Did the entire cast of Real Housewives of New York lose their minds (I mean, that's insinuating they had minds to begin with, but…) – someone must have spiked the pinot! Sonja Morgan is in hot water – and I don't mean in the spa hot tub. She's got a mess of financial issues that are literally drowning her. Because Ramona Singer has issues of her own, she's decided to ignore them and focus all of her animosity on taking care of Sonja. It doesn't bode well for Ramonja! Is Turtle Time dead? (Please say yes!).
Sonja has a pool day, so she and her intern hit up the local Whole Foods some refreshments and then hire a the DJ/Bar Tender. The guests? Sonja, Aviva Drescher, and Ramona. Yes – Sonja hired a DJ and bar tender for this. "If you don't feel decadent, you're doing something wrong!" Sonja explains. Something wrong like spending money on things like DJs when your iPod playlist will do just fine? Something like that decadence? #ThisIsWhyYoureBankrupt
Ramona is doing a negligee photoshoot with her dog so Avery can hang it on her dorm wall. Right – because everyone wants a calendar of their mother in over-the-hill lingerie. Holding a dog. With crazy-eyes. You know how they always say dogs resemble their master… Sonja comes over to also take photos of herself with her dog for Avery's dorm room? She yammers on about how she's now starting a men's and women's shirt collection. Meanwhile she lets her dog drink water out of Ramona's stemware.
Sonja puts on a happy face and keeps it together – she doesn't think anyone would know from looking at her how out of control her life is. She describes herself as a cat with nine-lives (and in 8 of them she forgot to put on pants!). Oh… I dunno, when I look at Sonja, I see a trainwreck.
My personal opinion is that waiting too long (over a year) between seasons leaves viewers uninvested in storylines and confused. I mean we don't even remember why Aviva Drescher started hating Ramona Singer or when LuAnn de Lesseps became besties with Heather Thomson. Or when Sonja Morgan last wore underpants. It's just too frazzled. It's like trying to decipher the product names in an iKea catalog. While it's all kindsa topsy-turvy drama, it all revolves around Meviva – just the way she likes it!
Aviva is one of those women who is validated by attention – any attention – which is why she keeps confabulating drama that centers around sheer ridiculous-ness. She seemingly doesn't care how idiotic she looks so long as she's being focused upon and talked about. And God bless the crazy train of her thoughts because it's working!
Last night on Real Housewives of New York, BookGate got "street", and thankfully no one was injured. And some other stuff happened. Finally.
We pickup where things left off at LuAnn de Lessep's BBQ. This season class with the countess means taking a backseat to drama and serving dessert while massive fighting occurs. And hats off (or should I say heads – heads bearing wigs) to LuAnn because in the midst of the melee she let them eat cakes. Yes, ladies, please this fighting is so gauche – literally where Heather Thomson is concerned – let's enjoy a nice tart instead. I've long been a fan of the mighty ego of LuAnn and this season she has truly reached her stride, she's let go of some of the pretense and she's more relaxed.
We pick up where left off in another one of Aviva's garishly painted rooms where she and Carole are arguing over whether or not they are psycho or writing their own books. According to Aviva, henceforth known as "Avicious," the "word on the street" is that Carole didn't write hers. 'Word on the street,' like the machinations Aviva creates in her mind while walking down the street? Word on the street is also that Carole's fiction book was a flop in need of serious re-writes. Word on the street is also that it takes a village to write a book. Again, that's only the word on Avicious street.
Aviva invites Carole to lunch to discuss books, which really become a war of the words and over words and who wrote them. Aviva started out as a fangirl who took her obsession a little too far. She's currently boiling Carole's bunny slipper in a pot of water to make pasta. For some reason Aviva has an obsession with Carole eating pasta.
Aviva whips out a pair of glasses and says she SWF'd Carole's look. I think she was making a joke. Carole thinks she was making a threat – to both her sense of style and her livelihood. "Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Flattery is the sincerest form of flattery," Carole corrects. Aviva did not get the memo. For a "writer" she has trouble reading between the lines. Maybe Carole should have used a ghostwriter?
I have to say I'm excited for Real Housewives of New York. It's been awhile, there's new blood, and interesting shakeups. I reserve the right to hate to my little hater heart's content as the season progresses.
Speaking of new blood: meet Kristen Taekman. Kristen loves Elvis, hates being a mother, possibly hates her husband, is justifiably afraid of Ramonja and is prettttttteeeeeeey! She also seems sort of sensible, straight-shooting, and refreshingly sarcastic. So far I like her and I'm trying not to judge her by the company she keeps (ahem – Brandi Glanville!). I reserve the right to hate to my little hater heart's content as the season progresses.
So let's get on with it. First on the agenda: everybody hates Aviva Drescher. I mean, duh. Apparently Meviva's 6,500 meltdowns last season, coupled with her extreme arrogance and her perverted father (who is probably illegal in at least 40 states) won her more enemies than friends. And no one is even bothering to be her frienemy but Heather Thomson.
Heather is throwing a party to show-off her relevance (i.e. that she used to be a big wig at Bad Boy Industries. Holla!) and all the girls will be there which means it's the first time they're coming face-to-face with Aviva since the reunion. Carole Radziwill gnashes her teeth at the thought.
Last night was the first segment of the Real Housewives of New York reunion. There was a definite divide between the demeanor of the veterans and the demeanor of the newbies last night. And by that, I mean the oldies came prepared to fight, get vicious, down and dirty while the newbies obviously didn't do their research and came prepared to recap the season and discuss.
Reunions are both my favorite shows to watch and my least favorite to recap. My favorite to watch because we get an unfiltered glimpse of the ladies, but they're a real beast to recap because the accusations are flying and the screaming is coming at you from all sides. Meanwhile I'm just trying to assess what everyone is wearing and who looks the worst. In the case of RHONY that award always, without fail, goes to Pinot Singer and last night was no exception.
I'm pretty sure the Project Runway "Unconventional Materials" challenge dress Pinot wore was constructed from old plastic bags on the top and my grandmother's living room sheers on the bottom. All dyed Crayola royal blue. Madame, you are in need of an intervention. Please refrain from drinking and dressing for the duration.