Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta no one wanted to grow up as they took good old fashioned road trips, flirted with the football players, and relived their glory days at Ridgemont High on the last day of senior year. Also, Cynthia Bailey wore a stupid hat in every scene. Are her edges thinning too?!
NeNe Leakes gets picked up at the airport by Greggum, her basement troll clamoring into the sunshine for the first time in weeks, sadly it’s an overcast day and he’s forced to linger in the parking garage until he catches sight of the shiny ring. Still – it is human contact! NeNe reflects on Puerto Rico and acknowledges that maaaaaaybe her comments to Claudia Jordan were crass and terrible, so she apologized. An apology Claudia did not want to take.
Then NeNe tells us her life used to be a Lifetime Movie and she worked her way through college stripping – basically living Kyle Richards’ dream as played by Tori Spelling circa 1992. Let’s just say, NeNe skipped English 101 in favor of studying Human Sexuality, which is how she knows about the amazing transitive powers of Clawdia’s clit.
I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting to like Claudia Jordan on this season’s Real Housewives of Atlanta as much as I do. Granted, I teeter back and forth with every episode, but she’s growing on me…much like a benign, oozing, sore, but growing on me nonetheless. Who’s with me? The newbie shows no fear calling out NeNe Leakes, and she may (almost) make me find Kenya Moore to be not as Krayonce as I once thought…ALMOST. This week, Claudia tackles yet another housewives nightmare vacay, and I think she’s spot on in her assessments.
Taking to her Bravo blog, Claudia begins, “WHEW! What trip! First of all I’d like to thank Demetria [McKinney] for inviting us all down to Puerto Rico for her do-over. And honey, what a do-over it was! The rooms were cute and cozy, the weather was amazing, and the pina coladas were fantastic! And on top of all that I really got to know Demetria a little more, and I just adore her. And of course like always I had a great time with Kenya and Cynthia [Bailey]. Those two really know how to have fun, and I appreciate their laid back and easy going demeanor. Our time at the pool was fun — especially watching Kenya attempt to speak both Italian and broken Spanish to our bartender in an attempt to wrangle up some local cuties!”
In her blog, Demetria discussed the madness in Puerto Rico, her apology to Phaedra Parks, the double standard within the group, and her performance.
Real Housewives of Atlanta is all about that drama! “These girls, these girls, these girls! My performance is approaching quickly and we’ve had nothing but shade, shadows, and pearl clutching the whole time,” said Demetria. “Really?! We are in Puerto Rico, why be so nasty and so rude?”
In last night’s installment of The Hunger Games: MockingShade 2, the ladies of Real Housewives Of Atlanta insulted each other on every level, then took a break to pass a dildo between their caftans on a beach, and then returned to insulting each other on every level. I like my Housewives classy like that!
We’re at dinner where Claudia Jordan is a whore and NeNe Leakes is fat with seething jealousy and shops at Ross. Now Claudia, you can read NayNay, but please don’t read Ross! I have gotten many things at Ross, including fabulous glasses made to look like Solo Cups! NeNe snaps that her dress is “RUNWAY!” Because when you got them coins they make RUNWAY in your size. That must be the reason NeNe’s dress looks like leftover remains of a circus tent in a Project Runway challenge. “Auf wiedersehen,” Ms. Leakes.
Claudia rips NeNe for her plastic “hair hat” glued to her head. T’is true – for someone so very rich NeNe has the worst wigs – she may have coins, but she does not use them to pay a hair gay!
Peter Thomas will never give up his quest for reality television relevance! The man who wishes more than anything on earth to hold his very own Real Housewives Of Atlanta peach is dealing with rejection by going forward to get his own spinoff show!
In the past Peter has expressed a desire to have a spinoff that chronicles his restaurants similar to Lisa Vanderpump‘s spinoff Vanderpump Rules. Unfortunately the difference is, other than Lisa being inherently likable, is that Lisa is able to keep a business OPEN and run it successfully. Peter, on the other hand, is routinely closing failed businesses and opening new ones! Such as the case with his newest venture Sports One, a sports bar and grill in Charlotte, NC which Peter opened with Kordell Stewart.
Peter and Cynthia Bailey recently posted casting notices for a new Sports One centered reality show on instagram.
Kenya titled her first blurb DISRESPECTFUL FEET. “I am a supportive friend and was happy to accompany Claudia to the podiatrist. BUT… I was not prepared for those disrespectful feet! I tried not to make direct eye contact with them, but they kept acting up!! Seriously, CJ and I have been cool for over 20 years, and we can laugh together. We don’t take things too seriously.”
“When the other ladies arrived, the shade was thick. Half of them didn’t speak and the cattiness was on FLEEK. You know when folks are trying to fake act like they are not bothered? Well there was a lot of that going on,” said Claudia. “It was corny as hell to me. Come say hello, sit down, and order a damn drink! Let’s have this meal, show a little respect to our host, and let’s get through this thing.” HAHA! What a newbie! That’s not how the Real Housewives do it!
“I was being sassy, but it was not with any ill intent,” insisted Phaedra. “That’s what we all do when we get together. I think because Demetria has not spent a lot of time with me, she probably took things a bit too personally.” Or, maybe you should not be so nasty to someone you barely know, Phaedra.