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Real Housewives of Atlanta

KenyaMoore+NeNeLeakes

Throwback Thursday time! A long, long time ago in the dawning of a televised civilization when reality TV was a zygote in the mind of an executive, Kenya Moore descended upon the Miss USA stage coated in sequins and smiles.

It was an era of videotapes and grainy pictures, of televisions so enormously heavy two strong men couldn't carry them into a living room. It was the time of hammer pants and music actually being played on MTV. It was a society where AquaNet reigned supreme. And until Beyonce quoted her at the Super Bowl, it was a young, undercover crazy Kenya's crowning moment. 

Behold: Before They Were Famous – Real Housewives of Atlanta edition! Below is footage from Kenya's epic crowning 1993 moment. There were no twirls. No one shrieked "Gone With The Wind Fabulous!" The sheen of desperation hadn't settled permanently into her skin and Kenya glistened with promise and opportunity.

In short, Krayonce hadn't been born. Miss WHO-S-A indeed! Get it girl! And credit where credit is due, Kenya looks great and that seriously was an amazing accomplishment. Beyonce never looked so good.

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Andy Cohen oughtta just offer Beyonce a job on Real Housewives of Atlanta already!

Kenya Moore has made much ado about how people confuse her for Beyonce and to prove their similarities, Krayonce recently released a song called "Gone With The Wind Fabulous." 

Following her epic Super Bowl half-time performance, Inside Edition asked Beyonce how she felt about the big show. Her response: "Gone With The Wind Fabulous" and she added a twirl and a smirk. Video proof is below! 

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In the middle of donkey booty workout DVD wars, Phaedra Parks has other things to worry about! Like becoming a mother for the second time. 

The Real Housewives of Atlanta star is currently in her second trimester (well at least that's what she says, but these RHOA ladies are a little sketchy about due dates!), and excited to be welcoming child number two into her family. 

Sitting down with The Huffington Post, Phaedra reveals that son Ayden, now 2, wants a sister! “He is so excited,” Phaedra gushed. “He keeps saying, ‘I want a sister.’ He actually has a cousin. So he thought that was his sister because he gets to see her often.”

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phaedra-apollo-phine-booty

Oh gracious.  As if the women of Real Housewives of Atlanta weren't enough drama on their own, Cynthia Bailey's husband Peter Thomas has to give the ladies a run for their money.  Seriously, what is up with Peter lately?  His already short fuse seems to be getting shorter and shorter these days.

Perhaps Peter should take up exercising and release some endorphins.  I'm sure his wife's co-star Phaedra Parks will cut him a deal on her additional upcoming workout videos.  Because more are coming.  Yes.  There will be more.  I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news! 

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Have any of you been missing Dina Manzo since she bid farewell to Real Housewives of New Jersey?  Well, fear not, because she's back…and her name is now Alessandra DiGiacomo.  That's right!  Dina's an actress now, y'all!

I'm actually really excited about this news.  Following in the footsteps of Real Housewives of Atlanta's NeNe Leakes, Dina has landed a role on an upcoming scripted dramedy.  The series, called Tainted Dreams, portrays the drama among soap opera actors behind-the-scenes of their daily stories (was my grandmother the only one who called soap operas her "stories"?).  How very Melrose Place of Dina!

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kenya moore

There is a lot going on with the Georgia peaches today.  The Real Housewives of Atlanta are running the gamut from hilarious to the super serious.  We've got NeNe Leakes teaming up with the hysterical Betty White, and Kenya Moore speaking out against Phaedra Parks in her blog. 

On last night's "Betty White's Off Their Rockers" NeNe, as well as some of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ladies, joked around with the veteran funny lady in a show that had seniors pranking the younger generation.  Who doesn't adore Betty White?  Meanwhile, Kenya took major offense to Phaedra's accusations of being bipolar…and I don't blame her.  Mental illness isn't something to throw around all willy-nilly…it's a serious topic, and Kenya has clearly been learning all about it on WebMD so she has the proper ammunition against her co-star in their Booty Battle.

Let's start with something light though, shall we? 

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rhoa-recap

Oh good lord! So last night we visited the asylum on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Sometimes I just don't even know what to think with the level of delusion of these Housewives. It's like they live in an alternate universe – one I certainly never want to be abducted to – where sanity and decorum is reversed. Heaven help us, but at least we now know the secret of Kenya Moore's "highly coveted" booty: falsies!

So last night things begin with Kenya showing off how she gets her award winning body: the gym. Hmmm… Kenya may have had an award winning body in 1945 when she was Miss USA but um… now she has Photoshop, lipo scars, and Kim K knock-off prosthetic booty and if she thinks that's not obvious, than well… errrrr… yeah.

Kenya and her trainer workout and slam Phaedra Parks for looking less than workout video ready and then Kenya complains that Phaedra is slamming her all over town. Look, ladies – you're both guilty of same thing. 

Phaedra is going the glamour route. All work and and no play makes a booty dull. She's doing a donkey booty photo shoot with a celebrity photographer. Thankfully she left her pickles at home and is instead wearing an outfit reminiscent of a pickle. Oh Phaedra – for all your so-called highbrow connections you can't find a stylist? 

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kenya moore

Ok this is going to be quick and dirty! Tonight is an all-new episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta and much to everyone's chagrin booty-battles continue as the merits of a stallion booty vs. a donkey booty are hotly debated. 

Even more exciting Kenya Moore becomes completely unhinged and scares the bejusus out of a buncha southern girls who love to gossip when she shows up at a party in full faux Phaedra Parks Southern Belle regalia! Even team kinda Kenya seems to be realizing this lady is a one shoe short of a pair of Louboutins! 

Reality Tea will be live-tweeting all the nonsense, so please join us on twitter. Bless our hearts. 

[Photo Credit: BravoTV.com]

TELL US – WHO IS MORE FULL OF FULL OF SHIT-ITIS: KENYA OR PHAEDRA?

 

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