Sister Wives Season 5

Last night was a Sister Wives' road trip from hell.  I got totally stressed out just watching it.  Kody Brown's behavior rivaled that of his youngest children, and we learned that Meri Brown and Robyn Sullivan-Brown's great-great-(and great) grandfathers were both hanging out in Nauvoo, Illinois at the same time.  Perhaps that's why they have such a connection?  Christine Brown fancied herself a Chris Brown with her impromptu stand-up routines during the sofa interviews, and I think that Janelle Brown said maybe three words.  She was probably still traumatized from the road trip. 

The episode begins as the family is celebrating Logan's birthday.  Kody announces that everyone is going to file into two RVs for a road trip to Nauvoo, Illinois which is where the Church of Latter Day Saints gained popularity.  While the Browns aren't a part of that denomination, they are looking forward to learning more about their Mormon forefathers.  Needless to say, the teenagers aren't super thrilled at the idea of driving three days to Illinois to learn their church history, while the younger kids just hear "RVs." 

Hunter and Logan manage to get out of the pilgrimage thanks to prior plans and football camp.  The teen girls are beyond jealous of their brothers' good fortune.  Logan and Hunter aren't even pretending they're upset to missing this debacle.  Christine and Robyn will be staying in hotels while the other ladies will be bunking in the RVs.

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Oh, Sister Wives!  Thank you so much for introducing me to the Dargers.  TLC, what do you say about a Darger spin-off?  Kody Brown would be livid!

We started last night with Kody going over plans for each of the four homes.  How are these people affording these homes?  The wives, except Janelle, are all getting totally greedy with their need for extra bedrooms and wet bars and offices.  I am predicting this season doesn't end well for the Browns.

After squaring away the blueprints, the family can look forward to their family vacation with some polygamist friends…because that's normal!  The Dargers aren't the same faith as the Browns.  Instead they are "independent polygamists" which must be some kind of code for dude who wanted to marry more than one lady.  Joe Darger married two women, Alina and Vicki, on the same day, one of whom looked to be about fourteen at the time, and then ten years later married Val who is Vicki's twin sister.  Talk about sharing everything!  I'm more than a tad skeezed out because not only will they actually be SISTER wives, the kids will be sibling-cousin hybrids…and among the three of them, there are twenty-three children.  The double marriage was arranged by Joe's mom.  Lovely.

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It seems that Kody Brown has gotten some sort of hairstyle/hairdo/haircut situation since last week's Sister Wives premiere.  His bowl-cut/mullet hybrid seems more tame.  Is he not watching these old home videos of himself that we're forced to watch?  He's actually not bad looking with shorter hair.  I don't know if I'll ever get over his mane situation.  Kody drones on and on about how many polygamists don't raise their children in such a public manner due to the stigma of the lifestyle.  Of course Kody wants to be front and center with each of his bazillion kids so they realize how strong the family bond is.  

Kody and his wives are heading to the high school for a parent(s)-teacher conference.  Oddly enough, they opt for the mini-van instead of Kody's convertible.  Strange.  The first meeting is with Mariah's Spanish teacher.  Mariah reminds us that she was inducted into the National Honor Society…last episode year.  A little editing problem there, TLC?  That would explain Kody's haircut.  Anyhoo, the Spanish teacher is meeting with three of the kids moms.  It's funny watching the wives pretend like they understand Spanish.  Christine thinks that Senora Hess is hot.  She would totally learn Spanish from her…and there is next season's story line–recruiting Senora Hess as the next wife.

Next, the women meet with the P.E. teacher.  While she's only teaching Aspyn this year, she had many of the daughters last year.  Aspyn likes to skip P.E. a lot, but she's making up the work to increase her grade.  Christine allows Aspyn to skip school a lot because she's such a good student.  That's good…it's totally like that in the work force too, so kudos to you Christine for preparing her for real life.  Meri admits that Mariah often tries to skip citing Chistine's lax nature with Aspyn, but Meri won't stand for it.  However, like Mariah, Aspyn also wants to be in a plural marriage like her parents.

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Kody Brown and his Sister Wives are back, and the family seems to be feeling the strain of their Las Vegas move even more intensely than last season.  Even Kody's once fluffy, blonde mane is now straw-like with a dishwater hue.  Oh, the hairmanity!  Seriously, if I'm going to watch a show about a polygamist (and I do like watching, don't get me wrong), couldn't TLC have found one a little more Bradley Cooper and a little less Harry from Dumb and Dumber?

The family remembers how difficult the transition to Las Vegas was, especially for the older children.  There is definite tension on the sofa, that's for sure.  All of the wives blame being separated on the break down of their family unit.  The family is still trying to secure financing for their cul-de-sac village.  Christine is concerned that Robyn and Janelle's credit won't allow them to qualify for a loan.  If one of them can't get their home, no one will be able to move forward.

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