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Real Housewives of Orange County Recap


Well, the eighties happened and then they came back to haunt us. Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County might as well have been titled ‘What The Eff?’ I have no idea what was going on, either in the show or in Vicki’s head. There were so many meltdowns I couldn’t keep track! There was whining, crying, and screaming everywhere I turned. The only person not acting insane was the person about to undergo surgery to remove potentially cancerous tumors! Why is Briana a zillion times more mature than a pack of women twice her age?

Things begin at Tamra‘s ’80s themed Bunco party. The guys arrive all in period themed costumes; Slave stole Billy Ray Cyrus’ mullet, Eddie looks silly, and Terry bought his wig at Dollar General. It was fun. Vicki immediately freaked out upon seeing Slade and went off the deep-end. Tamra tried to include Brooks, but he couldn’t come. Alexis was pissed because Jim wasn’t invited–because no one likes him–although, Tamra claims he didn’t want to participate.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County the ladies went back in time to their golden years. Aaaahhh… the ’80s; before botox, satin cocktail dresses, orange tans, and TV friendships took over their dreary lives. To a time when they were young, free, and filled their heads with hairspray instead of restylane.

Things begin with Gretchen and Slave driving somewhere. Slave has found his calling of the week in comedy. He says, making jokes helps him escape his problems and he now wants to pursue this. Even Gretchen is like, ‘gimme a break!’ Gretchen asks him not to make future acts center around her co-tarts. There goes Slave’s interest in comedy, because what other material can the man come up with?!

Heather and Tamra meet for lunch. I love Heather’s dress. We find out Terry is from Van Nuys and his father lives in the OC, which explains how east coast Heather ended up in a nouveau, riche, trashy, beach-side, suburb of LA, nearby the likes of Gretchen and Alexis. Kidding, I have family in the OC and it’s beautiful there.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, Slave took the stage, in what he presumed was a hysterical commentary on Housewives in their natural habitat, including the wrath of Miss. Piggy. Who really does not deserve to be unfairly compared with a certain lady of last night’s entertainment. Miss Piggy is actually well dressed as we know!

Things begin with Tamra showing up at Vicki‘s to make breakfast. Tamra looks cute – I love her shirt. Vicki immediately launches into what’s the deal with Gretchen? Are they besties, what happened, when, and why wasn’t she informed? Vicki is disappointed Tamra never confided her new friendship and warns Tamra that’s she going to have a brown nose because it’s so far up Gretchen’s mmmm. That close up of Vicki was a little frightening, no? Thanks editors!

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, skeletons came out of the closet, or the bedroom if you will, as Tamra and Gretchen told the other ladies about their new friendship and the truth about Brooks’ trouble with the law surfaced.

Things start out at the Effing Catalina Wine Mixer. Which, really is a wine mixer with all the wine these forty-something parents are mixing! No wonder they are acting like such nut balls. They could have their own Will Farrell-esque comedy about people who refuse to grow up.

Tamra is obviously insane – it’s more clear than ever after her meltdown last week – and is very upset that Vicki and Eddie were touching. Tamra is sobbing jealous because she loves them both so much. Eddie reassured her that he is not interested in Vicki, and that he loves her very much. Why he’s interested in Tamra is a whole ‘nother subject.

Back at the table Tamra starts crying again, explaining she doesn’t care about horoscopes, but Vicki and Eddie aren’t allowed to high-five or get within a 50 foot radius of each other. What is she so worried about?????

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On last night’s episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County, Alexis and Peggy quit each other and Peggy quit the show! We learned more about Heather and well, she’s very confident (and wealthy), isn’t she? Vicki and Tamra haul their boyfriends to Catalina where they proceed to embarrass themselves on national TV with a PDA orgy. Aaaahhh… The C in OC, certainly doesn’t stand for class, does it?

Things begin at Vicki‘s Cajun-themed dinner party where Peggy and Alexis face off over who is the boobiest, dumbest, and has the worst broken bone story! They tepidly make nice as they try to size each other up while peering over their enormous fake racks.

Apparently Peggy wanted to tell Alexis about her very vintage Jim experience, but Jim made her swear not to. When it was unearthed, Jim accused Peggy of stalking him and breaking into his house. Alexis being Alexis, decided it was exclusively Peggy’s fault that her husband didn’t deign to tell her about their fifteen year old relationship. Why wouldn’t Jim tell her from the get go and then they could laugh about it amongst friends? I sincerely doubt either Jim or Peggy wants to rekindle things.

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WOO HOO! A new season of Real Housewives of Orange County and these biatches better bring it to redeem the great dramaful state of California following the Beverly Buzz Kills debacle. Tamra you do call the shots – to the bartender! Line ‘em up!

Things begin with Gretchen in her totes normal house with a totes normal bathroom, despite the rose petals on the floor. And that’s one thing I’ve always loved about Gretch. Her cutie little beach house that never turns into a McMansion she can’t afford. Gretch is curling her Kim Zolciak Weave Collection wig while wearing over-the-knee boots with a white denim jacket when Slave walks in. He wants to know what she’s late for? Just lunch. Gretchen is elusive and Slave isn’t allowed to come with. He must stay home and pick up dog poop or something.

After using the word “Babe” about 300 times in five minutes, Gretchen confesses she is actually having lunch with her arch nemesis, Tamra! Cue the suspenseful music! The two evil queens of Orange County will meet with each other in a blonde vs. blonde face-off, to once and for all, bury the hatchet!

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Finally. Part one of the Real Housewives of the Orange County reunion is upon us. I am almost embarrassed to admit how much I have been looking forward to this reunion. Not only does it signal the end of a (very long) season, but with these ladies (and I use that term loosely), there is sure to be some juicy drama. Right off the bat, there are two separate sofas, one for each clique. The legs are shinier and the fake hair is rampant, with each housewife looking more plastic than the next.

Host Andy Cohen starts things off with a tame round of questions. Am I the only one who doesn’t care how Alexis pronounces “Am Ex” or who doesn’t feel the need to watch her awkwardly define “couture” YET AGAIN? Vicki reveals that she and Brianna hate the word “vagina” and prefer to call them pink parts. Oh yes. That is much better. Get to the good stuff, please.

Andy plays a montage of Tamra and Eddie’s make-out moments, culminating with the infamous bathtub sex scene. Some of Tamra’s drama with Simon is highlighted, and she tells Andy that they are weeks away from having their divorce finalized. Alexis passive aggressively makes a dig about how well Tamra’s children will know Eddie once they see that scene. Not one to shy away from confrontation, Tamra admits that a court order keeps her children from watching Bravo, so “what are you getting at, Alexis?” Alexis tries to hold her own by saying that her four-year-old knows how to use a remote control so it’s possible for Tamra’s kids to see it without her knowledge. I half expected Peggy to jump in to say that her daughter learned how to work a remote control at age two. Still on the attack, Tamra reminds Alexis about how her kids fell into a pool while strapped into their stroller while mommy and daddy were taking shots. So, is she saying they are both up for Mother of the Year? And so it begins…

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Howdy y’all! The Southerner in me has only one thing to say about Sunday’s Real Housewives of Orange County: Good gracious and bless their hearts…Alexis is wasted, Gretchen is hilarious, and Tamra is…human? Don’t shoot the messenger! Vicki continues to struggle with her feelings for Donn, and Peggy unwittingly finds herself in competition with (who else?) Alexis.

This episode, “Cutting Loose,” starts with Alexis and sidekick assistant Dylan shopping for cowboy boots for her upcoming trip to visit Gretchen in San Antonio, Texas. The poor salesman can’t find a boot with a high enough (or sexy enough) heel for Alexis’ taste, but at least she has on a pair of ridiculously tiny Daisy Duke shorts to counteract the conservative boot. Alexis is looking forward to the brief getaway from Jim and the kids, but admits she’s not a cowgirl or a girls’ trip kind of girl.

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