Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap

Real Housewives of Atlanta recap

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta is a cautionary tale of what happens when you love a man who is so, so wrong – from Sheree Whitfield writing a book about all the ways Bob has done her so, so wrong to Cynthia Bailey returning to Peter Thomas and realizing that leaving him was so, so right.

And then there is Kenya Moore.

On the other side of the spectrum, freed from the clutches of one felonious fool, Phaedra Parks is happily clutching her pearls while smirking the good fortune that has fallen into her lap. Or into her law office, rather, and it’s not a bomb threat this time. And Porsha Williams continues her travels backwards in maturity by sneaking her boyfriend into her mom’s house for a little late-night nookie (with Yoni balls).

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Kandi and Porsha argue over Phaedra

What the hell was going on last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta? That was the weirdest episode ever!

For some odd reason Cynthia Bailey decides to have a ‘Starting Over’ party in the office of a boob doctor and have her implants checked for an expiration date. The ladies of Real Housewives have done a lot of weird things in a plastic surgeon’s office, and they’ve had a lot weird versions of starting over/Tru-Renwal parties, but this one was by far the strangest. The whole cast showed up, dressed to the nines, to cram into a little exam room, screech over Cynthia’s boobs, and then watch the doctor diagnose them unevenly hard, but still usable. Not a very dignified way to start over.

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Kandi is angry with Phaedra

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, no one was feeling the love – well, except for Porsha Williams! She got all the love everyone else lost. Does that make up for Kordell locking her out of the house, then throwing away the key?

To prepare for the reality that she finally found a boyfriend who actually wants to be with her, and sensing the possibility that she could really, truly have kids some day, Porsha dresses up in all her fancy clothes to babysit Phaedra Parks‘ sons. After the stress of the bomb threat, Phaedra deserves a night out. Personally, letting Porsha babysit sounds like the blind leading the blind. Ayden and Dylan are actually way smarter than Porsha and ran amok over her.

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Kenya and Matt drama

There was so much crazy on this episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta. Breaking up was in the air… and so was the awful stench of Mama Joyce‘s desperation. When is this show getting new producers?

After Phaedra Parks‘ office received a so-called bomb threat, she called in 10,000 Strong (The Nation Of Islam) for a little lesson in self defense without showing your slip. Everybody knows… actions speak louder than words, and your words should be killing them with kindness like a bee trapped in honey! Everybody also knows it’s better to be safe than sorry!

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Phaedra & Porsha DNC

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta blew things up – pun intended! – from imploding relationships, to actual bomb threats, and in between, a political message.

Phaedra Parks is headed to the DNC, accompanied by Porsha Williams. Porsha explains that politics is in her blood because her grandfather was legendary civil rights leader Hosea Williams. Are we sure they’re related? I mean, Porsha thought the underground railroad was Atlanta’s mysterious subway which transported people to a safe-haven called The Mall Of America.

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Kenya

Don’t talk about Kandi Burruss‘ mama or try to take her food. Just in case you weren’t aware! On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, the ladies tried to come together for good, but first they had to be bad.

Crossing enemy territory and waving the white – or peach – flag of surrender, Phaedra Parks invites Kenya Moore to tea. Both wielding tongues like fruit knives, they exchanged barely-veiled barbs dipped in honey and stirred with hot milk to soothe the pain. But then Phaedra invited Kenya to be part of her efforts to send kids from Flint, Michigan, to summer camp through the Phaedra Phoundation.

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Kandi & Sheree

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta was all about love and motherhood and all the complications that come with it. But first, like with all things, we must dip our toe in hate!

Phaedra Parks, Porsha Williams, and Sheree Whitfield take their camel toes to brunch to discuss Sheree’s fight with Kenya Moore. Apparently, Kenya has been conducting faulty research, which misled her to believe Sheree is a hoe. “HOE!” scoffs Sheree, “I ain’t never been associated with no hoes!” Well, except for the ones Bob was probably cheating with. Sheree is indignant that someone who “slept her way to the top of the Z-List DVD rack” has the nerve to accuse her of impropriety.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta recap

Well, Real Housewives Of Atlanta went low quick. Like lower than the dip in Kenya Moore‘s hellish driveway!

Last night the ladies were throwing out the dirty buttermilk on each other. So, turn your prayer cloth into a strainer and start diluting that crud with holy water before you serve it up with biscuits! (That made no sense, but it sounds Phaedra Parks -ian).

Things begin at Moore Manor where Kenya is hosting a housewarming party. I know, I know… whoever heard of a housewarming party for an unfinished house? But even worse – whoever heard of a housewarming party for the ghosts of one’s past in the form of unwelcome guests. Unless of course you’re related to the Addams’s Family or Ebenezer Scrooge.

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