Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta things were light on crazy and heavy on confusion, double-speak, and tiaras. The most confusing thing happening was figuring out what languagePorsha Stewartand hubby Kordell are even speaking. I mean Porsha definitely lives in a world of her own vocabulary where meanings and pronunciation are like, kinda, irrelevind – right?!
As for Kordell, he's the king so he do what he wants and decided to tackle a little problem of Housewives diplomacy. There's no use! Is Kordell an otherworldly genius or just… um… well, not?
In other antics Cynthia Bailey decided being the hostess of a pageant also made her the queen of all she sees. Lady Bailey was rocking her little rhinestone tiara all over town in the hopes some fool would take notice of her regality – which also equated with being a biatch. I'm sure Porsha would describe it as bitchgality.
So let's begin… Kordell is turning the big 4-0. Which is like the new 15 or something. To celebrate his bithday Porsha is throwing him a Harlem Renaissance themed party. Since she's also helping Cynthia with the Miss Renaissance pageant, she's busting out a pageant gown-cum-Josephine Baker collection of dresses that are perfect for the twirl and wave. She's been reviewing Kenya Moore's Miss USA footage and practicing in secret.
'Here she comes… Miss America. Oh I mean, Miss WHOOOOOOO-S-AAAAAAAA…. '
First up, Phaedratells OK! that she has only put on a paltry 11lbs as she rounds out her second trimester and her doctors only expect her to gain 15-16lbs total by the end of her pregnancy! Huh? Is she even eating for one? "It's a little low," Phaedra concedes, "but I'm sure the baby will be healthy."
"I'm very busy: I'm a full-time student, full-time mom, have a law firm, work in a funeral home, I'm involved in the community, have a husband… So you know, I really don't have have time to think about food as much as some people. I live to work, not live to eat."
In the middle of donkey booty workout DVD wars, Phaedra Parks has other things to worry about! Like becoming a mother for the second time.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta star is currently in her second trimester (well at least that's what she says, but these RHOA ladies are a little sketchy about due dates!), and excited to be welcoming child number two into her family.
Sitting down with The Huffington Post, Phaedra reveals that son Ayden, now 2, wants a sister! “He is so excited,” Phaedra gushed. “He keeps saying, ‘I want a sister.’ He actually has a cousin. So he thought that was his sister because he gets to see her often.”
Oh gracious. As if the women of Real Housewives of Atlanta weren't enough drama on their own, Cynthia Bailey's husband Peter Thomas has to give the ladies a run for their money. Seriously, what is up with Peter lately? His already short fuse seems to be getting shorter and shorter these days.
Perhaps Peter should take up exercising and release some endorphins. I'm sure his wife's co-star Phaedra Parks will cut him a deal on her additional upcoming workout videos. Because more are coming. Yes. There will be more. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news!
On last night's "Betty White's Off Their Rockers" NeNe, as well as some of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ladies, joked around with the veteran funny lady in a show that had seniors pranking the younger generation. Who doesn't adore Betty White? Meanwhile, Kenya took major offense to Phaedra's accusations of being bipolar…and I don't blame her. Mental illness isn't something to throw around all willy-nilly…it's a serious topic, and Kenya has clearly been learning all about it on WebMD so she has the proper ammunition against her co-star in their Booty Battle.
Let's start with something light though, shall we?
Oh good lord! So last night we visited the asylum on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Sometimes I just don't even know what to think with the level of delusion of these Housewives. It's like they live in an alternate universe – one I certainly never want to be abducted to – where sanity and decorum is reversed. Heaven help us, but at least we now know the secret of Kenya Moore's "highly coveted" booty: falsies!
So last night things begin with Kenya showing off how she gets her award winning body: the gym. Hmmm… Kenya may have had an award winning body in 1945 when she was Miss USA but um… now she has Photoshop, lipo scars, and Kim K knock-off prosthetic booty and if she thinks that's not obvious, than well… errrrr… yeah.
Kenya and her trainer workout and slam Phaedra Parks for looking less than workout video ready and then Kenya complains that Phaedra is slamming her all over town. Look, ladies – you're both guilty of same thing.
Phaedra is going the glamour route. All work and and no play makes a booty dull. She's doing a donkey booty photo shoot with a celebrity photographer. Thankfully she left her pickles at home and is instead wearing an outfit reminiscent of a pickle. Oh Phaedra – for all your so-called highbrow connections you can't find a stylist?
Ok this is going to be quick and dirty! Tonight is an all-new episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta and much to everyone's chagrin booty-battles continue as the merits of a stallion booty vs. a donkey booty are hotly debated.
Even more exciting Kenya Moore becomes completely unhinged and scares the bejusus out of a buncha southern girls who love to gossip when she shows up at a party in full faux Phaedra Parks Southern Belle regalia! Even team kinda Kenya seems to be realizing this lady is a one shoe short of a pair of Louboutins!
Reality Tea will belive-tweeting all the nonsense, so please join us on twitter. Bless our hearts.
[Photo Credit: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – WHO IS MORE FULL OF FULL OF SHIT-ITIS: KENYA OR PHAEDRA?