Oh reality television stars… you never cease to amaze me. One of the greatest things about reality TV is scathing, over the top, out of control ridiculous cat fights, arguments, and behind the back insults. It’s what differentiates reality from reality TV. See, I would never call someone a “dumb drag queen” … but in the wilds of reality TV, anything goes!
Reality Tea has compiled a list of some of our favorite reality TV insults. Below is some delightful footage of our hardworking stars doing what they do best – acting nutty and getting paid to do so! Let the memories come flooding back.
Real Housewives of New York had a looooong hiatus while it got all its new ducks in a row. Sadly, either people forgot about them and didn’t bother going back or everyone is still sick of the lingering taint of acidic drama. Regardless of why less and less people tuned in, the ratings for the season five premiere were less than stellar. Like so less than stellar Kim Zolciak‘s wig reveal slammed RHONY!
According to The Huffington Post, the season premiere only drew 1.7 million viewers in it’s 9pm slot. Which is unprecedentedly low for a Housewives season premiere. Just for some perspective – Real Housewives of Orange County (previously the lowest rated in the franchise) got over 2 million viewers for it’s season premiere.
Allegedly Bravo isn’t too upset by the ratings. “Bravo didn’t expect the numbers to be huge,” a network insider revealed. “Monday is a new night for the show and it’s the most competitive night of the week.”
I really think I’m going to enjoy the newest additions to Real Housewives of New York…especially Carole Radziwill. The widow and journalist (not to mention princess and bestselling author) with close ties to the timeless Kennedy clan will be joining Countess LuAnn and Pinot Singer on the upcoming season. She was recently interviewed by the New York Post where she described herself as the “unlikely housewife.” I like her already.
Calling the show a “job offer”, Carole explains, “Critical acclaim is great, and it gets you the corner table, but commercial success pays the bills.” With the women of New York rumored to be making $500,000 this season, I’d say that’s not too terrible of a payday.
While many ladies try to finagle their way into the franchise by befriending wives or crashing cocktail parties (an estimated 500 women tried out for Beverly Hills), Carole had no desire to pursue reality television. Of her friend and Bravo King Andy Cohen, she says,“I could probably count on one hand the number of conversations I’ve ever had about the ‘Housewives’ show with him.”
If you thought the Real Housewives of New York was going to get less dramatic following the firings of Jill Zarin,Alex McCord, and Kelly Bensimon, you’d be wrong. Rather than getting classier, the show is probably going to look a lot more like the menopausal, passive aggressive version of Bad Girls Club. The show premieres in two weeks and already, the ladies are taking shots at each other in the press for truly pointless things like their premiere parties.
Rob Shuter of the Huffington Post, who love him or hate him, does appear to have a direct line into the RHONY world, reports that the upcoming season will be Ramona Singer and Sonja Morgan versus the rest of the gang, which isn’t surprising. As far as Countess LuAnn, she remained more opportunistic, as she usually is, and stuck with the new blood, and the anonymous cast member tells Rob “The Countess, who has tried to stay neutral in the past, was forced to choose between the new ladies and her old cast mates … and picked the former.”
*Sigh* When I started watching the Real Housewives of Orange County way back when I was intrigued by the wealthy and fantastical lifestyles of women very different from me. As Real Housewives of Atlanta and Real Housewives of New Jersey came onto the Housewives scenes, they were my two favorites of the franchise. They were light-hearted, silly, and kooky – and I loved the genuine friendships along with the realistic seeming issues between friends.
As with Atlanta, no one on this show likes each other anymore. It’s painful and obvious that even the supposed friendship scenes are fabricated and the ladies are dialing it in. Additionally, I am very tired of the husbands dominating the storyline. This is a show about Housewives – I don’t care about your hubby. If they are that interested in being housewives, get a sex change!
Have you ever said something and immediately after you said it, you wished you could take it back? I think it’s known as foot in mouth syndrome. You know, the awkward moment when something unguarded or rude flies out of your mouth and you’re like ‘ooohhh… oooohhh… that was a mistake. Why did I say that?’ And you try to backpedal. I dunno – maybe Teresa Giudice doesn’t have that radar? So, anyway that was the theme of last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Teresa said something rude to her brother Joew Gorga about Melissa. She probably realized she shouldn’t have said it, but it was too late. The idea was out there floating around in the universe. And the problem was not that Melissa might leave her hubby for a richer man, but that Teresa thinks she would. So there you have it. Teresa, God help her.
We all love Teresa for her sense of unfiltered honesty, but sometimes you gotta know when to zip it! And sometimes you have to know when to pick and chose your battles. And Melissa is not the type of person to give up the opportunity to look like the blessed golden one; the innocent taken advantage of. So when she came at Teresa with the ‘YOU APOLOGIZE! YOU SAID HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT ME’ stuff, Teresa should have owned it and said “sorwry, Meliss.” Now – that would have shocked the words right out of Lady Gorga’s mouth!
Now onto the recap. So last night everyone is at the shore except for Caroline Manzo and her fam. They’re back in Franklin Lakes talking about how fat Lauren Manzo is. The Manzos have poop in their pants – meaning they’re wet blanket miserable bores. I used to love Caroline, now I just count the minutes until she’s off the TV. Oh – did I say that out loud? Sorry, Caroline’s publicist! So everyone FUN – or even remotely fun – is at the shore where Teresa is having some gathering on a boat. It will be The Juicys, The Lauritas, The Wakiles, and The Gorgas.
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If you’d like to resemble the above photo, the book tells you to eliminate “sugar, oil, alcohol, salt, caffeine and nuts” and to chew gum. Kelly also advises to chew “8 times instead of 4.” In other words, the same old dieting advice you have heard about 5 million times before with a little extra psychosis just for fun. Other groundbreaking dieting advice is drink 8 to 10 glasses of water, get enough sleep and exercise daily.
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, the ladies of Jersey continued to fragment – but surprisingly so did the men! There was drunken debauchery, poison expulsion, and a fight! Oh, Joe G-to-the-iudice, why you such a mess?
Things begin with Jacqueline Laurita throwing the wayward Hatley Holmes out of the house. Except, Ashlee’s hatless now – she’s Lohan-esque instead (I would call her Injectibles Holmes, but people might think I’m talking about Jacqueline). Anyway, Jacs didn’t seem at all sad to see her go. And poor, once-promising Albie Manzo was sentenced to drive Ashlee to the airport. In the car she whines and fussed about flying and begs the aeronautics gods to make her 21 so she can get wasted before her flight. Then she brags about the time she drank a bottle of cough syrup through a straw to ease her fear of flying. That’s not completely cracktastic or anything! #rehab.
Albie compares Ashlee to Ke$ha but I think that’s too generous because at least Ke$ha has some semblance of talent (maybe?) and a career of some undeserved recognition.
Melissa Gorga pays a visit to Non-Juicy Joe where he is hard at work overseeing the development of buildings. She’s wearing some sort of tight, mini dress and Joe gooses her as they tour the facilities. Joe owns three buildings on the same street – one for each of their children. Melissa doesn’t get a building – she gets Joe and his poison instead. #luckygirl #sarcasm. They reminisce about a time when they had no money to buy diapers and were poor, poor while Joe was developing his buildings.
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