Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Miami was all about mama drama. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team and go to an evil haunted mansion filled with the ghosts of friendship's (kitchen's) past. Or a Russian grocery store with the living embodiment of Julia Child's voice.
Things began last night with Lisa Hochstein's everlasting nightmare; an unpleasant reminder of the things we do for money… errrrr… I mean love. And boobs! Lisa's inlaws are in town and her mother-in-law, Marina, lives to torture her.
Marina doesn't appreciate Fembot's fully constructed fabulosity. If only she had read that instruction manual Lenny faxed over, but Marina doesn't do new-fangled. She also doesn't understand what exactly Fembot does. I mean she doesn't work and she just swans around advertising her son's reconstruction prowess. Was anyone else aware that Lenny was the best plastic surgeon in the world?!
Anyway, Lisa's other major drawback is that she doesn't cook and she's not Russian. Score 0 for the daughter-in-law from Canada! Among the many ways Marina tries to destroy Fembot is by force feeding her fried fish. The horror had Lisa needing Xanax and colonics for weeks. Fembot wonders if Marina will ever like her, but you can tell she really doesn't care! Nor does Marina for that matter, who still believes she runs the show. All shows. Maybe she should take over Bravo.
Melissa Gorga, Jacqueline Laurita, and Marysol Patton turned up last night at the Us magazine "Most Stylish New Yorkers" party. Yes, really. Contain your laughter. Maybe the reality stars and Bravolebrities were just there to support the real guests of honor. You know, the people who actually live in New York and, um, have style.
Also in attendance: Andy Cohen, Kevin Jonas and pregnant wife Danielle, among others. Take a peek at the pictures and let us know who was showing some "style" at the event.
Last night Lea hosted her annual The Black Gala and while things were a little more lackluster than usual in the auction department the drama surrounding the grand affair more than compensated. That and the diamonds of course! While the so-called "Cubans" are anything but Lea's besties, diamonds will always and forever be a Housewife's best friends, borrowed or no!
So Lea is hosting her big event, but most of the girls are playing hookie to go to something called Gay Polo. Gay Polo is polo, but there's tigers (and cougars) and leprechauns. Adriana de Moura and Marysol Patton were making a big, ginormous deal out of it like it was some spectacular extravaganza and Prince Harry was going to come out wearing nothing but a loin cloth and some body paint reading Kiss Me, I'm Gay. He's not gay, obviously, but he is hot and exciting. And he plays polo!
In this week's episode Lisa Hochstein found herself in the middle of drama galore with Adriana de Moura and Lea Black. In order to try and sway her loyalty Adriana asked Lisa to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Meanwhile poor Lisa is also confused about why all of the sudden Lea is the Devil of Miami instead of the Mayor of Miami!
1) They do not know the definition of the word "hypocrite" (I think this is a trait that expands across all Housewives domains).
2) They don't understand "good manners" (Minding your Ps & Qs is not a Housewives forte).
3) They are baaaad actresses!
With that being said, let's dive into this nonsense and rip apart the episode. It all begins with Joanna Krupa dry humping Romain Zago in front of their braaaand neeeeew rented swimming pool!
Romain is on a mission to surprise Joanna left and right on Bravo's dime for a storyline. I mean Joanna needs to serve some purpose on this show besides looking amazing and hating Adriana de Moura, right?! First Romain surprised her with a car and now a new house he rented for them to live in as husband and wife.
Well, another Real Housewives friendship bit the dust! Last night on Real Housewives of Miami two long-time friends fell apart over one massive lie and a whole buncha excuses.
Adriana de Moura and Lea Black are continuing their argument from last week. Attempting a Breakfast At Tiffany's drama queen moment Adriana goes to stand out in the rain while she desperately calls a taxi. Did she pawn her car to pay for Chanel? I mean the Bank of Lea is now officially closed…
Lea comes out to woo Adriana back inside where they continue bickering about how Ana attacked Lea at least season's reunion and how Lea decided to be friends with Joanna Krupa even though she's Adriana's mortal enemy. Adriana doesn't believe Lea should have any sort of relationship with "Ho-anna". And then Lea hits Adriana where it really hurts: "Why are you so jealous of Joanna?"