Back in my last life when I taught first grade, I used to read "Which Witch Is Which" to my students around Halloween. For some reason, when I watch this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the same question resonates in my head! Is it the actual Wiccan Carlton Gebbia? Kyle Richards for her comments? Brandi Glanville? I just don't know anymore. Of course, Carlton thinks there is no bigger bwitch (my new hybrid word) in 90210 than Splits and Joyce Giraud. I think someone needs to Escape from Witch Mountain! Who's with me? Kim? (Sorry, couldn't resist!).
In her Bravo blog, Carlton has had enough of the judgment and hypocrisy, so she goes and does the proper amount of judgment towards Kaftan Kyle herself. Perhaps these ladies should be friends as they seem to act in the same general manner!
Yolanda was getting some flak on Twitter and in the blogs because she and Gigi only took a teeny nibble of a cake crumb. Yolanda wanted us all to see why. It was all in the name of a modeling gig – and a pretty big one! Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition big!
Everything Housewives gets "gated". And here on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we have graduated from cheating-gate, and hair-gate, and lastminutecancellation-gate, to necklace-gate; and most excitingly: you'recursed-gate. It's been a while since we've had a good curse on Housewives #Season1CamilleGrammer #Pernicious.
So that's what we're dealing with here and like sand through the hourglass these here are the days of our caftans. Cause you know, Kyle Richards was on Days of Our Lives for a splits richards second.
Anyway, Brandi Glanville has a problem with her tongue and her mouth and her speech and her general planet trashiness was affected by wonky aspirin. Which is a good thing because she also has a problem with *gasp* Lisa Vanderpump. Appprrrrrntly, Lisa holds within her bejeweled hands the power to deport people, destroy their lives, poison their aspirin, and dig up their ex-husband's long-dead mistress from the grave to release her from her coffin on the very moment when you walk into a Bravo-sponsored season finale party at her restaurant. Or something like that that. Cause if anyone knows how to work a good curse it's not plastic tits on a tan witch Snarlton Gebbia, but Giggy-loving Lisa!
If Kyle Richards wrote a memoir, I'd like to think she she title it "Kaftans and Hypocrisy: The Splits Richards Story." It's got bestseller written all over it, doesn't it? The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star can't get over how hypocritical co-star Carlton Gebbia has been, yet she can't see how bad her own behavior is towards former bestie Lisa Vanderpump. I was hoping that when Kyle watched last week's episode and saw Lisa defend her to Carlton, she'd feel badly for not returning the favor when Brandi Glanville was bad mouthing Lisa. Not so much! Why am I not surprised?
In her Bravo blog, Kyle begins, "This week is the kick off to some real craziness coming up. Buckle up! Mauricio and I received an invitation to Carlton and David's event and then after the dinner party received a 'disinvite.' I think it was a given I wouldn't go, but if Carlton felt the need to make sure I wasn't going to attend, I think the disinviting should have been directed to both Mauricio and myself. I'm not sure if she actually thought my husband would show up without me or she just wanted to add salt to the wound."
I remember hearing that Lisa Vanderpump was going to get the bad edit (the "Camille" if you will) this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and I thought to myself, "How is that even a possibility?" Well, Brandi Glanville has certainly done her best (with the help of old Kyle "Splits" Richards) to paint Lisa as some sort of brain melding, manipulative evil genius. And guess, what? It totally backfired. I don't know about you, but to me, the only thing more vanderfabulous than a flawless Lisa is a flawless Lisa who needs a hug because she's human and has hurt feelings thanks to horrible friends.
Even Yolonda Foster (who is her own brand of lemony perfection), has been giving Lisa the side-eye, but it's all incredibly unwarranted. What did Lisa do to any of these ladies besides throw glamorous parties and have a biting sense of humor? They probably hate Giggy, too. Imbeciles. Lisa doesn't even retaliate in her RHOBH blog, which is pretty much the standard place for the ladies' usual passive aggression. This week, she just sounds so defeated. In her Bravo blog, Lisa begins, "And here we are again. Another week has flown by."