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RHONY Recaps

Last night on Real Housewives of New York gale force winds and torrential rains swept through the tiny island of St. Barths. Yes, Hurricane Aviva had arrived and she was there with a vengeance and a fury. Whipping through the villa, shaking the trees with the huffs and blows of her screams and drenching the luxury with her tears and anger. 

Oh, Aviva Drescher. She wanted a red carpet, a cookie, for her husband to be exalted as a saint all because she got on an airplane and showed up. Too bad everyone else was like, 'whatever bitch – have a drink.' So yeah – needless to say paths were crossed, enemy lines were drawn, and her arrival sank like a torpedoed submarine. 

Before we get to all of that, the girls are still – shockingly – getting along, despite Pinot Singer's insistence at stalking the lovely and handsome pirate one night stand of LuAnn de Lesseps. 'Tomas! Whacha do last night? ' Pinot leered, wine sloshing over the top of her glass, wine bloat bursting out of her hideous flesh-colored dress, eyes popping and crackling with desire. Not desire for Tomas you understand, but desire for incriminating information. 

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As a writer you are challenged to encapsulate events and people in an exciting or innovative way. As a recapper you are challenged to reiterate exciting and crazy things that have already happened in a funny and innovative way. It’s a tough job.

Last night on Real Housewives of New York there were royal wars and pinot races. And nobody won at the end of an evening serenaded by the worst music I’ve ever heard on Housewives of anywhere – and that is really saying something. So Mazel, Cara Quici.

Things begin innocently enough with a bidet, some croquet, and champagne. Sonja Morgan, washing off the sins of her hangover, sticks her face in a bidet filled with ice. She does know what part of the anatomy a bidet is really for, correct?

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It’s a non-stop party on Thursday’s Real Housewives of New York! Ramona Singer and Countess Luann gear up for their daughters’ sixteenth birthday parties, with Luann pulling double party planning duty to host a surprise party for Jill. After her bankruptcy announcement, Sonja flies under the radar while Kelly hangs with Victoria and Avery at their respective parties. Alex helps her husband kick his smoking habit by inviting a hypnotherapist into their home. Oh, and Simon at one point wears a dress.

This episode begins with a battle of the party planners, as both Ramona and Luann are planning their daughter’s sweet sixteen parties. Ramona and Avery are meeting with some planners, and as it’s her party (or so she thinks), Avery is giving her two cents about everything. She is totally her mother’s daughter. Meanwhile, elsewhere in Manhattan, Luann is telling her party planners that she doesn’t want “an over the top sweet sixteen” for her daughter Victoria. Yeah, after all the hype surrounding Victoria, I can understand the family wanting to lay low. Of course, Victoria and Luann differ about the number of guests to invite.

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