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RHOBH Recap


On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills things got wild Moroccan style at Pandora’s insane, incredible, fantastic engagement party. Can Mohammed be my godfather? Kim debuted her new man who is also a Ken! And Taylor and Russell got a little threatastic with the tabloids. Oh, and Taylor started planning another Birthday Party for Kennedy!

Lisa is driving through her hood amidst the palm trees, Bentleys, designer logos, and mega-mansions casually calling all her friends to remind them that the party of the year will be happening on Tuesday so they better show up. Sadly, everyone is screening her calls. No interest in the British accent today, co-stars? Finally Kyle answers and is wondering what on earth to wear?! Something fun and something ball gown. Lisa fills Kyle in on her little cooking lesson with Adrienne. They are both surprised Adrienne didn’t rub some hand lotion on the poor chicken!

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Last night on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills everybody got pampered and relaxed and got along swimmingly. Oh, wait – wrong show! The ladies continued their trip back in time to Beverly Hills High with Kyle playing the real-life all grown up Brenda Walsh, and Kim as her sidekick, and poor Brandi the victim of all their immaturity. I give Brandi credit – she stood her ground while retaining her dignity and did not bend to the almighty queens of bitchery.

Things start off with a little cooking lesson. Lisa has decided she can bear no more of Adrienne’s inadequacies in the kitchen and simply must teach her to roast a chicken. After everyone puts on their surgical gloves, they begin washing the chicken with dish soap – for anti-bacterial purposes. Then they stuff things up his bum after removing his guts. I guess Lisa was practicing for her treatment of Brandi later on! Adrienne is absolutely hopeless in the kitchen – hence the reason she has a chef – can’t find the salt and pepper or any of her three fridges, and just isn’t having fun. Was anyone else surprised they were stuffing a chicken’s butt with all their jewelry on?

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the ladies just couldn’t seem to get along and Brandi was again an outsider with only Adrienne and Taylor willing to be her friend – but only when no one else was looking! It kinda reminded me of Heathers! Watch your drink, Kyle!

Game night continues to rage on at Dana’s. Brandi tries to call a “Time-Out” but the Richards are in full attack mode, Winston Churchill be damned; they subscribe to Napoleonic tactics! Kyle is still upset Brandi let her son pee on Adrienne’s grass – ok, it’s tacky, but c’mon! Brandi is furious that Kyle is talking about her kids, but Kyle is actually talking about Brandi’s bad mothering!

Camille admits Kyle can be a B-I-T-C-H. Sick of the Richards’ superior attitude, a sniffling Brandi snaps that everyone else is trailer park and they’re Queens of England. Um…no, Kim redirects, only Brandi is trailer park! And Kyle’s not wearing a tiara! Duh! Well, I kinda think Kyle wears one at home when no one is looking, don’t you?

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the ladies went back in time to West Beverly High to relive their high school days of catty drama, cliques, and mean girls. Oh, I love a good time warp! The only thing missing was some killer acid wash jeans and a pouf bang!

Lisa and Ken are preparing for a dinner party to celebrate the return of Pandora and Jason from NYC. Lisa is cooking dinner (yes, it appeared that she was actually preparing food sans chef) whilst Ken assisted with the wine tasting. Lisa’s son Max got on the phone with his girlfriend and dropped an “I love you” leaving Lisa in a tailspin. While she is all but marching Pandora down the aisle, she isn’t sure about some other girl stepping on her toes where Max is concerned!

From domestic divas to people who don’t know what their microwave looks like, Taylor is making cookies from a box and needs Dana’s help. Both ladies don aprons and then poke at a bowl of unconvincing looking batter while lamenting about Adrienne’s BBQ where the notorious c-o-c-k incident occurred! Taylor mentions the upcoming “Game Night” she was supposed to host at her house but asks if Dana can take over since she has too many … issues going on. Event planner Dana is fine with hosting the big event, but will be outsourcing the planning cause she’s too busy. Keep in mind, Dana’s career is Event Planning and she supposedly has put on events like the Grammy’s.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, we met newbie Dana Wilkey who is very … well, ok she is tacky. Adrienne threw a Bar-B-Que for the ladies which also ended up being tacky thanks to Brandi – who is still having issues with Kyle. Lisa provided CNN with coverage of The Royal Wedding and Kim added to the speculation that she may have some substance abuse issues.

Kyle and Taylor are headed to Dana’s house for lunch. Dana and Taylor met while a nine-months pregnant Dana was driving a Lamborghini. Dana answers the door wearing a tiara. And a hooker pagent dress. Seriously, she looked like a busted up Miss America, with fake boobs up to her eyebrows. As Dolly Parton said: “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap!” Taylor describes Dana as liking things over the top. She seems nice, but desperate. And she gives me a grifter vibe. Maybe it’s her friendship with Taylorexic?

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On last night’s episode of the Taylor, Taylor, Taylor show Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Taylor has a drunken meltdown rivaling that of the infamous KKB, leaving everyone running for the private jets to get them out of Crazy Creek, thus ruining another one of Camille’s notorious dinner parties! Adrienne and Paul had their first real seaming fight, and Kim was perhaps three or four sheets to the wind…

Things start off with a tipsy Taylor still crying in the hot tub with Kyle, clutching her wine and sobbing her crocodile tears while Kyle lapped them all up. Camille, who can’t be bothered with anyone else’s issues, goes to lie down. Can I have Camille’s life where hosting a dinner party consists of relaxing in my room while a full staff does all the work. As Kyle is managing Taylor’s emotional state, the smarter, less disillusioned housewives are taking a nap. Kim is in a peaceful slumber, when a (naked) wasted Taylor jumps on her in her underwear and wakes her up to cry some more about how their lives are a mess and filled with problems, unlike Adrienne’s life, which is perfect. Well, except for her hair situation.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the ladies hit the slopes in Colorado. Lisa and Taylor continue their passive aggressive feud to dominate Kyle’s friendship by trying to out-mean girl each other. And Kyle and Kim try to make some headway in their badly tarnished relationship.

CLICK HERE TO SEE SHOCKING PHOTOS OF TAYLOR ARMSTRONG’S PHYSICAL ABUSE

Kyle is moving to a new 7,000 square foot house and she feels this is meant to be her house – in fact she stalked it because she feels connected to its energy. Too bad the house couldn’t get a restraining order! Kyle shows Portia a beautifully framed portrait of Kyle and Mauricio on their wedding day and despite a recent blind item hinting that they may not be so in love, I hope that’s not the case! Kyle’s bestie and decorator, Faye Resnick (looking as be-nipped and tucked as ever) shows up to help the Umansky’s move and make some decisions about where Mauricio’s pool table can go – only in the garage since furniture is more important than man cavedom. Faye discovers amongst Kyle’s possessions an enormous self-portrait. Here’s hoping she’s not arrogant enough to hang that up on the walls! Yikes!

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