RHONY Recap

Jules

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of New York left a big question mark over my head. Am I stupid is as stupid does? Because why exactly is Bethenny Frankel so angry at Jules Wainstein? Actually, angry isn’t the world, “spooked” is. And what exactly did Bravo NOT show us that is so pertinent to what caused this explosion? Color me three shades of ‘Bethenny lost 10% of her blood’ pale. 

So how ’bout that Luann de Lesseps, huh? Come hell or high water (actually come hell or sleeping with half her friends) Tom is her man. Devotion, the Upper East Side way. After Sonja Morgan regaled everyone with her admission of schtupping Tom, and Luann denounced them all as “bitches” (which if the shoe fits…), she storms out. On her way out the door she’s accosted by Jules and Dorinda Medley. 

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Ramona & Luann

On last night’s Real Housewives Of New York, the woes of thy vagina continued. Also Luann de Lesseps wonders why these bitches won’t be happy that she’s madly in love! It seems Luann answered her own question there, and the operative word is “bitches” – those bitches can’t be happy for her, because they’re bitches.  OK, OK… that’s not entirely true, and more on this later… I know you cannot wait for my rambling musings on the many contrary behaviors of Housewives. 

But first, Bethenny Frankel has taken a break from randomly bleeding all over Manhattan to launch Skinnygirl Chocolate. She decides to “go bold” by wearing a bright red wig, which considering what’s going on south of Bethenny’s equator, I dunno… maybe a little too close for comfort? Or maybe Bethenny wanted the drapes to match the curtains?

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Luann is done groveling

Other than the Bloody Vagina portions of the show, I loved last night’s Real Housewives Of New York. There was just the right mixture of drama and suspense, coupled with heart-felt friendship moments. WHAT WOULD RHONY DO WITHOUT DORINDA MEDLEY?! She is everyone’s friend in a meaningful way, never fake, and truly takes time to help these women without judgement. All Housewives shows need a Dorinda! In other happenings, Luann de Lesseps emancipated herself from trying to get into anyone’s good graces – she’s getting married and she don’t give a damn, so “F–k these bitches!” You heard it: Straight from the Countess’ mouth. 

While Bethenny Frankel was preoccupied by bleeding about the groins, the other ladies were empowering their ovaries and realizing…screw this Bethenny Controlled Dictatorship – it’s mutiny time. Rise Up! They’ll go on their OWN trip. They’ll seize the sails and steer this ship in a new direction. The Countess went rogue and she don’t care about Carole RadziVille (said vaudville style). 

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Carole with her dog

On last night’s Real Housewives Of New York, the subject on everyone’s lips was blood and Luann de Lesseps. Does Luann have blood on her hands for ruining the group in her refusal to play the role of Bethenny Frankel‘s sycophant? Well, it appears none of that matters quite so much in the wake of Bethenny‘s health issue.

I don’t even think Luann made an appearance last night, but she was revived with her own ‘Before They Were Housewives’ special which aired after the show and my has she had quite a fascinating life.

Anyway, unfortunately, both Bethenny and Jules Wainstein spent their off-hours at Lenox Hill Hospital getting their vaginal areas investigated and mended. More on that later…

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Luann

Oh Real Housewives Of New York – you never cease to amaze me. Last night’s episode shone a rather frantic light on the very temporary nature of life as a Housewife. 

First up Sonja Morgan has an intern she believes is her twin. This intern has Sonja’s nose, but Luann de Lesseps‘ voice and it’s all together confusing. That poor girl – Alex – upon realizing her predicament was shocked. In Sonja’s kitchen Luann lectures her about making amends with Bethenny Frankel, but Sonja is not inclined. She’s not going to grovel at the feet of the self-proclaimed Queen B, who is schtupping other women’s husbands and channeling the burden of her hypocrisy by having hysterical projecting meltdowns on Luann. Or at least I think that’s what happened between Bethenny and Luann during the Berkshires Bonanza. Which sounds like a recipe. Maybe Adam and Carole Radziwill can put it in their cookbook?! I give it a “Radish Rating” of 9. 

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Bethenny and Carole argue with Luann

Yeah, I’m just gonna admit it – I didn’t want to write this Real Housewives Of New York recap. I had to rally and force myself, because last night was just so icky, fake, mean, desperate, and scheming. I wish for Carole Radziwill and Bethenny Frankel to take a good, hard, long inventory of their lives before they judge one more person.  That display last night was, again, all kinds of hypocrisy and person-shaming, and lady bashing. I don’t care how much they boast about how it was one of the greatest episodes of all time – it wasn’t, in my opinion. So it’s round two of Get Crass With The Countess. 

I don’t think Luann is any sort of innocent – she is annoyingly self-righteous, her jumpsuit was sinfully ugly, and I was pissed that she turned supplicant by apologizing to Bethenny after Bethenny’s barrage of insults. Also, I do think Luann likes to shift around the truth of things – like her relationship with Tom – but I don’t think anyone deserves the sort of treatment Bethenny dished out and I think Luann more than held her own in a calm manner, which impressed me. 

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Luann and Bethenny

Last night’s Real Housewives Of New York left me feeling like Dorinda Medley! I watch this show! It’s supposed to be fun! None of you can “betave!” (And yes – I was swinging a vodka bottle as I ranted at the TV – ironically the TV, which can’t hear me, provided the same non-reaction as the Housewives who were physically standing right in front of Dorinda!)

Also, I’m just gonna say it – I’m tired of Bethenny Frankel. This is not HER show. That spinoff was CANCELLED. Time for Bethenny to recognize where she stands; maybe Bravo gives her special snowflake treatment, but she’s rolling in the same muck as all the other harridans she pretends to be above, and her despot tyrannical behavior is just annoying.

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Well that was some kinda bah-humbug holiday spirit on Real Housewives Of New York, but at least we finally met Luann de Lesseps‘ new man. Despite the free love, sexual adventuress vibe Luann has been rocking as of late, she and Tom D’Agostino Jr. seem genuinely happy in a way that radiated through the TV. I’m into it. Has love finally tamed The Countess?

I so wish the same would happen for Bethenny Frankel, because for all her loud (TOO LOUD) protestations that she “gives no f–ks” we see right through her. She is giving so many f–ks, (none of to men) that her emotional bankruptcy is exploding in a visceral and frankly unhinged way, giving her Bitch Tourrettes. I hope Luann gets a trademark on her hair then sues Bethenny for copyright violation. Just for fun! 

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