RHOA Recap

Kim Fields reacts to rumors

Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta the drama in Jamaica was stirred up into a tidal wave. And floating out in the center of it, with the lightning crashing down all around her, laughing in the face of a sea storm set to destroy Cynthia Bailey‘s ‘mercial, was Kenya Moore. Or should I call her, Kenyursula The Sea Witch!

The group is headed somewhere in Jamaica to meet Peter’s long-estranged family, but after learning Cynthia doesn’t consider her a BFF, Kenya skips the outing. Instead she goes to the spa with Matt. While relaxing in a bubble bath Kenya rambles on and on about how Cynthia never appreciated her love and support. Matt is like uhhhhh… I thought this was supposed to be sexytimes not aquatherapy? 

Cynthia is also upset because some “super awesome person” went to Kenya to reveal the classified information about Kenya not being Cynthia’s BFF. How old are we again? BFF-bickering? It’s like giving each other those broken heart friendship necklaces in grade school. 

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Kenya looses it in Jamaica

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta was full of surprises! Shockingly Bob appeared as Sheree Whitfield‘s date, NeNe Leakes sauntered onto the island to soak up the adoration so all that remained was shade, but most exciting: Tootie got Kenya Moore‘s twirl all twisted up like a tornado. Then Kim Fields just strolled away. 

Kim may be way too normal for reality TV; she may not be cut-out for RHOA, but she’s certainly a smart, classy, and professionally successful lady whose reputation in the industry speaks for itself. Ms. Beauty Queen on Bathsalts Krayonce WISHES she had an IMDB page that featured something from this decade (other than Real Housewives Of Atlanta). Kim is correct – Kenya belongs at the kiddie table until she’s able to conduct herself like a grownup, not an 8-year-old forced into an educational trip to DC to meet with congresswomen.

Kim’s comments hit Krayonce right in her butt-hurt stallion booty. 

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Kim Fields' Beatless Brunch

Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta the ladies were supposed to remove their makeup to reveal the natural beauty underneath. Perhaps realizing they actually don’t have any of that quality stuff, everyone kept their false eyelashes firmly adhered and batted their eyes shadily. 

Kim Fields is starting to getting into the groove of the group, although they still scare the bejesus out of her with their non-mom lives of Louboutins, Louis, and liquored-up shade. Kim decides to put everyone on the an equal playing field, or maybe get to know them better as people, by hosting something she dubs a “Beatless Brunch.” Everybody knows the ladies of Atlanta rarely beat around the bush! 

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NeNe Leakes returns on RHOA

Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta, several of the ladies, led by Phaedra Parks, traveled to Washington DC to celebrate the anniversary of the Million Man March, while other ladies remained in Atlanta receiving million dollar guests.

Ayden helps Phaedra pack for the trip, which will involve meeting with several congress members, including Florida representative Frederica Wilson, whose organization inspired Phaedra’s newfound passion, Saving Our Sons.

Kim Fields, along with her two sons, Porsha Williams, her two thot-ful daughters Coco and Chanel, and Sheree Whitfield (plus the now adult Kairo!) will also be attending.

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Phaedra Parks

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta complicated relationships were confronted with some surprising results. Most upsetting was watching Kenya Moore be rejected by her mother Patricia. It was as unnerving as watching Carrie, you just knew was was gonna happen, you felt it – the impending cruelty and betrayal, but you kept hoping you were wrong. 

Kandi Burruss is baby shopping with Mama Joyce who suddenly loves everyone – even Todd! Even Phaedra Parks! Now Mama Joyce wants to be a “granny with a nanny” and put a nursery for Ace at her house, so she can be very involved. Mama Joyce is always up to something… I don’t trust that lady as far as I could throw her. Kandi seems dubious as well, but she knows better than to poke a tiger! 

Mama Joyce has decided Kandi and Phaedra need to fix their friendship, so she volunteers to pay Phaedra a little a visit. Kandi doesn’t think it’s a good idea and nervously laughs off the suggestion. 

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Porsha and Kandi argue over Phaedra on RHOA

Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta peaches stones were thrown and hands hidden. So what is the deal with Kandi Burruss and Phaedra Parks? They keep claiming they want to repair their friendship, yet their actions say otherwise! 

Over at Kandi Koated Kattiness Factory, Shamea Morton arrives with her Firkin tail between her legs after being caught by Don Juan gossiping at the video release party. Don Juan and Carmon stand watch while Shamea tries to explain what happened. Like no one was talking loud enough for so-called ‘bloggers’ to overhear their conversation until Don Juan inserted his extra fried crispy into the mess. 

Don Juan cannot accept this. Don Juan has his Diva Cup inserted deep, spouts off about Porsha Williams being so stupid she doesn’t know what gossip is. Oh, I think that may be one of the only things Porsha does know! 

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Kandi Unnecessary Trouble

Coming off my post-Christmas slump to deal with Real Housewives Of Atlanta makes me a bit cranky. Now I don’t know about y’all but I really don’t care if Phaedra Parks owes Todd Tucker money. I’d rather talk about Kandi Burruss rocking the h-e-double-hockeysticks out of over-the-knee sequined boots at 6 months pregnant. And I’d also like to discuss Kenya Moore‘s latest fake-a-date. 

Kenya and Marlo Hampton hit the gym because this is totally 2000 and that’s where you meet men. Or cows. But not poopers. They’re playing with balls when James walks over to flirt with Kenya. James checks some of Kenya’s boxes: Tall, handsome, fit – but he’s too young and is but a mere personal trainer. They have a totally awkward, phony flirtation that results in a date. I was distracted by James smiling with his lip over his teeth and was waiting for them to expose scary teeth. But they weren’t scary at all. 

Later Kenya and James meet to play basketball. Kenya wears a baby blue outfit to send subliminal hints that say, “Sperm donor.” Kenya isn’t sure if she wants a second date with James because he’s too young (and seriously this date was more awkward than one of those stupid male model photoshoots they always force upon America’s Next Top Model contestants), but she’d totally turkey baste him in an alley, y’all! 

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RHOA in Miami

Honestly I don’t know what to say about last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta. Sorry this is late by the way – I was re-playing the ‘Glen Gets Slammed Into The Wall’ scene on repeat until dawn. 

Somewhere Glen Rice Jr. turned to the very dark side. Either he’s a drunk, rude, out of control jerk; or he’s a rude, out of control jerk, but alcohol (+ Kenya Moore?) made things worse! 

I think we can ALL agree we’re not getting the whole story from Bravo. Based on the women’s reactions, Glen’s 0-60 psychosis, plus the 3 mobile refrigerator units that appeared out of nowhere to practice their sumo skills on Glen and living room wall, I’d say some serious SERIOUS information got lost on the editing floor. Right next to Porsha Williams‘ couth, dignity, and trophy wife status! (Did she REALLY admit to a golden shower on television last night? Really?!) 

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