Real Housewives of New York Recap

Well, girls and boys… it finally happened. After months of build-up, Bravo unleashed the New New York and we finally caught a glimpse of Real Housewives of New York without Jill Zaaaaaaaaarin. For those of you who never thought you’d live to see the day – rejoice – but sadly it seems Pinot Singer has hopped right on up into the bitter, negative, biddy role that Jill so recently vacated. Dangit, Pinot!

Last night we were treated to some delightful new blood, and while Sonja Morgan was in good spirits and ready to move on and make new friends but keep the old, LuAnn de Lesseps, Countess no more and Pinot were still circling each other like round the UES rosie with the same old axe to grind. Sonja said the only thing worse than stale brioche at a party is stale guests… well meet your stale guests. Are people still eating brioche?

Things open with LuAnn and newbie Aviva Drescher pretending they’re long lost friends and doing lunch. Let’s just call it what it is – they’ve met each other a total of two times and Bravo is forcing them to interact as buddies to stack the odds. The only interesting thing that came out of this to-do was the revelation that Aviva’s ex-husband Harry has quite the active social life  – so active that he’s dated and most likely boinked LuAnn and Sonja.

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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New York City Reunion, Part 2: Where The Wild Things Are was equally beastly, equally catty, and equally spiteful as these ladies just cannot stop ripping each other to shreds! And for all the arguing about what a dirty word Class is, I hoped one of these housewives would find an ounce of it!

Things resume with Jill “storming off” the Brunette sofa to prove a point against Ramona snarking on LuAnn’s “weekend parenting.” LuAnn is frustrated that Ramona seems to spend an inordinate amount of time discussing how she raises her children, instead of spending time with her own child; she is also frustrated that Sonja would participate in such a discussion with Ramona. Sonja insists that she defended LuAnn but it was not on camera. Uh-huh – that’s the oldest line in Reality TV, but actually I DO believe Sonja would defend LuAnn, because she seems to be very loyal to her friends.

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It’s reunion time for the Real Housewives of New York! It’s blondes versus brunettes, sofa edition. Bravo has recreated the set for the reunion in honor of Morocco. Ramona is not pregnant, but she could have been…she has young genes and still gets her period. In fact, she’s having it now! TMI, Ramenstration. And let the games begin!

Right off the bat, Andy highlights the season’s many fights, as well as how many times each lady says “it’s the wrong place and wrong time” to have such an altercation. While the season has divided the ladies along a very visible hair color line, Alex pretty much has had beef with everyone. Starting with the gay equality march, Sonja says it wasn’t she who didn’t want Simon to speak at the rally–it was Bleep. Alex corrects her noting that, no, Alex and Simon are dear friends with Bleep, so that couldn’t be the case. Bleep clearly doesn’t want his name or cause walking hand in hand with the housewives.

Kelly is muttering under her breath about how wrong it is that Alex could forgive Sonja for insulting her husband on national television. Kelly tries to give us the timeline of the events leading up to the march, but she seems to be more consumed with asserting herself as a strong personality than actually contributing to the discussion. Sonja and Alex can look back on the fight and think, in hindsight, it had such a wonderful impact on the march because it brought more attention to the cause. Bleep clearly agrees since he’s so eager NOT to have his identity known. Jill tries to paint Simon as attacking Sonja at the march and Ramona disagrees with that characterization. Poor Jill so wants to show a pattern of bullying behavior in Simon!

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On last night’s Real Housewives of New York, aptly titled “Video Killed the Countess,” it’s video time for Luann and her micro-managing sidekick Jill. Cindy forgets her manners with Sonja, and Silex hosts an art party. Ramona goes toe-to-toe with the Countess in a low blow passive aggressive smack down, and Alex may have been a “Fly Girl” in another life.

Luann meets with music producer Chris, video stylist “Jersey” and the poor director who clearly would like to be anywhere else. The Countess needs them to fully understand her vision, and what better way to do that than to keep repeating the phrase, “It always goes back to beauty, class and elegance lies within the soul.” In keeping with that theme, the video will be shot at a casino in Atlantic City, and there will be a Hummer involved. Luann is on board with A.C., but a Hummer? “You know what those are, right?” asks Jersey. Surely this part is scripted, but it’s hilarious nonetheless. The Countess replies, “When I think of beauty, class and elegance, I don’t think of a Hummer.” I bet Ross Gellar Jacques would beg to differ. Luann would prefer a jet to a Hummer, and the men, who appear to be legitimate music industry peeps, are trying to appease their newest star diva songstress wannabe rapper. When pressed by Luann about his opinion on her song, the director describes it as “great” multiple times, and I’m worried his head may explode.

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Dear Bravo, allow me to introduce myself. I watch virtually every reality show you have to offer, whether it’s Top Chef or Flipping Out. I don’t require much, but I would appreciate if you didn’t insult my intelligence. On last night’s “episode” of Real Housewives of New York, I saw Luann bond with Kelly and teach her daughter to drive. I witnessed Ramona compete with Avery over who was busier. Jill also got to visit her daughter in college (coincidence?). Sonja hosted another party she could attend scantily clad, and Cindy? Well, Cindy was present to make one gross comment. This was not an episode…this was a bunch of scenes from the cutting room floor mixed in with Sonja’s party. You normally have a name for this…it’s called Lost Footage, and I don’t like being falsely lured into an episode. Thank you and take care.

Sonja is hosting a burlesque party where she will also be performing. Ramona and Avery join her shopping, and poor Avery admits that she doesn’t want to attend a party where “adults are dressed like that.” She clearly wants to be invisible as her mother brings out a rhinestoned corset and dresses as an over-sexed pelican. The sixteen-year-old in me wants to disappear with her. There is a sales person, and I’m thrilled there is a unisex term for retailers. The sales person was either a man, a woman, or a woMan, but regardless, everyone is in agreement that said person is Sonja’s twin.

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It’s a non-stop party on Thursday’s Real Housewives of New York! Ramona Singer and Countess Luann gear up for their daughters’ sixteenth birthday parties, with Luann pulling double party planning duty to host a surprise party for Jill. After her bankruptcy announcement, Sonja flies under the radar while Kelly hangs with Victoria and Avery at their respective parties. Alex helps her husband kick his smoking habit by inviting a hypnotherapist into their home. Oh, and Simon at one point wears a dress.

This episode begins with a battle of the party planners, as both Ramona and Luann are planning their daughter’s sweet sixteen parties. Ramona and Avery are meeting with some planners, and as it’s her party (or so she thinks), Avery is giving her two cents about everything. She is totally her mother’s daughter. Meanwhile, elsewhere in Manhattan, Luann is telling her party planners that she doesn’t want “an over the top sweet sixteen” for her daughter Victoria. Yeah, after all the hype surrounding Victoria, I can understand the family wanting to lay low. Of course, Victoria and Luann differ about the number of guests to invite.

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It’s the last leg of the Morocco trip for the Real Housewives of New York, and Alex uses Jill and Ramona’s fight as a springboard to vent her feeling about Luann…to Luann. Kelly fancies herself a therapist/life coach/mean girl when dealing with Alex, with some Scary Island thrown in for good measure. Sonja tries to avoid drama and is reminiscent of the funny, carefree woman we met last season. And Cindy? Poor Cindy is just as confused as ever as to why she agreed to this gig.

Thursday’s episode, “Last Call Morocco,” opens with a shaking and crying Jill, fresh from her altercation with Ramona. The brunettes swoop in to build Jill back up while the blondes attempt to console Ramona across the riad. Being the hostess with the mostess (attitude, that is), Luann will not allow Ramona’s behavior to ruin the ladies’ trip. She quickly goes to reprimand her guest, but Sonja and Alex run interference by requesting (what else?) pinot grigio for a traumatized Ramona who is being coddled to Alex’s braless chest.

Knowing the cardinal rule of entertaining, Luann obliges and pours a glass of liquid gold for Ramona before ripping into her. I believe that was covered in Chapter Three of her etiquette book. Alex, having found her backbone this season, asks Luann to leave before she can begin scolding Ramona. Kelly comes in and tells the girls that she refuses to take sides, and Ramona admits that she should have kept her mouth shut to avoid her fight with Jill. I had to rewind that part four times to make sure I’d heard her correctly!

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It’s week two in Morocco for the ladies of the Real Housewives of New York, and these girls continue to bring the drama. “Riad Divided” begins with the last week’s fade to black moment regarding Ramona’s fortune. Luann tries to reign in Kelly’s translation of the psychic, Alex looks equal parts disturbed and model-esque, Sonja sobs for her friend’s prophecy and Jill longs for her snakes.

Ramona seems mostly unphased by the prediction, instead rationalizing the reading by the fact that she knows other women recognize how wonderful her Mario is. Sonja reveals that her tears are less about Ramona’s situation and more about the insecurities brought on by her last marriage. When Sonja tries to speak to Ramona about these feelings, Ramona, in all of her sensitivity, reminds Sonja that their situations are different since Ramona married an age-appropriate man for love, while Sonja clearly married an old bag for his cash.

Even with this awkward exchange, Ramona and Sonja are able to reflect on their friendship and realize that despite their different pasts, they can be supportive friends to one another. Okay. If I had been Ramona, I would have slapped Sonja, but on the flip-side, if I was Sonja and Ramona made the “he’d been married four times before you, what did you expect?” comments to me, Ramona would have been hanging out with the snake on Jill’s head from last week.

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