Rob Valetta

Stassi Schroeder

Of all the things that make ZERO sense about Vanderpump Rules, the two that stand out the most are Kristen Doute and PatrickStassi Schroeder‘s, Zen For The Douchebag’s Soul, sometimes-boyfriend. Yes, for me, this has overshadowed the tedium of Jax Taylor behaving atrociously and getting away with it. Again.

For instance, why is Kristen going to the opening of James Kennedy‘s See You Next Tuesday DJ gig at SUR? Doesn’t she despise her cretin ex boyfriend with the passion of a thousand disturbed bees? Don’t ALL of them actually hate James?! Hasn’t the hatred of James Kennedy been a storyline for, oh, I dunno – the past 3 seasons?! Apparently Kristen would go to the opening of an envelope, though, and when being on Vanderpump Rules is your only J-O-B…

Jax Taylor

So, let’s see – cheating accusations are like clowns in a clown car on Vanderpump Rules now. How many cheaters can we cram into one episode here? Seriously, though, they need to refresh the story-writing staff over at Bravo. Or perhaps get a lot of new cast members…

If we were gonna make a seven-layer dip of the cheating scandals it would go like this: Jax Taylor cheating on Brittany Cartwright is the beefy bottom layer. The anchor of this season’s unfaithful dramas, if you will, but that just got amped up by the spicy salsa of audio featuring Jax’s pillow talk with Faith Stowers, in which he said he’d never marry Brittany.

Vanderpump Rules - Season 5

Trouble in SURidise? Not for Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz. They’re no Scheana Marie and Shay ready for divorce months after tying the knot on Vanderpump Rules. The never-before-happy couple now claims marriage has changed all that.

The cast recently attended a celebration for jewelry designer Kyle Chan where everyone reveled in romantic happiness. Who are these people??? What doppelgangers invaded SUR? Lisa Vanderpump…. are you out there?! Step away from the dogs for a second to save these people!