Was anyone else totally confused by this episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta? I don’t know what was more disturbing: the majorly disjointed story or Claudia Jordan‘s feet. I need some clarity on motives here – and also on shade, which I thought was genteel and left one guessing, not obviously wrong like a bunion crusted-foot.
The clips set-up this episode to be a big show-down in Puerto Rico between the establishment and the upstarts (not unlike an episode of Downton Abbey, although I dare say Lady Mary’s reads are far superior to anyone on RHOA). And yes, that did happen, but I felt like we’re missing some serious backstory. Was there a reason Phaedra Parks is suddenly gunning for Demetria McKinney like Evander Holyfield? Is Phaedra in love with Roger Bobb too? Speaking which, I beginning to believe Roger the Friendly Ghost comes from Claudia’s mysterious sugar daddy connect – or Kenya Moore‘s over-active iMANgination!
Puerto Rico is apparently the place to go if you’re a Real Housewife with a vendetta who is looking to start a fight. Tonight the ladies of Real Housewives Of Atlanta take their first of the cast trips as the venture to Puerto Rico. Before all that Claudia Jordan gives us background on her relationship with NeNe Leakes – which will be the basis of their verbal discourse.
Claudia reveals that NeNe is simply judging her based on assumptions and gives backgrounds for how they met in the first place (hint: it was twitter. And Charles Grant). It turns out that despite NeNe saying she merely knew Claudia, they were actually friends who socialized together so imagine Claudia’s surprise to be completely ignored by NeNe at Kandi’s party.
Kandi insists she had no idea that her friend Gocha was coming until last-minute and had no idea Demetria was supposedly dating Roger Bobb at the same Gocha was!
First Kandi updates fans on what’s been happening in her life. “The end of my year really sucked to be honest, and I didn’t feel up to blogging. Every time an episode aired someone in my family was upset about something. It’s crazy doing this show, because whenever a disagreement happens although you get past it, you end up having tension all over again when it airs on TV.”
Ladies and gentlemen, put on take off your sunglasses and step into the shade. However, I must warn you, this is a scepter and weave-free zone! In case any of y’all were worried that hell was in the process of freezing over or that pigs may begin to sprout wings, Porsha Williams wants to assure you that the Kenya Moore hug on this past episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was nothing short of fake…like Kenya’s hair according to Brandi Glanville (although I am pretty convinced from Krayonce’s latest appearance on WWHL that while she may be crazy, she is #blessed with a beautiful and natural head of hair. Don’t be hatin’, ladies!).
After that more than tumultuous reunion, Kenya and Porsha have finally hugged it out–at Kenya’s prompting, no less!–in an attempt to put the past in the past. But did we viewers really buy it? Nope. And Porsha wants to make sure we all know not to buy what Twirl is selling!
Claudia Jordan just moved to Atlanta and was robbed! Don’t worry – it wasn’t her apartment (because she didn’t have anything to take as you recall, she’s was serving wine in Solo Cups and sitting on the floor atop a Target rug).
The Real Housewives Of Atlanta star shared on instagram that her car was broken into and featured a photo of the smashed in windows. Claudia’s laptop was taken – hopefully there wasn’t anything too naughty on there! (steamy photos with Atlanta’s favorite sometimes bachelorRoger Bobb?!) – and she is offering a cash reward for whomever returns it.
Demetria McKinney‘s story has changed… On Real Housewives of Atlanta, she admitted to Cynthia Bailey that she and Roger Bobb were “on” the same period of time Gocha said she dated Roger Bobb. “I’m almost positive she’s lying,” said Demetria. “I don’t know her, but I know him.” Now, it happened, but while they were “off.”
“I went to Kandi’s sexy party in an effort to get to know these ladies a bit better, relax, and enjoy a Kandi Koated Night,” said Demetria. “And two-year-old tea gets spilled by random girl #673 hoping for a cameo?! I actually feel bad for her. You need that light so badly that you’d openly confess that your shining moment came from being on your back?! Girl! Never again admit to being a sock (Definition: Something to keep his stuff warm during the cold moment of a break up). I have made it known that Roger and I have been in – and out – of our relationship over the span of eight years. Blue’s Clues happened when we were not together.”
Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta things were shocking, in the invisible fence way. Invisible fences are harder to climb over, as the ladies found out.
Cynthia Bailey had a dream and that dream is rapidly becoming a nightmare. Because Cynthia is going into business with Peter to open the new Bar One!
Misguidedly, Cynthia is honored that Payday Loan Peter, chose her checking account and she will no longer be a silent fibroid, but a living, breathing bank account. The delusion: it runs deep – certainly deeper than the zeros in ol’ CB’s savings account. Who does Peter think he is married to – NeNeLeakes?!
Cynthia has a dream and that dream is that people do not believe rumors about how she finances all his foolish shenanigans and he married her for a TV show, free vodka, and VIP strip club access.
It’s sober month for Andy – only water in the clubhouse for him in January.
Andy reads the quote from tonight’s Celebrity Apprentice when Geraldo Rivera said “Imagine being married to Kenya! You’d be sleeping with your eyes open.” Kenya says “well, he’s had what, five wives?” And Kenya addresses giving Keisha a hard time about not calling Bill Cosby for a donation, she explains that the show was shot almost a year ago – long before the controversy with Bill bubbled over.
Andy then shares that he was cut from tonight’s Celebrity Apprentice segment at the pie shop, and he’s glad because he only brought $1,000 with him and everyone else was bringing huge money. I’m also fairly certain I read that Andy shared in his book that the pies tasted terrible…