Confusing times on Real Housewives Of Orange County!Brooks makes me suspicious, yet Meghan Edmonds makes me equally suspicious. Whose motive is weirder?! I love a mystery – Veronica Mars is my favorite show, but Meghan makes amateur private investigators everywhere look psycho.
Brooks Ayers is a professional liar, smooth as snake oil and slathering it on Vicki Gunvalson as the serum of youth. Meghan is a two-bit phony, but she has two luxuries: Time and Vendetta (and internet access). This will not end well.
Things begin with Meghan meeting Heather Dubrow and Shannon for dinner. Everyone gets along now because Shannon saw the light that Meghan is always right (AKA, get along well enough to talk ish about Vicki).
Can we stop talking about cancer? Obviously it’s terrible, but does an entire season of Real Housewives really need to be devoted to questioning it, discussing it, and arguing over who is the expert on it. Especially when ME-ME-ME-Meghan, the person most vociferously insisting she’s the so-called expert can’t even figure out how to make MINUTE RICE!! (This same person then brags that a meal containing Minute Rice is healthy. Oh honey… have you learned nothing from Vicki: cancer loves processed food!).
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County there were arguments galore about, of all things, Brooks Ayers. Of course. Meghan Edmonds and Vicki Gunvalson both were out of line and Jimmy Edmonds demonstrated that he does not want to be a Real Housewife, nor does he appear to want to be married to one! Good luck with wife number 4 as somepeople say.
Meghan has decided she is the foremost authority on all cancers and all cancer treatments in all the worlds. Being that she is part of the oncology department at Johns Hopkins. Oh wait, no. She’s not. She just knows how to Google. Kind of. I mean in between doing Hayley’s homework. When Vicki doesn’t want to take her advice and sees through her fake tears about how she caaaaares so deeply, Meghan calls Vicki a “bitter old woman.” Well, Meghan, keep acting how you’re acting and this is your future!
The bottom line is this: Meghan’s concern is insincere. She clearly believed the psychic (or someone else put the idea into her head that Brooks‘ cancer diagnosis is questionable) and her true intent is to catch Vicki in a so-called lie. Vicki sees through her – it’s more transparent than Tamra Judge‘s lace catsuit (and just as classless and desperate). The bottom line is no one’s health is the same, and neither is their health treatment.
There is so much to cover in this episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County. The drama was as fast-paced as a NASCAR race and just as laden with fiery crashes. It was hard to know where to look with all the insults speeding past. I think Heather Dubrow‘s wide-eyed, defied the effects of Botox, shocked face said it best. You know something’s big when it supersedes the glamour of a 22,000 square-foot house with its own luggage room, and a lunch menu that features “sparkle cauliflower!” (That sounds like something from the Gretchen Christine Bootay Collection).
Before all the hate comes love-ish. Vicki Gunvalson is getting into the business-side of filling love tanks and renting out her backyard for weddings, specifically the wedding of Tamra Judge‘s son Ryan. It also emerges that Vicki and Tamra attend the same church. Tamra is in chapter 2 of Bible For Dummies and is therefore ready to be baptized at the big church party. Dunking your head in a vat of wine does not count as accepting Jesus, Tamra.
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County was psychic friends vs. psychotic love! The real question is – is a psychic really qualified to diagnose the validity of your cancer? Also, Shannon Beador pees herself when she runs – time for Lisa Rinna to get the ladies of RHOC a Depends connect.
Let’s just say this was an episode full of mixed messages – starting with Shannon’s parenting. Shannon’s pre-teen twins were caught toilet papering the neighbor’s house and Shannon is using this as an example of how she and David are a unified front. Shannon has NO tolerance for childhood pranks – she whips out her crystallizing zen goggles and attempts to stare her daughters down with the evil eyedometer set on ‘gentle,’ but her kids merely laugh. Shannon’s daughter Adeline calls Shannon out for being no fun unless she’s drunk and Shanon’s face freezes in a shocked expression.
Last night on Real Housewives Of Orange County the ladies played Bravo’s most popular game: She/said-She/Said. The winner was Meghan Edmonds, who claimed the ‘Pot Stirrer Meet Kettle’ award. Because honestly, accusing someone else of being a pot stirrer in defense of Tamra Judge is absolutely ludicrous beyond belief!
As is always the case on vacations Tamra and Vicki Gunvalson can’t keep it in their pants… their bodily functions that is. After a night of binge drinking Tamra, Vicki, and Shannon Beador are in no condition to go on an underwater excursion. As Tamra termed it she can’t stop s#*!ing herself. Can we get Tamra and Vicki some sort of potty training refresher course? Meanwhile not even the nebulizer can clear out Shannon’s brain.
Heather Dubrow, wearing DENIM CUTOFFS (it was like an alien sighting — but she looked great), barges in to try to rally them, but even her assurances that she had Depends and wipes in her Birkin couldn’t get Vicki and Shannon to come along. Tamra dragged herself aboard the bus and worked diligently not to poop her 1992 Hair Band video vixen hot pink one-piece during the boat trip.
The Real Housewives Of Orange County are in Tahiti, which means Meghan Edmonds is dishing out lectures on how to behave all cultured and classy-ish while Tamra Judge is desperate to show off her new jugs with some topless swimming. When not in America be like the French! Thank goodness Governess Heather Dubrow was supervising this trip to keep these bitches in line. Heather is demanding a raise – she has diamond-studded Champs Doorbells to buy!
First things first, the group boards a ferry to get to their final destination: Moorea. Like any good horror movie it starts with the heroine getting the feeling that something is wrong…. Vicki Gunvalson‘s suspicions grew in proportion to Meghan’s hair soufflé, which expanded like a Chia Pet … getting pouffier and pouffier… meanwhile Vicki was feeling pukier and pukier – even her dry heaves sound like whoo hoos.
Before traveling to Tahiti our unfortunate Housewives are forced to take part in a couples game night hosted by Meghan. Because Meghan takes her job as being a HashtagCoolStepMom very seriously, Hayley, her 17-year-old stepdaughter is involved in the planning of said party. Meghan, confusing a grownup party with her own Candy Land Princess-themed birthday party, went to Party City and bought balloons and giant bags of candy. If Heather Dubrow were planning this, she’d hire a French chocolatier to hand-craft custom-flavored truffles decorated with the family insignia. Alas, this is Meghan we’re dealing with so Blow Pops it is.