A whole lot of reality TV fans still care about the Kardashians – 2.856 million this week – despite the cries that say otherwise. I've honestly never seen an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians, but a quick Google search tells me that Sunday's episode featured a pouty Kendall who wants her own beach house and a pissed off Kris who deniesBruce a putting green.
I'd rather shoot myself in the foot. Moving on…
The wee bump up that Real Housewives of New Jerseyreceived last week, possibly due to Joe and Teresa Giudice's federal indictment, disappeared faster than Poison's spray-on hair. This week, 2.410 million viewers came back to see the end of Teresa and Jacqueline's little tawk, which is a 6.37% decline in viewership. Is it time for Bravo to recast this hot mess?
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In it, Jacqueline reminds herself for three pages that her goal with Teresa was to be civil, not to mend their friendship. We got. Actually, we got it the first time you wrote it! Likewise, she explains for several paragraphs pages why she felt the need to get the tummy tuck. I'll spare you the detailed description of her pre-surgery lingerie routine. You're welcome.
Of course, I am just giving Jacq a hard time, but I tried to only hit the highlights for you. I feel like Ross on that episode of Friends…"Yes, you went on for eighteen pages…FRONT AND BACK!"
Interesting, because Bravo has been promoting Christopher and Albie's latest project (Little Big Town) pretty heavily on RHONJ. Caroline has also pretty much moved out of Franklin Lakes and relocated to Hoboken near her boys. Caroline's storyline this season has been recapturing the love with Al whose unfaithfulness has been hinted at several times. I imagine the true subject of the spinoff would be starting over with the boys building a new family business and Caroline staying in the role of the matriarch.
Yesterday night Melissa Gorga was on WWHL. There she was cross-examined about the myriad of rumors that are her life. They don't call it six degrees of Melissa Gorga for nothing!
Among the allegations Melissa has been hit with on this season of Real Housewives of New Jersey was a cheating scandal concerning her ex-boyfriend Bryan. A few episodes back Melissa's former BFFL Jan met up with Kim D where she dropped a salacious bomb about what Melissa was doing early in her marriage to Poison. Here's a hint: she wasn't doing Poison!
Melissa denied it of course, and blamed Teresa Giudice for spreading rumors. Last night she denied it again and accused Jan of being after camera time. Aren't they all!
Our source chimed in to allege that Melissa is telling tall tales and Teresa is definitely not out to get her!
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Last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was about reinventing the old and making it new again. Make new frienemies, but keep the old… one is faux marble and the other is faux leopard!
Teresa Giudice and Jacqueline Laurita made up and by that I mean they vowed not to appear at anymore reunions wearing dresses where the sequins turned into poison darts and and scream cheating accusations at each other's husbands. So by making amends they decided to keep each other's secrets…
Oh and Jacqueline shed her old stripper skin in favor of some new skin that didn't have washed up tacky tattoos on it. When did getting plastic surgery become a requisite Housewives storyline?
Things begin with Teresa and Jacqueline continuing with their "tawk". Jacqueline is clearly flustered because she forgot her translucent powder and her blotting papers. Girl was shiny as a gold lame and her hair was all mussed. Maybe she and Teresa had some sort of knock-down, drag-out, rolling on the table brawl and the footage was accidentally damaged when some Fabellini got tossed on it and that's why we didn't see it? That would explain Jacq's shininess…
With the Gorgadice families on the mend, the Gorgas and the Giudices strive to spend quality time together by taking a bus trip. HA! Unfortunately little pitchers have big ears and even less filters!
In other news, Teresa and Jacqueline Laurita continue to struggle with their relationship as Teresa confronts Jacqueline. Teresa also hosts a charity event. And finally, some of Jacqueline's decisions raise some eyebrows with Chris!
Teresa Giudice is in a hailstorm of trouble. If she thought strippergate was something to get worked up over, she hasn't seen anything like going to trial against the federal government. No amount of body glitter can save a girl now! #OrangeIsTheNewLeopard.
While I fully intend Kim D, Teresa's eternally supportive BIFFL, to make her some Posche-appropriate prison garb and stage a Big House fashion show, Teresa is still hedging bets that she'll avoid jail time.
Right now Teresa and Joe Giudice are developing a legal strategy that seems to focus on Juicy serving jail time while the Real Housewives of New Jersey star plays the innocent, doting wife who was a victim of his schemes.