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Real Housewives of Miami

Last night on Real Housewives of Miami, a very careful distinction was made. And that distinction was the differences between a regular, old, run of the mill famewhore, and an uber, professional celeb-stalking, paparazzi courting, namedropping famewhore. And guess who announced themselves a member of the latter category? Karent Sierra, dentist to the stars by day, photobombing pseudo-celeb by night! 

Only Bravo could find these people and give them a platform for which to promote their ridiculous endeavors? As Adriana de Moura pointed out – "Doesn't she have teeth to drill?" 

But before all that drama, Romain Zago is putting his foot down with Marta Krupa. It would appear that Marta, who has no reliable job to speak of, is seeming like a freeloader to Romain, who wonders just why she doesn't help out around the house? Romain spells it out – you're taking advantage of Joanna Krupa

Marta's all like, 'Yeah, but I like mopped the floor that one time! I help! I put a new toilet paper roll on the holder. And ummm… I, like, put the clothes away that I borrow from Joanna!' Romain chastises her for not even grocery shopping – which makes sense considering she doesn't have a job so how exactly would she buy food? Anyway, Marta, who's a serious actress, announces she's moving in with Fembot Fakenstein. Romain is like don't let the door hit you – and take out the trash on your way out!

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Last week it emerged that Real Housewives of Miami star Alexia Echevarria's son Peter Rosello posted a disturbing and disgusting video of himself punching a homeless man in the genitals to his Facebook page. 

Yesterday, Peter finally surrendered and was arrested. The twenty-year-old was arraigned in Miami-Dade County Jail yesterday afternoon on one count felony battery.

His attorney, Richard Sharpstein told the Miami Herald, “He’ll be pleading not guilty. We’ll present the best defense possible.” 

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I believe that the Countess said it best when she sang (rapped?) "Money Can't Buy You Class."  That seems to go double for the children of the women in the Bravo franchise.  Many have had situations that don't necessarily paint them in the best of light.  Again, I think the Countess can attest to that as well!

Well, now I think one of the Real Housewives of Miami offspring may have just taken the cake.  Alexia Echevarria's son Peter Rosello was known on the first season as the kid whose self-confidence she was trying to build by getting him into modeling.  He may be a model, but he certainly wasn't displaying model behavior when he videotaped himself punching a homeless person in his business and then posted the video online.  I just can't make up this stuff!

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Last night on Real Housewives of Miami, the battle lines were drawn as the women divided into three groups: The Nasty Nicies, The Above The Dramas, and The Something To Proves. I'll let you do the sorting over who goes where since it doesn't require very much brain power. 

Things begin with a heart-to-heart on the beach between Romain Zago and Joanna Krupa. Could it get anymore romance movie than that? Two attractive people, strolling side-by-side, the tension is palpable, Romain is concerned: is Joanna drinking too much? She's embarrassed them both and he has no idea what's wrong with her! Joanna is mildly defensive, but mostly empathetic. Oh – and she so doesn't have a drinking problem! 

Then Adriana de Moura comes on to the scene. Romain decides this is the perfect moment to tell Joanna that Adriana was throwing herself at him. Joanna is aghast. How unclassy. And she would know; she's read Class With The Countess cover to cover at least five times. Joanna sniffs that Romain can have Adriana – plenty of other men will take her. Romain is like 'Oh yeah? I mean you used to be an escort, oh, I mean allegedly! And you're out-of-control when you're drunk. And you've got Marta always around. Me on the other hand… "catch" is my middle name.' 

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We didn't report on this sooner, because well, TheDirty makes us feel dirty. Ewww… However, the other day the website famous for outing people's dirty laundry – whether true or not – reported that Real Housewives of Miami star and supermodel Joanna Krupa was a former high-priced escort before her modeling career took off. 

Nik Richie, owner of TheDirty (who also famously exposed Gretchen Rossi's affair while finance Jeff Beitzel was terminally ill) wrote a post titled "Joanna Krupa Is a Confirmed Hooker."

The post claimed to have proof that Joanna was a high class prostitute of the Elliot Spitzer variety who would bang zee menfolk for a pricey $10,000 a romp. Then of course Maxim Magazine discovered her existence and poof – no more prostitution whore!

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What happens when you take a show centered around a cooking club in Miami and splice and edit it into a housewives show?  You get a boring season with a confusing dinner party in each episode.  However, what happens when you revamp that season, let the ladies know to bring the drama, and replace some Basketball Wives with a supermodel and some successful surgically enhanced professionals?  Amazingness…that's what.  The only constant is Mama Elsa.

Real Housewives of Miami has certainly found its footing as a legitimate member of the Bravo franchise.  These women (and their ginormous boobs!) certainly know how to bring the drama.  Case in point?  Joanna Krupa had a meltdown of epic proportions on the most recent episode, ruining the 10th anniversary party for her fiance's nightclub…all thanks to a cheating DJ.  Now that's what I'm talking about, ladies!

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It seems that almost everyday there's a little buzz about which city will be hosting the next round of Bravo insanity with its own set of overly catty, surgically enhanced, and Botoxed to the hilt drama queens…marriage license preferred but certainly not required. 

While the Bravo cash cow has women fighting each other in franchises all over the country, one rumor has been consistent for a while.  Could Bravo be heading to the homeland of Eden and Cruz (yeah, I went there!) to film the next installment?  With the original Real Housewives of Orange County still bringing in the ratings and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills still bringing the most-talked about dramatics, wouldn't it make sense to go back to Cali for the next batch of crazy? 

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Last night on the Real Housewives of Miami somebody threw a big ol' temper tantrum and acted like a drunk sorority girl on too many jello shots. I'm looking at you, Joanna Krupa

Things got crazy last night, yes they did. Somebody likes her drinky a little too much – and doesn't like her fiancé enough. So – before all that blown out of proportion melt-down that I thought was going to be like uber crazy, but wasn't really, happened – everyone talked about how much the like their maids, how much they don't like each other, and about how Lea Black's friend is blaming Marysol Patton for ruining her life. 

Things begin with Joanna and fiancé Romain 'just waking up' and Joanna is sporting a full face of make-up, plus false eyelashes and some revealing lingerie. Yeah, I totally look like that when I wake up too. Sadly, Romain is more interested in his blackberry than sexytimes in front of the cameras. What no sex tape aspirations?

Feeling defeated, Joanna heads into the bathroom to yell at her sister Marta who reveals she's moving in with Fembot Fakenstein for a while because Romain hates her and she hates him too. I just can't get that worked up about anything before coffee, but clearly I don't have the Krupa temper – or penchant for over-reacting! 

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