Claudia Jordan has a new place. She wanted to live in a high-rise condo to hang onto her NYC roots and she apparently hit-up Kim Zolciak‘s yardsale to buy a collection of red Solo cups because she has no dishes or furniture to speak of. Claudia isn’t proud – she knows we’ve all spent many a’day sippin’ on Maddog 20/20 like this was 1993 and we’re in a Coolio video. Claudia invites Kenya Moore over to show off the new place, but then immediately puts her to work assembling iKea furniture while chugging wine out of said Solo cups. Kenya’s all like I didn’t wear my only pair of Louboutins for this. Then she wonders if Claudia has been buying her Louboutins from a Made In Hong Kong authentic discount site and painting the soles red herself. I mean, the only red bottoms that seem authentic in Claudia’s place are the cups!
Later Claudia and Kenya go to the gym under the pretense of Claudia getting her own stallion booty. Why doesn’t she just ask for the name of Kenya’s Mexican butt doctor? Claudia grew up with an Italian immigrant mother and a black father from NYC. Her dad left when they were kids and she doesn’t have much of a relationship with him.
Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta, a certain former beauty queen showed emotions other than shade and venom! Kenya Moore, tired of being blamed for an offense she did not commit, tired of being yanked into bitter marital drama, lost it. And dang if she didn’t give me just the teeniest twinge of sympathy pangs. Don’t worry – they’ll be short-lived!
I just want to get this out of the way first since we’re apparently gonna have to talk about this Kenya/Apollo Nida mess endlessly, my opinion is this: Apollo is a liar. End of story. Phaedra Parks and Kenya need to sit down, one-on-one, woman-to-woman and without shade.
Moving on, Kandi Burruss‘ business is a mess – she’s paying employees who are letting her down by not completing projects. This is what happens when you employ friends! Despite Mama Joyce calling Todd an “opportunist” – it seems like he’s the only person wanting Kandi’s business to grow and produce! He tells Kandi she needs to get her team – led by Don Juan – motivated to produce results. Kandi’s all like ohhhhnooooo… conflict. Ummm… errrrrr… lemme put on my most professional figure skating costume with the gold sparkly leotard and get these people in line because I sign their paychecks and Mama Joyce needs another new house!
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta featured a battle of the THOTS. Well, really it was more of a battle of THOT accusations coming from Porsha Williams! Porsha and Cynthia Bailey are angry at each other over the reunion; Cynthia felt Porsha’s physical aggression was out-of-line, but Porsha is annoyed that Cynthia has “flip-flopped” her opinion on the matter – sometimes saying she understood Porsha was provoked and other times saying it was completely unacceptable.
Really, Porsha and Cynthia are angry at each other because their ‘bosses’ NeNe Leakes and Kenya Moore don’t like each other so they pawns in a larger game for who will be crowned MISS RHOA! I wonder if The Bailey Agency will host the pageant… they so excel at them! More on that later, but first – Nights at The Apollo!
Everyone is still reeling from Apollo Nida‘s reveal that he “Krayonce’d” his relationship with Kenya, aka imagined she was there in LA, coming onto him in hotel rooms, and offering him fellatio. See this is Karma – Kenya was making up menz all over the world from Africa to Atlanta, and here is Apollo making up Kenyas!
Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta a little redemption was served piping hot and brewed strong. Apollo Nida came clean about lies he told about Kenya Moore trying to get with him. The most shocking thing is that everyone was shocked Apollo would lie in the first place; liars lie, and so do criminals.
Lord – these are trying times when I have to type the word “fellatio” over and over again, but so be it. Thank you Bravo.
Apollo decided he could take no more of living in deceit – his soul needed purging, the man must be redeemed. Apparently two steps outside a prison cell he had an epiphany – and he ain’t gonna do bad no more! OK, well not quite, but Apollo finally copped up to lying about Kenya.
Last night’s premiere episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta was alllll about Apollo Nida. And let’s just get one thing out of the way first: Apollo looks fiiiiiine with that full beard! (I know – there is something wrong with me. I admit that).
It’s sentencing day for Apollo but Phaedra Parks is nowhere to be found. She strapped on her beehive and fled to Augustus, GA with their sons, Ayden and Dylan. Phaedra tells her mother she doesn’t want her sons exposed to the situation and there are paparazzi outside their house. In reality Phaedra is pissed – whole ‘nother level pissed – and rightfully so!
Over at Phaedra’s house, the remodel is looking fabulous, and the paparazzi are… invisible! Only Apollo, that beard, making some eggs when his brother shows up. His brother?! Wha… never would have expected a goofy white kid to be the brother of Apollo. Apollo admits that what he did was wrong, but not that wrong – I mean it can be fixed! Apparently he has been sipping from the Teresa Giudice denial juice, comes in two sparkling flavors: Whaddyagonnado? and At The End Of The Day…
It’s hard to believe there was so much drama on season 6 of The Real Housewives Of Atlanta. It’s hard to imagine there will BE so much drama on this seventh season of Real Housewives Of Atlanta!
Of course, I cannot wait – I am literally already clutching my wine glass in anticipation. Squeeee! With that being said, let’s recap all the goods from season 6 so we’re reminded afresh of who hates who, what caused what friction. And of course, Mirror, Mirror on the wall – whose the shadiest of them all?!
Unfortunately Peter's portions of The Husbands Revealed paled in comparison to Apollo "Loose Lips" Nida's marital revelations! The sit-down with the hubbies echoed that unfortunate scene in Mexico where they all sit around smoking cigars and taking shots – except this timeKenya Moore didn't crash. However, she was a hot topic of conversation!
Apollo arrives at the Bar One gathering in sunglasses. "I wear my sunglasses at night…" and the reason – his wife Phaedra Parks SLAPPED HIM. Then she embalmed his face and stuck in a stake in the front yard American Horror Story style! Oh wait, whoops – this is only Bravo. So boring!
Is it true? Has the day really come? Can I finally stop talking about the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion? I mean, how many hours of this three-ring circus have we been subjected to? What was last night hour 475? I chugged a 5 Hour Energy drink vodka soda and settled in for two hours of she-said/she-said-you're dumb-annnnd now here comes the husbands! Oh and the husbands, they sure showed up. Or at least Apollo Nida did. He was gunning for Kenya Moore's title as Queen of the Krazies!
Of all the things that happened last night it was the deafening silence of Kenya in the wake of Phaedra Parks' atomic bomb of verbal destruction. At some point, Kenya, realizing she had not a friend in the eaves, gave up. She just resorted to the silent game, but it was because she was trying not to cry.
Kenya can match any of these broads with her outlandishness, wild accusations, and sheer commitment to getting the job done. NeNe Leakes is easy – she's all loud buffoonery and nebulous threats. Kandi Burruss is just gonna say her bit – loudly – and then get teary eyed, but nobody hates Kandi enough to truly come for her. Cynthia Bailey perpetually wears an expression that says, 'Please don't kick me – I'm already down!" there's no satisfaction in gunning for her. And Porsha Stewart, well, she just gets louder and wilder and self-destructs on a comical level. But Phaedra… Phaedra does not shake.