It was the first Real Housewives of Beverly Hills vacation last night and true to form it was like a game of Clue with whodunit and why, with what, where and WTF?
Last night's metaphorical Housewives slayer was none other than Brandi Glanville who could hold neither her alcohol or her tongue. Although she did start out by telling us all the things she likes to do with her tongue or have a tongue to do her when she conducted a little market research for her new book. Yep, sex, wine, and Brandi again… *yawn*
Over at Joyce Giraud's house she's preparing for Palm Springs with a fashion show. Joyce's closet is beautiful. And it houses the entire GoldenGirls wardrobe department archives, including several pair of reproduction hibiscus print culottes.
While they hung out by the pool in Palm Springs, Joyce revealed that she can't swim, which prompted Brandi to fire off with "you're a black person". Brandi then tried to jokingly explain that her black friends would've laughed at that because they, too, won't get in the water, fearing getting their weaves wet. Brandi's castmates were shocked by her generalizations and fans reacted, calling her a racist.
Andy Cohen said to Brandi, "As you can imagine I got a buttload of Tweets for you, wanting to know what you were thinking. Kenya Moore, Atlanta Housewife Tweeted 'not all black women wear hair weaves, half the women on Beverly Hills Housewives are wearing some fake hair. Brandi could not be more ignorant.' "
Kyle Richards is going to be dining out on this cheating story a long time! But she will certainly not be dining out at SUR or Villa Blanca.
In this episode Kyle and husband Mauricio Umansky once again dismissed the rumors as ridiculous, but meanwhile across town, Kyle's former friend Lisa Vanderpump wasn't 100% certain Kyle's hubby – or any one else's – didn't cheat!
"After last week, I really was at a loss as to how I could move forward with Lisa and Brandi [Glanville]. Then after seeing this week's episode it makes it even more difficult," Kyle begins. "Lisa brings up the tabloids once again and so clearly wants to cast doubt on my marriage and Mauricio's integrity while pretending to be supportive. You aren't being supportive if you're saying 'Well, I don't know for sure' and putting that out there."
"I am very appreciative of Kenspeaking up to Lisa and saying he knows it's not true because he knows Mauricio and considers him a friend," Kyle adds.
If ever there was a reality star that probably should have her own wine it's longtime bar and restaurant owner Lisa Vanderpump!
There were whispers some time ago that the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star was working on a Villa Blanca rosé, which never appeared on the market. However last week Lisa was in Miami for The Pride White Party and she was also promoting something surprising: a sangria!
Huh? Where did that come from?! Lisa and daughter Pandora Todd promoted LVP Sangria at the party which as of course pretty in pink and probably tastes delicious. According to the website it's coming soon.
Monday's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills had the Richards sisters celebrating graduation, Yolanda Foster celebrating her husband's star on the Walk of Fame, and, what was that again? Yes, yes. Brandi making out with Carlton. While she mentions all of it in her Bravo blog, I've just chosen to highlight her new infatuation with Splits and her sibling sidekick. Brandi feels sorry for Kyle, y'all. Join me, won't you, as we return to bitch mountain…
Ahhh… Real Housewives of Bevelry Hills: where totally untrue in every way cheating rumors never die. Oh! And famous people get to block traffic and redecorate the sidewalk just for being famous.
Over at Kyle Richards' Faye Resnick-fied castle of tchotchke, she's upset because she has to clean up alllllll the dog poop like every day, despite a plethora of brightly colored postage notes decorating the cabinetry advising people otherwise. Poor Kyle – nobody listens to her! Nobody cares! Nobody cares what Kyle wants!
And what does Kyle want? Attention and caftans. Preferably together. Since Kyle presumably has nothing else to talk about but cheating rumors that are totally NOT TRUE and that she totally wants to DISAPPEAR, she and Mauricio sit down to discuss said cheating rumors and how untrue and absolutely ludicrous they are.
Joyce chatted with Steppin' Out magazine's Dan Lorenzo in their latest issue, due out December 18th. Joyce covered everything from who she'd stay in contact with if the show were canceled and explained why she finally caved and worked with her producer hubby.