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Ronnie Ortiz-Magro


Oh, Jersey Shore, how I love you…let me count the ways. I love you when you’re camping, when you incite food fights, and when you bring home grenades. I love you when you wear furry Ewok boots and need to blur out your private area because you forgot to put on underwear. I love it all.

Mike failed to execute his master plan on the last episode, so he takes an opportunity to take Jionni aside. He tells Snooki’s boyfriend that Snooks has totally seen the Sitch’s P while Ryder was hooking up with the Helium. Mike hopes that Jionni can respect his admission, man-to-man. Jionni shakes Mike’s hand and then crawls back in bed with Snooki to relay the Situation’s most recent situation. Snooks looks worried in the night vision cam, but seem legitimately concerned when the producers switch to full-on regular lighting. Jionni asks Nicole if Mike is being honest, but he continues to spoon Snooki as she laughingly declares Mike a liar.

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Last night’s Jersey Shore was one party short of a baby shower for Snooki. Or, it was just the gang clerbing before Nicole became “with child.” Tough to tell…

Snooki and Vin come back to the house as drunk messes. Deena and Pauly question the duo about sexual tension and hooking up with one another. Nicole and Vinny play it cool while cuddling up on Vin’s twin bed. Sexy. Snooks passes out, while the rest of the gang prepares to go to Jenks. Deena’s boy toy Joey calls the bat phone, and he informs her (and her white clip on extensions) that he’s going to have to bail. She needs to change her outfit to something less DTF. Deena is disappointed in the roommates’ showing. The Rawn/Sammi pair is sleeping, JWoww is in bed…  That leaves Vinny, Pauly, Deena, and sketchy Sitch heading to the club.

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Oh, Jersey Shore, I love when you give the viewers a drama-free episode, filled with drunken stupidity, bunny costumes, and Pauly D one-liners. I love it even more when you try to hide a public service announcement about the importance of watercraft safety into said episode. We’re listening, MTV, and we’ll wear life jackets if we’re ever unfortunate enough to find ourselves in a deflating raft with Snooki at the helm. You may have saved lives. #themoreyouknow

The fight that started to transpire at the end of the last episode ends very anticlimactically. The dude who pulled down Jenni’s napkin dress gets kicked out of the club. As Rawn opines, “You either leave Karma or you get kicked out of Karma. And if you mess with Rog’s girl, you’re going to get messed up…because that is Karma.” I am so glad he understands the phrase! Back at the house, all Snooki want to do is “get it in” (I can’t believe I just typed that!), but he’s vomiting. JWoww hauls Roger off to the smush room, but is called away to do her dooty duty. Ronnie hates that Roger never gets to hang out, and he helps Roger escape to the deck while Jenni’s in the ladies’ room.

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Last night’s Jersey Shore wasn’t too eventful. There is cake baking, pranks, doing sex, and a pair of suspenders that Jenni tries to pass off as a dress. Thankfully, there was also GTL.

Jenni and Roger are still fighting about her trust issues, but they seem to work through it on the duck phone. Jenni has to swallow her pride. Deena is quick to put her in her place as well, stating that she was acting like a brat.

Deena feels badly that the meatballs ditched out on work to get drunk. At Sammi’s suggestion, Snooks and Deena decide to make boss Danny an apology cake. After worrying that they put the cake into the oven for too long, Deena checks on it and realizes the pan with the batter is still sitting on the counter. Once it’s actually baked, they decorate it for Danny with meatball love.

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Last night’s time with the gang from Jersey Shore was just how I like it:  Light-hearted, drunken tomfoolery without excessive urine, blurring of Britneys, or vomit, and a stage-five clinger thrown in for good measure. Speaking of measurement, Mike logged in some quality phone time with the Unit.

Mike is disappointed when he calls the Decibel and finds out he’s in Miami. This means he’s not able to come to the Shore to tell Jionni about Snooki’s situation with the Situation. Mike is thrilled to learn, however, that his brother is hooking up with Deena’s sister. There were so many bleeps in that portion of the conversation I felt like Mike was a smoke detector. Mike is being an evil genius right now… minus the genius part.

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It’s back to the beach with the peeps of Jersey Shore. Last night, Vinny settles back into shore life, Snooki loses bladder control, and Mike is eerily nice.

Vinny has come back to the Mothership, which is awesome because it means no new roommates for the gang. Everyone heads out, but Rawn for one is leery that Mike is being nice. Like really nice. Scary nice. It is very strange. JWoww is upset that Roger has been MIA, while the Situation reveals that he wants to get a tattoo that says “Loyalty and Betrayal” since he knows so much about those two things. Ronnie thinks “Betrayal and Betrayal” would be more appropriate given Mike’s pension for stirring up dramz among the roommates while being anything but “loyal.”

No matter, let’s just go to Karma! Pauly D is thrilled to have his wing man Vinny back at the Shore. Snooki is thrilled to have all of her guido family back together. So thrilled, in fact, that she totally soils herself on the dance floor. I know when I have to pee…do you, dear readers? Luckily Snooki takes a Shore shower, which means she maybe washed her hands when she went to the bathroom. Who are these people?

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While Seaside Heights, New Jersey has allowed the cast of Jersey Shore to film, “work,” and get wasted night after night in multiple seasons of the infamous reality show, their fellow Jersey residents in Hoboken will be having none of the macaroni rascal treatment.

In a letter posted to the City of Hoboken’s official website, Mayor Dawn Zimmer announced the Hoboken Film Commission denied MTV’s request for a permit to film Snooki and Jwoww‘s upcoming spin-off, citing “public safety and quality of life concerns.”

The letter contains a detailed explanation of the request, which stated it would take 700 hours of filming to produce one hour of programming! One of the reasons the permit was denied was the request was made for a 24 hour permit, and Hoboken already has a law in place which prohibits filming after 11 p.m.

Given that the Jersey Shore kids love to party and Hoboken has a thriving club scene, this also presented a major issue. The report goes on to say: “The constant presence of such a production would be an attractive nuisance causing crowds to assemble at every hour of the day and night…unacceptable lessening of the quality of life for the local residents and businesses.”

The letter also indicates that 495 Productions, the team behind Jersey Shore, had filmed in Hoboken previously without a permit, using “informal verbal agreements …involving payments to individuals.” The mayor was not pleased and issued the following warning in her letter:

“As the mayor of a community that has experienced significant corruption in the recent past, I write to put you, 495 Productions, MTV, and Viacom on formal notice that there will be zero tolerance for this kind of approach in the City of Hoboken. Any attempts to film in a manner that is not permitted without a permit will be dealt with immediately and aggressively by the City of Hoboken.”

Yikes, Mayor Zimmer is serious! In response, Snooki sent out the following message to New Jersey Governer Chris Christie on her Twitter: “I will not be voting for Chris Christie. Love always, the “buffoons” from that degrading Jersey Shore show.”

Since Snooki is from New York, and does not legally reside in Jersey, we don’t think Gov. Christie has much to worry about.

Even after the disastrous Italy season, Jersey Shore is still looking for other places where the gang can rest their booze-soaked, tan heads for upcoming seasons! In a recent interview, Ronnie says, “I believe that they were looking at Vegas and Australia, two places I would love to go. I don’t know if we would make it back from Vegas, but I’m pretty sure we would love to go to Vegas.”

Surprising no one, Ronnie says he will go just about anywhere with the show: “I want to do this as long as the fans keep watching.I will do it in Depends and a walker.”

And if you show up to the club in your walker, we might just keep watching. Finally, Snooki tweeted a photo yesterday of herself with JWoww and Mob Wives stars Drita and Carla during a radio interview! That pic is below.

[Photo Credit: WENN]

TELL US: WILL YOU KEEP WATCHING JERSEY SHORE? DO YOU THINK THEY WILL RUN OUT OF PLACES TO FILM? WILL YOU WATCH SNOOKI AND JWOWW’S SPIN-OFF? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HOBOKEN’S DENIAL OF THEIR FILM PERMIT?

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Last night’s Jersey Shore episode was aptly titled by the network “Free Vinny.” Not even 30 seconds into the episode and I can’t get Micheal Jackson’s “Free Willy” soundtrack song out of my head, only my mind is singing, “Hold me, like the roommate Vinny, and I will say to thee, you are my friend.” Pathetic, right? Right. I hope it sticks with you as it has with me. :)

So right off the bat, we all know it’s NEVER a good sign if the Shore Store boss shows up at the house. He knows his hair blends in all too well with the house’s “quaint” wood paneling, so usually he tries to stay as far away as possible from that set. It must be dire. It is… with Vinny at home and Mike MIA, there are shifts that need to be covered. Crude words aren’t ironed on to scanty boy shorts all by themselves, dear readers! Boss man Danny is not happy with their work ethic and he threatens to increase his employee base. That means potential new roommates for the gang. Because this show has all of a sudden turned into the Real World.

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