Even when he wasn’t present, Rob Valletta was a main topic of conversation during the last season of Vanderpump Rules. This is because his now-ex-girlfriend Scheana Marie mentioned him (and his ability to hang a TV in under seven minutes) whenever she could.
Rob and Scheana claim that they broke up because of the drama from the show, but we all have to admit that a lot of people know Rob because of Vanderpump Rules. Some of the cast members even claimed that he used Scheana to get exposure from the show during the reunion shows. He did break up with her right when filming ended….
As always, I think the Secrets Revealed episodes are better than most of what we’ve seen throughout season. And Vanderpump Rules was no exception!
Jax Taylor is totally having a pre-midlife crisis. He’s too old for a quarter-life crisis (let’s be honest, no one expects him to live to be 120 years old) and technically he’s too young for a mid-life crisis, so he’s in a 2/3 life crisis, which means having 400 birthday parties dedicated to doing things kids should do. Like the trampoline park where Tom 1 suggests they play dodgeball on teams of Jax plus all the women he’s slept with, vs. Tom and all the people Jax hasn’t slept with! Bouncing boobs of many incarnations (Jax being the biggest boob of all).
Actually, it was the season of Jax, and, it was totally too much Jax (his shenanigans have overstayed their welcome), but here we go again! At least for the last time.
Last night was the final episode in this endless season of Vanderpump Rules. I celebrated making it to the end with a Vanderpump Rules worthy fancy cocktail of my own creation.
Oftentimes while watching this show, I mentally compare it to The Wizard of Oz. I imagine all these aimless WeHo-ers, orange as oompah-loompas, wandering the LA scene asking The Wizard, Lisa Vanderpump, for some guidance, but even Lisa doesn’t know what to do with these half-humans and sometimes must simply order them to “shut up.”
So last night Lala Kent got a conscience, Jax Taylor pretended he got a heart, and Scheana Marie demonstrated that selling her soul to Andy Cohen the reality TV satan granted her eternal selfishness. Congrats!
A lot of the conversation comes back to Rob since he was Scheana’s favorite thing to talk about all season long. Lala’s boyfriend has never even appeared on camera, yet he was a major part of Lala’s storylines for the past two seasons. Now the Vanderpump Rules cast members are sharing their opinions about their costars’ (current and former) significant others.
I know we’ve all referred to the stars of Vanderpump Rules as “Vanderpump Fools” but you know, if the condom fits! Happily some of these people have taken the tentative steps towards adulthood, however most of them are still mixing reiki with booze and wondering why their back hurts.
On part 2 of the reunion, Jax Taylor continued to be confused about, well, everything. Lala Kent defined feminism and her finances, and Katie Maloney cried about how amazing Tom Schwartz is. Regardless of how flawed it may be, it’s nice to finally see these two happy – especially considering how unhappy their wedding was!
Last night kicked off the Vanderpump Rules reunion and the main topic on the agenda were all the horrible relationships (what else?) floating like backwash in the half-drunk cocktails at SUR. From Tom Sandoval‘s gripes that Lisa Vanderpump doesn’t take him seriously as an entrepreneur and restaurant designer, to the many, many delusional thoughts of Scheana Marie Shay Famewhorini and her ROBsession.
Jax Taylor was on an emotional roller coaster, which wasn’t too different from Jax Taylor-coaster we’ve seen all season, except instead of depending on reiki master Kelsey to feel up his feelings, he was actually mourning the death of his father. Through his tears, Jax describes it as the worst thing that’s ever happened to him but the loss made him realize what an impossible mega-douche he’s been to everyone since, oh, time infinitum. It’s like someone held the evil stepmother’s mirror up to Jax and showed him the truth! That person was not Stassi Schroeder, shockingly.
After a long, protracted, repetitive, and drawn-out season, Vanderpump Rules ended where it always does – in the beginning, with a tale of woe of Jax Taylor and Stassi Schroeder; two ships crossing in the night during a tsunami. Jax and Stassi didn’t have drama together (although Jax was gobsmacked by seeing Patrick in the flesh), but the epicenter of this show has always been Jax and Stassi.
Honestly it should because they’re both tragicomic heroes. Two people so miscalculating in their own effects, yet squandering so much potential that it almost makes me feel bad for them. All the characters on this show are like that to a degree, but none so poignantly as Jax or Stassi, one, a star-crossed failure, and the other a star-crossed hater who idealizes murder because she can’t confront her own painful insecurities.
Say what you want about James Kennedy, but no one can deny that he always brings the entertainment on Vanderpump Rules. The self-proclaimed “White Kanye West” is constantly defending himself from cheating accusations, blessing the fandom with original music, or saying something hilarious.
James opened up about which Real Housewivescast members he would collaborate with and his thoughts on all of the major story lines this season on Vanderpump Rules.