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Real Housewives of New York

Last night on Real Housewives of New York the ladies competed for their country in the wine olympics. And it’s not surprising that the wino award went to Pinot Singer! In other news, Carole Radziwill still hates LuAnn de Lesseps! They’re so mature.

Things begin with Ramona hosting a post-London debriefing. She expects everyone will arrive and complain about the horror that is Heather Thomson. Pinot is pleasantly surprised to learn that instead everyone now hates LuAnn. Particularly Carole who is bristly over the fact that LuAnn tried to compare their books. No one even bought that horrible book Ramona reminds them.

Sonja Morgan is still bent out of shape that LuAnn is tall and enters the room first. Really? Is Height Gate going to become a thing?

Aviva Drescher arrives and shares that Ramona – and now Sonja are invited to Miami. And in a fun bravo manufactured coincidence Carole will also be there because some designer friend of her’s has an event or something. As a fun treat, Aviva reveals she has a geriatric gentleman just perfect for Sonja and as an added benefit he’s a viagra sex addict! ‘Oh, whooo is this charming man,’ Sonja purrs. ‘My father!’ Aviva announces. Oh that’s delightfully UN-awkward.

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 LuAnn de Lesseps is a reality show veteran which is why it’s surprising that she would find herself wrapped up in a cheating allegation orchestrated by Pinot Singer‘s stinger.

People is reporting that on a recent cast trip to St. Barts the Real Housewives of New York star was accused of getting frisky with a Frenchmen who wasn’t longtime boyfriend Jacques Azoulay! Well if she gets pregnant, I say call Maury for a paternity test!

The accused man – a Johnny Depp lookalike – was spotted at the vacation home by google-eyed Singer, “I saw you here [at the house]. … OK, kiss and don’t tell,” Ramona remarks in an upcoming episode.

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As a writer you are challenged to encapsulate events and people in an exciting or innovative way. As a recapper you are challenged to reiterate exciting and crazy things that have already happened in a funny and innovative way. It’s a tough job.

Last night on Real Housewives of New York there were royal wars and pinot races. And nobody won at the end of an evening serenaded by the worst music I’ve ever heard on Housewives of anywhere – and that is really saying something. So Mazel, Cara Quici.

Things begin innocently enough with a bidet, some croquet, and champagne. Sonja Morgan, washing off the sins of her hangover, sticks her face in a bidet filled with ice. She does know what part of the anatomy a bidet is really for, correct?

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Real Housewives of New York is having trouble getting off the ground despite the up and running feud between Pinot Singer, resident crazy, and Heather Thomson, newbie championship fighter.

Didn’t anyone ever tell Heather you can’t reason with crazy?

On last week’s episode, Aviva Drescher‘s husband Reid – sarcastically, according to Aviva’s twitter – suggested Heather may be “jealous” of Ramona‘s success following her disastrous speaking engagement at the Learning Annex. Well, Ramona definitely didn’t agree with that. Oh, no – Heather isn’t jealous, she’s just insecure.

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New job, same problems! I can see that Jill Zarin has definitely turned over a new leaf – and is taking her professionalism to her next gig! On her very first day hosting a segment for GMA spinoff, Good Afternoon American, Jill chose to make it nasty and personal by taking a dig at Ramona Singer.

Now a bigger person than I might tsk tsk and claim Jill is still vengeful over her firing and needs to let it go, but I LOVE the drama and I think it’s hilarious that Jill has not changed one bit. Don’t you ever Jill – we like you just the way you are; crazy, venomous, and a total instigator!

“We’ve always had this kind of awkward relationship, embarrassing relationship, really,” Jill said of her former Real Housewives of New York nemesis. “So I kind of like watching her squirm a little bit this season.”

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This past weekend worlds collided with an awkward run in of former and present Real Housewives of New York stars. Ramona Singer and Kelly Bensimon were trapped at the same event! And everyone survived.

Both ladies – and their fashionably challenged selves – were spotted at Talent Resources’ Charity Polo Classic. Strangely, Dina Manzo also attended. “Earlier today at a polo match and ran into Dina Manzo,” Ramona tweeted, adding a photo of the two.

In other news, Ramona’s feud with Jill Zarin continues. Ramona is still upset about comments Jill made last season hinting that Mario may be unfaithful! Ramona claims the two exchanged words off camera over the incident, but she’s still not over it – despite Jill’s apology!

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Bravo switched up this season of the Real Housewives of New York, firing half of the cast.  An insider close to the series thinks that perhaps those changes could continue if fans aren’t on board with the newest additions to the show.  While an insider close to the NYDailyNews.com reveals that, for now, the franchise is seemingly safe, it reminds viewers that the cast is “constantly evolving.”  The source continues, saying that the show itself is “a formula.”  Perhaps Aviva Drescher should step up her game!

A Bravo source claims “it is much too early to even think about next season,” while touting that the network is “thrilled with the cast, and this Monday’s episode is high drama.”

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The lessons of life are hard learned, and Sonja Morgan – executress of the Hard-Knocks School of Life – knows this better than anyone. Sometimes the truth is a bitter pill to swallow and it hurts going down. Sometimes reality is as jagged as the edges of a broken wine bottle.

As Sonja presided over her interns from her UES townhome, all of them looking up at her with searching eyes so full of hope and promise, Sonja shook her head and smiled a misty smile; if only they knew that someday their ambitions would be stuffed in Neimans bag and returned. That they would be deemed unmatchable and undesirable. That the lessons learned in fifth grade would come back to haunt them. That sometimes extending the olive branch only means something if there are olives on the vine.

Real Housewives of New York started out on a beautiful day in Central Park. Heather Thomson and Aviva Drescher are getting together to talk shop. Aviva has something very pressing to impart. She is determined to keep the peace – but more than anything she is determined to be liked by everyone. So, she pushes the childhood insecurities out of her mind and soldiers on.

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