in Heels isn’t quite the same as Pregnant in Foam Platform Cheetah Flip Flops.  Perhaps it could be a spin-off though, right?  Our old friend Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi didn’t fare too well recently in her staple tacky platforms, taking a tumble in Seaside Heights, New Jersey.  While tripping and falling in the streets is nothing new to MTV’s favorite meatball, usually it’s due to severe intoxication.  However, no one wants to see a pregnant guidette taking a fall, given, you know, the fact she has a baby on board.

The Huffington Post reminds us that Snooki has touted her ability to walk tall (well, kind of) in heels during her pregnancy.  The site reports that she told Good Morning America not too long ago, “I feel confident in them, and I know I’m not going to fall, so until it feels very uncomfortable, I’m still going to rock them.  I’m only 24 and I’m pregnant — it doesn’t mean I need to be wearing flats and ugly shoes. I can still look good.”  Maybe not flats, but perhaps Snooki should bring back those beautiful fuzzy pink sneaker slippers as she moves into her later trimester.  We’re glad to know she’s okay though!

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