Katie has been working hard to build her blog and decides to throw an industry launch party to debut it to the world, so she can begin making money. What Katie really wants, however, is an exclusive party with a tightly-controlled guest list, so she can wander around SUR pointing at people with her new Scheana Marie witch’s talon nails snapping, “Invited!” “Not Invited!” as she plucks the leaves, one by one, off Lisa Vanderpump‘s 100 year-old custom-cultivated tulips originally cuttings from Josephine Bonaparte’s garden, once watered with the blood of Napoleon (can you tell I’ve been watching War & Peace? It’s like Vanderpump Rules with more complicated names, more conniving, decent fitting clothing, more lying, and swords instead of cocktail stirrers).
But no thank you, Tom 2, for the reference to your flaccid penis. Katie Maloney, please get off Scheana Marie‘s drama train and onto your man. If the way Tom 2 was making out with that Hooters chicken wing is any indication, that was a man deprived and we know how Katie feels about make-out cheating!
The Kristen Doute Apology Tour continues on, gathering steam by adding Stassi Schroeder, and growing into a cloud of vicissitude by adding Jax.
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to social media to share even more of their lives with us. And we would not have it any other way. Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite snapshots and selfies from this week. Enjoy.
Real Housewives of Atlantastar Kenya Moore shared the “beatless” selfie above, adding, “I’m a Nubian queen. It’s in my blood to adorn myself. But I’m definitely comfortable not wearing makeup too. But no woman is going to tell me “I need to remember what makeup is for.” Beauty is from the inside out, and even if you don’t wear makeup, don’t judge others who do or make them feel bad for wanting to present themselves however they want. I have a few freckles hehehehe and yes bushy eyebrows. #beatlessbeauty”
In Hawaii the group continues having a conniption fit over Lala Kent‘s existence. After Lala confronted Brittany Cartwright about Jax’s lying, and then confronted Jax about his lying, to which Jax lied about lying, Lala retreated to her hotel to cry into the complimentary towels. Reality TV is so hard! She just needs her mommy! But, as Lala pointed out, Faith also took off her top, but no one was yelling at her! Katie Maloney, a hypocrite? Nooooooo…
Remember when Stassi Schroeder told the world, “I am the Devil. And don’t you forget it”…? Well, on this week’s Vanderpump Rules, she’s baaaaaaaaaack! The Return of Stassi is poised to shake up frenemy circles at SUR this Monday, but viewers are uncertain about what Stassi’s presence will really mean for cast dynamics. Will Stassi’s head spin around? Will she Jedi-mind-control Jax Taylor into tattooing her name on his forehead? Will she levitate new girl Lala Kent above the sticky tables of SUR, slamming her into the ice machine, Kylo Ren style? (A girl can dream!!!)
Sadly, previews suggest what Stassi really does on the upcoming VPR is a whole lot of whimpering and grovelling, perhaps in an attempt to ingratiate herself to the friends and former boss who she’d formerly cut out of her life. But not everyone is buying what Stassi is selling. Except for Kristen Doute, who claims, “I was really excited,” adding, “I think I was the only one.”
Scheana Marie has already shared her justification for why she texted Ariana Madix‘s mom to complain that Tom Sandoval stole her best friend and like made her do adulting, but now it’s Ariana’s turn to explain just what made Scheana’s texts so offensive and surprising.
“I was just really disappointed and confused,” says Ariana. “Tom truly has always gone above and beyond for his friends, especially Scheana and Shay, so I couldn’t understand why she would be so rude about him. She said some seriously awful things.”