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Real Housewives of New Jersey

Love and light, readers, love and light.  What do you do when one of the housewives franchises has become beyond toxic?  Well, if we're talking about Real Housewives of New Jersey, you'd bring back the most controversial woman ever…prostitution whore Danielle Staub

The former stripper, singer, stage mom, perpetual victim, and employer of personal security is set to return in the upcoming season to set the record straight about all the drama she was reportedly stirring up behind the scenes with Melissa Gorga about the table-flipping Teresa Giudice.  Now, I am terrified of Danielle.  I wouldn't want to meet her or her "friend" Danny in any sort of dark alley situation, that's for sure.  However, this new twist could be very interesting. 

Will Danielle side with the one woman who hated her the most in an epic effort to take down a shiny sister-in-law?  Will Danny return to intimidate Poison Gorga while plotting to bring an end to the Manzos and their blk water?  Can we get Ashlee Holmes back for an episode or two to rip out more of Danielle's weave?  Oh, the possibilities are endless. 

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Those Real Housewives of New Jersey never take a day off.   When they aren't filming, they are hard at work promoting their wares, trying to keep the ship afloat.  Whether it's Teresa Giudice pimping her cookbooks, drinks and hair products, Melissa Gorga serenading us with her latest tunes, or the Manzo-Lauritas hawking their blk. water, these Jersey gals are workin' hard for the money.

This weekend was no exception.  The blk crew, Caroline Manzo, Albie and Chris Manzo, Jacqueline Laurita and husband Chris, were at Stacks Pancake House in Paramus for a water tasting and bottle signing – and we have the pics for you! 

 

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Photos by: Rula Kanawati

Melissa Gorga is doing her Bravo duty and pole dancing for the network like a good little devotee.

Amid rumors that Caroline Manzo and Kathy Wakile are not returning for season 5 of Real Housewives of New Jersey, Melissa spoke out to In Touch Weekly insisting those rumors are simply not true! Gotta keep the fans guessing to keep controversy and interest alive, right?

"Caroline is returning,” Melissa says. “Okay, there you go. Caroline is back and so is Kathy." 

Just this week a flood of rumors started emerging that Caroline and Kathy were leaving in order to be replaced by friends of Teresa Giudice. Also possibly making a return is former supervillian Danielle Staub.

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Can it get any better than this, I ask you? Does it get any crazier than mammoth egos of epic proportions? And really who has bigger egos than Teresa Giudice and MADONNA? Really… I don't know?

According to The Huffington Post, the Real Housewives of New Jersey superstar confused herself with an actual superstar when she thought the legendary and undisputed queen of egos (and cheek implants), Madonna was going to be excited about the prospect of hanging out backstage with her! 

Teresa and friends were in the audience of Madonna's sold out MDNA Tour performance at Madison Square Garden. The above photo is Teresa attending the concert. 

Apparently prior to the show Teresa thought she could use her reality TV fame for a little leverage with a megastar! I mean she was on like Celebrity Apprentice, right. That implies she's a celebrity, like kinda, right?

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know what they say…if you're not being featured on every episode of a reality show, the best thing you can do is make the media rounds so people either A) don't forget about you, or B) (in the case of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' "star" Marisa Zanuck) know who you are before you're ever seen on the small screen.  We won't see Marisa until the eighth episode of RHOBH (yes, you read that correctly…THE EIGHTH!!  That's not even a friend of a housewife, is it Dana Wilkey?), but she's bombarding our favorite blogs with controversial interviews.  I may just like her.  :) 

You may recall Marisa has already talked smack about Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice and revealed that Lisa Vanderpump is nice…when the cameras are rolling.  Now, she's talking about how awful her co-star Taylor Armstrong is.  The lady is all about making friends, isn't she?  Not that I blame her…with the exception of my pink puff of fabulousness known as Jiggy's mom, I think she's probably spot-on with her personality perceptions.

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Oh, what's a reality show without a meltdown? I mean really. Can you imagine? There have been big ones, little ones, and epic ones and we here at Reality Tea mostly care about the epic ones.

You know, the meltdowns that result in flipped tables, country club stalking, slapped faces, thrown bottles, and wardrobe malfunctions. A fractured relationship doesn't hurt either! 

Below is our list of top meltdowns. Be warned: these are all of soap opera proportions!

Above, the Jersey Shore ladies lose it as Snooki and JWoww double-team poor Sammi

[Photo Credit: MTV.com]

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Teresa Giudice has been facing a lot of backlash over her husband Joe Giudice. The legally (and politically correct challenged) Househusband has been repeatedly called out for making gay slurs and homophobic sounding comments on Real Housewives of New Jersey

In a new interview with Star Magazine, Teresa is once again defending Juicy and insisting he "loves" the gays! 

"Joe came to the gay bar with me, and we had so much fun!” Teresa shares. “It’s so obvious he is not at all homophobic." Well, maybe he should stop using the F-word that rhymes with hag colloquially. Should I define that for the Giu-DOUCHE-es?

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Happy Election Day, dear readers! Since everyone is in a voting state of mind we decided to have a little fun on this ever-so important day.  Reality TV stars are always campaigning for favoritism (and sometimes buying their fans on twitter), so we got wondering, what stars could we – in our wildest dreams – see make it to the White House?

So cast your ballot for one of these fair candidates below. And remember this is all in fun so keep it funny, snarky, and apolitical! 

1. Caroline Manzo: She ruled Real Housewives of New Jersey with an iron fist – until Teresa Giudice went rogue!

2. Kris Jenner: The pimpmomager is a PR machine who is constantly juggling a thousand things. Plus, the Keeping Up With The Kardashians folks have as many skeletons in their closet as any good politician. 

3. Abby Lee Miller: She will frighten and intimidate foreign leaders into staying in line – or else! 

4. Donald Trump: Our national embarrassment (that hair!) might as well take it all the way. Plus, he could hopefully pay for his own campaign. 

5. Shaunie O'Neal: The HBIC of Basketball Wives knows how to dodge flying wine bottles, flinging insults, and a whole host of unruly people with a half-smile. I think she could whip congress into shape without so much as smudging her lipstick! 

[Photo Credit:Caroline Torem Craig/ WENN.com ]

CAST YOUR VOTE BELOW!

 

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