Well last night was another riveting episode of Teresa Giudice's Countdown To Indictment. That's how I've decided to refer to Real Housewives of New Jersey from now on. In light of all the real-real life drama no one cares about this totally and utterly ridiculously shallow family feud which all stemmed from some people's obsessive desire to be famous. "Famous", s'cuse me; quotes are totally necessary.
So anyway, indictment watch! Woo! Other than that Melissa Gorga is on the scene and she and new jazzy hair-do are showing up Teresa and her um… well, I dunno what you want to call the side-mullet, Star Trek voyager helmet she has plastered onto her head to visit Melissa with what totally looked like STORE BOUGHT cupcakes. I bet they were Shop-Rite and underneath the cupcake wrapper Teresa left a little note that read "payback, bitch!"
Anyway, Teresa is visiting Melissa so they can sit down and offer each other fake support for their various ventures. Teresa's business is Milania Hair Care and Melissa all like 'Ooooohhh… wow. So special. Let's talk your hair. You need a hairspray intervention. It looks like a cheap Ken Doll's shellacked plastic. Wait – is that the point of Milania Hair Care that Milania is actually doing the hair?'
Yeppers, that happened – Teresa Giudice is likely pulling her own Orange Is the New Black (please watch that!) and headed to the federal penitentiary. One wonders what her boss thinks of the latest… When asked about Teresa's predicament, Andy Cohen claimed he was as in the dark as the rest us plebeians!
“I don’t have any more information than anyone at home does,” he revealed in an @askandy webseries. “So I don’t really have a take except that I’m thinking of them and the kids. I certainly hope it resolves itself in a happy way.”
We know y'all have been dying to discuss the latest and greatest Teresa Giudice exploit, so here it is. Eat your hearts out.
Teresa, whose defense strategy is 'Juicy did it! Y'all know I'm illiterate so I just signed where he told me to sign!', is attempting to walk away from her 39-count federal fraud indictment without doing any jail. You know, stranger things have happened… maybe.
Earlier this week the Giudices entered Not Guilty pleas at their arraignment and the Real Housewives of New Jersey stars had a trial date set. However, according to sources before going before the judge, Teresa and Joe's defense teams attempted to reach a plea agreement with prosecutors and were rejected!
“Teresa wanted a plea deal that keeps her out of jail so she offered to do anything else BUT jail time and have Joe serve all of the time in jail. The prosecutor dismissed the deal outright," a source tells RadarOnline.
Just hours after her appearance in federal court this afternoon she headed over to Kim DePaola's Posche Boutique to sign books and chat with fans. Our man on the scene Tom Murro sent over a picture of a small sampling of the fans waiting for a minute of face to face time with Teresa. Tom says the line was wrapped around the building and police officers were stationed around the outside of the shop.
Joe and Teresa Giudice were back in court today to enter their official not guilty pleas.
The court hearing was short and the Giudices didn't utter a word. They once again didn't address the media as they made their way inside, surrounded by bodyguards. The courthouse also put up metal barricades to keep the media clear from the couple's path.
The Giudices have been charged with 39 counts of fraud, which include making false statements on loan applications, conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud, bank fraud, as well as bankruptcy fraud.
Updated: Their trial date is set for October 8th at 9am. Juicy's OTHER trial is October 28th.
Melissa Gorga is helping Teresa Giudice's kids stay occupied today as their parents are due back in federal court this afternoon. (We'll keep you posted after their hearing).
Melissa took Milania and Gabriella along to see the Broadway show "Annie" today – in celebration of Antonia's eighth birthday. Melissa Tweeted, "All ready to see Annie on Broadway! Happy Birthday @antoniagorga!!!"
Over the weekend Melissa and Joe were sharing photos from the Jersey Shore, where they were celebrating her big day with family at the beach and on boat rides.
A whole lot of reality TV fans still care about the Kardashians – 2.856 million this week – despite the cries that say otherwise. I've honestly never seen an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians, but a quick Google search tells me that Sunday's episode featured a pouty Kendall who wants her own beach house and a pissed off Kris who deniesBruce a putting green.
I'd rather shoot myself in the foot. Moving on…
The wee bump up that Real Housewives of New Jerseyreceived last week, possibly due to Joe and Teresa Giudice's federal indictment, disappeared faster than Poison's spray-on hair. This week, 2.410 million viewers came back to see the end of Teresa and Jacqueline's little tawk, which is a 6.37% decline in viewership. Is it time for Bravo to recast this hot mess?
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR MORE – AND THE BREAKDOWN!
In it, Jacqueline reminds herself for three pages that her goal with Teresa was to be civil, not to mend their friendship. We got. Actually, we got it the first time you wrote it! Likewise, she explains for several paragraphs pages why she felt the need to get the tummy tuck. I'll spare you the detailed description of her pre-surgery lingerie routine. You're welcome.
Of course, I am just giving Jacq a hard time, but I tried to only hit the highlights for you. I feel like Ross on that episode of Friends…"Yes, you went on for eighteen pages…FRONT AND BACK!"