Tamicki love each other – they really love each other! Included in this pile of re-love was Shannon Beador. Who may never really forgive David Vicki, but she’ll never get over him her either.
It was the perfect way to end things. And hopefully they’ll truly move on. After all, just how many seasons can we stretch out the indomitable Brooks Ayers drama (it’s going on 5 seasons now!)? We get it – he’s scum, and Vicki was an innocent virginal angel duped because of her saintly loving heart.
The first part of the Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion was shockingly real as the ladies discussed broken marriages and motherhood. Shannon Beador finally stopped shrieking “WOOOOWWWWW! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! A VOW RENEWAL!” and quit convincing herself that David loves her. Which has always been the real joke. I mean, it’s been over for years – vow renewal and all – but Shannon finally accepted it and moved out. Addendum: David finally kicked her out.
I mean it’s not like anyone believed this happy re-united love story of David and Shannon, although she certainly thought they were this inspiration to us all, but it’s still sad to see Shannon processing everything. Clearly she never saw it coming, which is the saddest thing of all.
The other hot topic was whether Jesus ate Lydia McLaughlin‘s brain, thus making her poisoned by a fear of drag queens. OK, it wasn’t quite that dramatic unless you’re Meghan Edmonds.
Peggy Sulahian is just kind of just the worst, isn’t she? Maybe she’s a nice person, and she seemed OK at her Armenian anniversary party, but as soon as you take the Diko away from Peggy she turns into a judgmental, overbearing, clueless buzzkill intent to smother the fun out of any party with her nonsensical ramblings. Even a Viking send-off. I don’t want to be mean, but perhaps Bravo needs to issue ‘Funness’ qualifying exams.
There were men in fair isle sweaters serenading the ladies, then fighting over the amorphous blondes (Shannon Beador is convinced it’s her because Vikings “like a girl with a lil meat on her bones,” but would Shannon really touch whale blubber? I feel like it’s not very holistic…). But anyway, there were men doing all this for all of them, and in the middle of it all Tamra Judge and Vicki Gunvalson were hugging and kissing like it was 2010, and Vicki even apologized to Shannon – more on that in a bit – then in walked Peggy, wearing a blood red caftan, and out for blood! She ruined the whole thing. Again.
Poor Vicki her love tank’s connected to her heart valve, her heart valve’s connected to that part of her brain that says ‘PAY ATTENTION TO ME! ME! ME! ME!” So she was vomiting and having heart palpitations while Peggy Sulahian and Kelly Dodd fought over who was better at caring for Vicki’s sputtering love tank.
You can take the Real Housewives Of Orange County out of the OC, but you can’t take the OC out of the girls, right? Lydia McLaughlin tried when she hauled them all the way to Iceland on the other end of the earth but wound up arguing over the same trivial details anyway.
For all her complaining that she’s left out of the fun (what fun? I ask you) Lydia did put together a helluva a trip for these women. I guess she was trying to suck up and make them like her or something. They arrive in the land of eternal daylight of the shit-talking mind, and Tamra Judge worries that exposure to all this sun will add to her wrinkle collection. Like she might soon start looking (and acting!?) her age. Of course, they have plastic surgery for this, but still – the real Tamra is not her best side.
On the bus from the airport Kelly Dodd is the only person who gives a flying figaloon that they are in this beautiful country. As she quizzes the driver about local customs from the no puke zone at the front of the bus, the other women roll their eyes.
Last night on Real Housewives Of Orange County the little detective that can’t stop, Meghan Edmonds, decided it would be a great idea to host a party with a mystic named Michaela. You don’t need psychic powers to predict that this would go badly! Then to make matters worse they all left for Iceland – cause traveling to the ends of the earth with your enemies always turns out so swell!
What was Meghan hoping to find? Proof that Vicki Gunvalson never loved Tamra at all? Or perhaps a reading on Peggy Sulahian‘s cancer scans? Or maybe what’s really inside Tamra Judge‘s six-pack core? All she found was a big old mess of Shannon Beador shrieking about David being the most trustworthy man alive while the Mystic watched open-mouthed.
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County we saw a different side of Peggy Sulahian. A fun, light-hearted, yet conniving side! I think we were supposed to really care that Diko upset Shannon Beador in a game of karmatic husbands, but eh, I mostly care about Peggy’s recipes. But first, always but first, other stuff happened. And and that other stuff was another session of Will Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Judge ever be put back together again? (My magic hate ball says: NOOOOOOOOOO, NEVER, EVER, EVER – JUST F–KING STOP!).
Ugh Vicki and Tamra. Again. I feel like I’m contractually obligated to write about how they met for coffee at a subliminally named place called Patch, even though we know they won’t patch anything up.