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Real Housewives of New York

Last night on Real Housewives of New York gale force winds and torrential rains swept through the tiny island of St. Barths. Yes, Hurricane Aviva had arrived and she was there with a vengeance and a fury. Whipping through the villa, shaking the trees with the huffs and blows of her screams and drenching the luxury with her tears and anger. 

Oh, Aviva Drescher. She wanted a red carpet, a cookie, for her husband to be exalted as a saint all because she got on an airplane and showed up. Too bad everyone else was like, 'whatever bitch – have a drink.' So yeah – needless to say paths were crossed, enemy lines were drawn, and her arrival sank like a torpedoed submarine. 

Before we get to all of that, the girls are still – shockingly – getting along, despite Pinot Singer's insistence at stalking the lovely and handsome pirate one night stand of LuAnn de Lesseps. 'Tomas! Whacha do last night? ' Pinot leered, wine sloshing over the top of her glass, wine bloat bursting out of her hideous flesh-colored dress, eyes popping and crackling with desire. Not desire for Tomas you understand, but desire for incriminating information. 

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Tonight the ladies of Real Housewives of New York continue their mission to behave incredibly badly in St. Barths. Last week viewers got a glimpse of LuAnn de Lesspes and her pirate affairs. Well tonight the drama continues when Aviva Drescher arrives on the island and goes head to head to with Pinot Singer and Sonja Morgan

What is it about RHONY and islands?

Aviva discussed the events with Celebuzz and admits it gets pretty crazy – like Scary Island crazy, perhaps? "Monday is, I think, sort of the crescendo of my storyline,” Aviva shares. “I really become unhinged. All that biting of my tongue when I was in the pool, or when I was going in the Jacuzzi, or when Ramona was in my kitchen, sort of comes out.”

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Oh Countess.  What a tangled web we weave…The etiquette queen of was caught up in a scandal on the most recent episode of her Housewives franchise.  LuAnn De Lesseps, who is dating Ross Gellar Jacques Azoulay seemed to be straying to a more Johnny Depp-esque pirate beau when the Manhattannite women were vacationing in St. Barths. 

While her cast mates wondered who she'd come home with after a night on the town, LuAnn found herself in a fistful of Italian lies after she fibbed about who came home with her after a night of partying on the island.  The truth will set you free, LeAnn…or at least, it won't make it look like you're hooking up with a pirate while your French boyfriend waits in New York to give you a new baby.  Oh the scandal!

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New York our friend the Countess got a little handsy with a pirate. Who knew she was into role playing and kinky sex. Gag.

While it would appear that LuAnn de Lesseps dogged out on longtime boyfriend Jacques Azoulay and snuck Tomas, a pre-teen pirate, into her bedroom at a luxury villa in St. Barths, LuAnn denies the allegations. She claims that while it looks bad it was actually quite innocent and that she should never have told a “white lie” by denying that Tomas was at the villa. Remember she kept insisting it was “old Italian friends.”

“He gave me a ride home and wanted to see the house, so I brought him in. Then he left. That was it,” LuAnn insists to Life & Style.”I told Jacques exactly what happened. He and I are still in love and happy.” In fact, LuAnn says the couple who is allegedly trying for a storyline baby (should Jacques don a pirate costume to stimulate her ovaries?) are on vacation right now. Hopefully not in St. Barths!

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Today’s bitch please award goes to LuAnn de Lesseps who told a big ol’ whopper on national TV and got caught! Ohhh girl, c’mon – everyone knows Bravo loves to expose a misdeed.

Last night on Real Housewives of New York the ladies arrived in St. Barths. On the teeny, tiny plane to the island nearly everyone is uncomfortable and I was wishing and hoping for a moment straight out of the seventies spoof movie Airplane. Inflata-auto-pilot? Yes, please.

So they all landed in peace and that was about the only peaceful moment of the trip. Actually I take that back everyone got along remarkably well and kept it in check especially considering Pinot Singer AND Heather Thomson AND LuAnn were there!

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Last week’s episode of Real Housewives of New York brought drama from end to end. Pinot Singer and Heather Thomson have been butting heads all season and things came to a peak last week with a ridiculous, over-blown argument at a supposedly “upscale” party. In the midst of the chaos, Heather called Ramona “crazy” cause hey, she is. Well, as you can imagine, that didn’t go so well.

“Calling a man’s wife crazy was probably not the best approach but initially Mario didn’t seem to disagree that Ramona was acting irrational. And in light of her behavior, I think crazy wasn’t far off the mark,” Heather writes in her Bravo Blog.

Ramona should be fighting her own ‘bottles,’ but instead of facing her issues she’s dropping bombs and then and running off, like always, and I am left to face Mario now.”

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Jill Zarin really, really, really cannot let things go. Good lord – talk about trying to relive your glory days! Jill, who is the self-appointed expert of all things Real Housewives of New York, is still dishing on the show and is now claiming some of the new castmembers really regret signing on. One doesn’t need an “insider’s perspective” to recognize that!

In a new interview with Celebuzz, Jill claims: “I’m in contact with a few of the current girls. I’m not going to name names, but what I will say is that they are miserable and going through a really, really hard time.”

Well, I can sympathize – Pinot Singer makes me miserable and I don’t even have to personally interact with her. Jill continues, “They hear what other people think of them or say about them and it hurts.”

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Leaping lizards!  This week’s Real Housewives of New York followed the same formula it has all season: Heather Thomson is frustrated with Sonja Morgan and her toaster oven shenanigans, Sonja is flighty, Jacques gets more Gellar-like, criticism goes over LuAnn de Lesseps‘ head, Aviva Drescher has anxiety and a kinky, super tan dad, Reid is adorbs, Carole Radziwill is the voice of reason with a less than stellar wardrobe, and Heather’s Cheshire cat grin irks the poo out of pinot swilling Ramona Singer.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  So it was kind of a shock to learn that this episode was the most watched since the premiere with 1.7 million viewers tuning in to the Bravo show.

Thankfully, we have the women’s Bravo blogs to rehash the events of the week.  Let the passive aggressive digs begin!

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