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Real Housewives of Orange County Recap

WOO HOO! A new season of Real Housewives of Orange County and these biatches better bring it to redeem the great dramaful state of California following the Beverly Buzz Kills debacle. Tamra you do call the shots – to the bartender! Line ‘em up!

Things begin with Gretchen in her totes normal house with a totes normal bathroom, despite the rose petals on the floor. And that’s one thing I’ve always loved about Gretch. Her cutie little beach house that never turns into a McMansion she can’t afford. Gretch is curling her Kim Zolciak Weave Collection wig while wearing over-the-knee boots with a white denim jacket when Slave walks in. He wants to know what she’s late for? Just lunch. Gretchen is elusive and Slave isn’t allowed to come with. He must stay home and pick up dog poop or something.

After using the word “Babe” about 300 times in five minutes, Gretchen confesses she is actually having lunch with her arch nemesis, Tamra! Cue the suspenseful music! The two evil queens of Orange County will meet with each other in a blonde vs. blonde face-off, to once and for all, bury the hatchet!

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Finally. Part one of the Real Housewives of the Orange County reunion is upon us. I am almost embarrassed to admit how much I have been looking forward to this reunion. Not only does it signal the end of a (very long) season, but with these ladies (and I use that term loosely), there is sure to be some juicy drama. Right off the bat, there are two separate sofas, one for each clique. The legs are shinier and the fake hair is rampant, with each housewife looking more plastic than the next.

Host Andy Cohen starts things off with a tame round of questions. Am I the only one who doesn’t care how Alexis pronounces “Am Ex” or who doesn’t feel the need to watch her awkwardly define “couture” YET AGAIN? Vicki reveals that she and Brianna hate the word “vagina” and prefer to call them pink parts. Oh yes. That is much better. Get to the good stuff, please.

Andy plays a montage of Tamra and Eddie’s make-out moments, culminating with the infamous bathtub sex scene. Some of Tamra’s drama with Simon is highlighted, and she tells Andy that they are weeks away from having their divorce finalized. Alexis passive aggressively makes a dig about how well Tamra’s children will know Eddie once they see that scene. Not one to shy away from confrontation, Tamra admits that a court order keeps her children from watching Bravo, so “what are you getting at, Alexis?” Alexis tries to hold her own by saying that her four-year-old knows how to use a remote control so it’s possible for Tamra’s kids to see it without her knowledge. I half expected Peggy to jump in to say that her daughter learned how to work a remote control at age two. Still on the attack, Tamra reminds Alexis about how her kids fell into a pool while strapped into their stroller while mommy and daddy were taking shots. So, is she saying they are both up for Mother of the Year? And so it begins…

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Howdy y’all! The Southerner in me has only one thing to say about Sunday’s Real Housewives of Orange County: Good gracious and bless their hearts…Alexis is wasted, Gretchen is hilarious, and Tamra is…human? Don’t shoot the messenger! Vicki continues to struggle with her feelings for Donn, and Peggy unwittingly finds herself in competition with (who else?) Alexis.

This episode, “Cutting Loose,” starts with Alexis and sidekick assistant Dylan shopping for cowboy boots for her upcoming trip to visit Gretchen in San Antonio, Texas. The poor salesman can’t find a boot with a high enough (or sexy enough) heel for Alexis’ taste, but at least she has on a pair of ridiculously tiny Daisy Duke shorts to counteract the conservative boot. Alexis is looking forward to the brief getaway from Jim and the kids, but admits she’s not a cowgirl or a girls’ trip kind of girl.

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This week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County is pretty drama-free, relatively speaking. Peggy and Alexis continue to rehash and compete (with a photoshoot face-off being one of the night’s highlights), Tamra and Fernanda make nice, Vicki continues to struggle with her marriage issues, Gretchen heads to the Lone Star State to sell her wares, and Slade’s mom tells it like it is.

Tamra meets Lynne for lunch and Lynne asks if Tamra and Fernanda are an item. Tamra acts shocked but spills more of the details on the infamous kiss. She reveals that Eddie is convinced that Fernanda is in love with her. I am not so sure Eddie feels this way or if it’s more Tamra wanting him to feel that way, but regardless, we learn that the kiss did involve tongue, but thankfully, no “nipple tweaking.” Tamra always has a way with words.

Peggy goes to Alexis’ home to confront ask her why Jim wasn’t at the dinner party. In her interview prior to speaking with Alexis, Peggy says that as long as she’s known Jim “he’s never had a real job” so she’s not buying that “work” kept him from attending. Alexis is (finally) honest, admitting that Jim doesn’t want to hang out with the catty ladies any longer, and Peggy is hurt that Alexis didn’t feel as if she could tell her the truth earlier. Peggy presses to see if Jim has beef with she and Micah, and Alexis rambles on and on about how she’s too busy to have a social life, what with her perfect kids, and working out, and that whole fashion designer thing. Peggy brings up a time when Jim was very condescending to Micah about Micah’s lamborghini knowledge (seriously, who ARE these people??) and Alexis reminds Peggy that Jim has had four lamborghinis in the past. Ahhhh, now I get why this episode is called “It’s Not a Competition.”

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Sunday night’s Real Housewives of the O.C. focused on Peggy and Micah’s dinner party and w(h)ine pairings. Tamra and Vicki added a new “mean girl” to their clique in the form of Donn, Gretchen dodged digs aimed at an absent Slade, Alexis spent the evening crying (and lying!), while Peggy sat back and wondered why her dinner party was so full of drama. (Peggy, here’s a hint– check out your guest list).

The episode begins with delicious looking food preparation. Oh look! It’s Mary Sue Milliken of this season’s Top Chef Masters! Subtle, Bravo. Peggy Tanous and her husband Micah are diligently watching over the people who are actually setting up and decorating for their dinner party. The two spend a lot of time name-dropping high end clothing, watches, and cars while getting ready together.

Slade Smiley’s child support woes have just become headlines in the O.C. (I had to remind myself that it was filmed several months ago), and Gretchen has given up her usual grating laugh for near tears as she explains the “real story” to her hairdresser. Not surprisingly we discover that Slade won’t be attending the dinner because he’ll be at home painting naked spending time with his children.

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real-housewives-lynne-alexis

So last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County brought us some rather tender moments between the mother and daughter duo - Lynne Curtin and her teenage daughter Alexa Curtin. And by tender, I mean a spoilt over dramatic teenager cursing out her mother on national television, while the mother ofcourse just sat there and took it.

Wowzers, did those conversations really take place between these two? I guess we should all have seen this coming as earlier on in the season, Alexa, 16, was shown asking her mother for beer while in the company of others. And then she didn’t show up for the family’s counseling session and of course missed her curfew. Alexa would later confide in her mom that the reason she missed the counseling session was because she was hung over. Sighs, 16 isn’t quite what it used to be.

Lynne took her daughter to the mall in hopes of trying to talk to her, but things took a quick turn for the worse when Alexa blew her fuse and called her mother a “b—-.” But it didn’t end there, Alexa sensing that she just crossed a major boundary with zero consequences, grew bigger balls and later told her mother to “Kiss my ass,” before walking away.

The interesting thing about this rebellious behavior from Alexa is her honesty in her interviews. The girl admitsshe would like some boundaries and discipline, and is pretty much begging to be punished and grounded by her parents.

What came next was Lynne’s drunken meltdown at Alexis Bellino’s get together. We see Gretchen and Tamra get along, and the main drama seems to be the one between Lynne and Gretchen, as it seems Lynne is still holding a major grudge regarding Gretchen’s attempt to talk to her daughter. Perhaps it’s time for Lynne to let that go and focus of being a parent to her children. I’m guessing she was so defensive because she KNOWS she is a crappy mother.

I love Gretchen’s comment – “Just because you pop a child out between your legs doesn’t give you the God-[given] right to know how to parent!” Yes you can’t really know what it’s like to be a parent until you are one and blah blah blah, but anyone with an IQ above 10 can see Lynne has dropped the ball on parenting her daughters.

I do agree with what the ladies told Lynne, that is it never too late to become a better parent. Hopefully Lynne has made a complete turnaround in that department. Having your daughter call you a bitch on national television should be rock bottom. In a way, I actually have a little sympathy for Alexa, she is the child in this relationship and has obviously received no discipline or guidance from her parents, and has even told them on more than one occasion that she would like more boundaries and discipline.

TELL US – WHAT WERE YOUR THOUGHTS ON LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? ON LYNNE AND ALEXA’S DRAMA?

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