Oh good lord! So last night we visited the asylum on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Sometimes I just don't even know what to think with the level of delusion of these Housewives. It's like they live in an alternate universe – one I certainly never want to be abducted to – where sanity and decorum is reversed. Heaven help us, but at least we now know the secret of Kenya Moore's "highly coveted" booty: falsies!
So last night things begin with Kenya showing off how she gets her award winning body: the gym. Hmmm… Kenya may have had an award winning body in 1945 when she was Miss USA but um… now she has Photoshop, lipo scars, and Kim K knock-off prosthetic booty and if she thinks that's not obvious, than well… errrrr… yeah.
Kenya and her trainer workout and slam Phaedra Parks for looking less than workout video ready and then Kenya complains that Phaedra is slamming her all over town. Look, ladies – you're both guilty of same thing.
Phaedra is going the glamour route. All work and and no play makes a booty dull. She's doing a donkey booty photo shoot with a celebrity photographer. Thankfully she left her pickles at home and is instead wearing an outfit reminiscent of a pickle. Oh Phaedra – for all your so-called highbrow connections you can't find a stylist?
Ok this is going to be quick and dirty! Tonight is an all-new episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta and much to everyone's chagrin booty-battles continue as the merits of a stallion booty vs. a donkey booty are hotly debated.
Even more exciting Kenya Moore becomes completely unhinged and scares the bejusus out of a buncha southern girls who love to gossip when she shows up at a party in full faux Phaedra Parks Southern Belle regalia! Even team kinda Kenya seems to be realizing this lady is a one shoe short of a pair of Louboutins!
Reality Tea will belive-tweeting all the nonsense, so please join us on twitter. Bless our hearts.
[Photo Credit: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – WHO IS MORE FULL OF FULL OF SHIT-ITIS: KENYA OR PHAEDRA?
Last week was huge forNeNe Leakes. It's no wonder she's been slack on writing her Bravo blog…she's been rubbing elbows with major movie stars and acting on an award-winning sitcom. I mean, seriously, let's all go back to season one when NeNe was drunk and singing in that limo. Did you ever think she would become this much of a legitimate and hard-working success? WIG! Her most recent blog post is definitely assalicious, as she weighs in on the Donkey Booty battle betweenPhaedra ParksandKenya Moore.
Kenya is also making a name for herself, as most housewives do, by recording a new song. I'm sure you watched it in all of it's glory onWatch What Happens Live, but if not, please, immediately click here. It's oh so worth it. She discusses her debut in a recent interview, and she chats about watching herself on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta it was the great booty show-down. Really. Kenya Moore decided to twirl all over Phaedra Parks' workout video and co-opt it as her own based purely on the fact that she thinks her butt is hotter and that she is more recognizable. Mind you, this is her opinion.
Things begin with Cynthia Bailey judging a hair show. And because she's contractually obligated to spend time with Kenya, Kenya shows up to "support" her. Kenya smizes at the camera, pretends to be earnest, and claims that she and Cynthia have started to become friends. Meanwhile Cynthia is shooting her a wicked stink eye and looking like the last booty she wants to see walk through the door belongs to Kenya.
Speaking of booties… it would appear there's a new horse in the OK get crazy and twirl corral. Chatting show-side with Lawrence and Derek J (bitchy step-sisters 1 & 2), it is revealed that the ever-humble, never wacky Kenya is coming out with her own booty workout video. A Stallion Workout video to be precise and that stallion aims to usurp Phaedra's donkey booty project.
Guess what, dear readers! It's the battle of the booties…the donkey booties! Dare I say it's epic! On the latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, tell-it-like-it-is attorney and mortician Phaedra Parks went head to head with the self-proclaimed favorite new cast member Kenya Moore (And twist!) over a butt enhancing "exercise" video. Somewhere, right now, Richard Simmons is wearing short shorts and a puff-painted American flag muscle tee, rocking back and forth in a corner, and screaming, "Why God, why?" Poor man.
In such a assilicious situation, there is sure to be some discord, but, in my opinion, Kenya was pretty out of line with her demands. Phaedra agrees, and I'm certainly not one to go against anyone who spews gems of advice in the form of the most ridiculous life lessons. Let's be honest, only Phaedra can equate a fancy coffin to an opulent life style…while waxing poetic about dill pickles and homemade macaroni and cheese. Girlfriend is one of a kind, and I love her for it!
Last night's episode ofReal Housewives of Atlanta was brought to you by the Bravo Home Shopping Network. We also learned a very good lesson about donkeys – they are stubborn. Very stubborn. And the more expensive the shoe, the more said donkey digs her heels in!
Things begin in normal land, or should I say New Normal land with NeNe Leakes and the family relocating to LA and their temporary home in the Hollywood Hills. Luckily Kenya Moore was on hand to loan NeNe some peeing cupid statues and other hideous faux Versailles pieces. What nothing reminiscent of Gone With The Wind? No massive draperies in velvet? No partially burned in the Civil War looking shabby chic dining room sets? No Rhett Butler portraits? #amateur.
So yeah, NeNe has arrived and she is ready to thrive!
Moving back to the land of ATL, Kandi Burruss is celebrating Todd's birthday by baking him a cake from scratch with her daughter Riley. Kandi was using cooking tools and clearly had a grasp of how they worked. I have to admit I swooned a little at the down-to-earth moment. Riley is talking about how she wants to move into the guest house when she gets older.
Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta we learned valuable lessons can be gained from reality TV. Namely how NOT to get a man to marry you.Kenya Moore illustrated that point in the best way possible when she used every man repellant trick in the book to try and bamboozle Walter into dropping down on one knee. Do not beg a man on national TV to marry you – especially when the show you're on falls into the "reality TV" category. #HowNotToBehaveAndWhy
Things begin with NeNe Leakes,Gregg, and some not so subtle hints. Given that they're moving to LA so NeNe can hit the big time in Hollywood, Gregg has fished out their wedding champagne flutes and poured some wine and then Oooohhh… baby! Bryson shows up with his new daughter Bri'Asia and she is too cute. Awww… babies are even making me overlook NeNe's really unflattering, heftybag-looking brown jumpsuit.
NeNe and Gregg double-team Bryson with a Come To Jesus talk about getting a job, earning his own money and not neglecting his responsibilities. I personally love when NeNe and Gregg lecture – they need to do some sort of motivational speaking summit for parents of the wayward, cause they are hilarious. NeNe discusses her own past being a single mom at 21 and how it helped her get her act together. Hopefully the same can be done for Bryson!