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Sister Wives

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This is my first experience discussing the atrocity that is Kody Brown's hair. Why are there no cameras in his bathroom detailing how he achieves such a paragon of 80's greatness. Kody missed his calling by not going into figure skating because the twirl potential of those locks is epic. 

This week the Sister Wives took a quad-only trip to San Francisco to bond sans Kody, who is really the reason no one gets along. Meanwhile Kody stayed home to burn down the fort and show his paternal ineptitude to the world. 

Things start out with Janelle running a 5K, which I hope translates into eventually running away from Kody. To support her, Kody runs with her – well actually he runs far ahead of her. Robyn, of course, is pimping t-shirts to go along with the race that feature the word "Be:" followed by a bunch of adjectives of what someone could be. Polygamous is not on the list, but the design does feature an exploding heart. Ummm… 

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rhoa-recap-porsha

The reality TV viewer numbers are in – and Real Housewives of Atlanta wins again. 4.187 million viewers (compared to last week's record breaking 4.519) tuned in this week. For Love & Hip Hop, 3.112 million watched Joe propose to Tahiry, which is up from last week's 2.889.

The other reality shows are holding steady.  Sister Wives garnered 2 million viewers on Sunday. On Monday, 1.804 million viewers witnessed Brandi and Carlton's drunken pole dancing on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and 1.446 million watched Kristen get ridiculously drunk on Vanderpump Rules.

On Tuesday, 1.20 million viewers went to the Del Mar races with the Shahs of Sunset crowd, and 2.004 million fans tuned in to see the Dance Moms stress over Abby's first open audition.

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sister wives aspyn mariah

On last night's Sister Wives, Kody Brown saw two daughters graduate from high school. While Christine was overjoyed for daughter Aspyn, Meri continued to meltdown over Mariah leaving the nest. Poor Janelle, she really wants to high tail it, doesn't she? Even Robyn raises some eyebrows by inviting a fortune teller to the girls' graduation party. Her prediction? One more wife! Oh gracious!

The episode begins with Christine, Meri, and their daughters plan the graduation party. The girls think the moms are living vicariously through them since they never had graduation parties. Mariah and Aspyn are opposed to dancing and DJs. Meri thinks that the girls must be embarrassed by their parents' dancing skills. The only idea that sounds remotely appealing is Robyn's palm reader. I do love that the girls' are cussing in front of their moms. Mariah says "hell no" to a slide show. Kody then discusses, yet again, how much more expensive Mariah's college education will be. If I were Mariah, I'd ask my folks to put the money they planned to spend on the party towards my education. He invites Mariah's study skills teacher over to talk about financial planning. Kody does not want any of his kids graduating with student loan debt, and he isn't going to be cosigning diddly squat. Slowly but surely, Kody realizes that loans would allow his kids to study and progress without worrying about working three jobs every semester. Take it from me, it's much easier to worry about that debt after graduation. Oh, sarcasm!

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real-housewives-of-atlanta-ratings-rhoa-kenya-moore

The reality TV viewer numbers are in – and Real Housewives of Atlanta has blown us away!  A whopping  4.519 MILLION  viewers watched "A Trip Down Memory Lane" this week, which is a season high, a series high, and a franchise high. Bravo logged its most-watched night in network history. Everybody twirl!

Elsewhere on Sunday, 2.042 million sat through Kody and Brett's bromance on Sister Wives. Um, why? Is it the hair? The wives? Please enlighten me. ;)  

On Monday, Love & Hip Hop bounced back from last week's season low, with 2.889 million fans checking up on their favorite love triangles on VH1. Over on Bravo, both Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules lost viewers, with 1.826 million tuning in for even more Joyce and Brandi drama and 1.497 million suffering through Stassi's birthday.

On Tuesday,  1.189 million devoted Shahs of Sunset fans watched Mike and Reza's confrontation, and 2.171 million took a Tylenol after sitting through Abby Lee Miller's incessant yelling on Dance Moms

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kody brown wrestling

On last night's Sister Wives, Kody let the locks fly with lots of manly activities. It was slightly epic. The Browns are planning a commitment ceremony, and they are looking at different places to throw a big family event. Christine loves dropping the fact that they are polygamists to see how people react. The poor guy giving them a tour of the venue says he isn't the church or the government…his place of business just wants to make money. I never need to see Kody moonwalking on a dance floor ever again. Christine balks at the $10,000.00 minimum price tag, but Janelle believes that it's actually a fair price for what they would be getting. Meri appreciates that some of the women don't want to have to prep or clean up as it would all be taken care of by the event staff, but it's an awful lot of money. Kody admits that he can be very stingy when it comes to his wives' spending, but he wants to go all out with this celebration. After all, he's got a reputation to uphold. Gag.

Kody's friend Brett is coming to visit, and he and Janelle's trainer are going to install wrestling mats in Janelle's garage for son Hunter. Janelle still has stuff in her garage that needs to be cleaned out, so Kody volunteers Christine's garage for the mats as her garage is spotless. Christine requests a private conversation with Kody so she can give him her list of demands in return for turning her garage into a mini gym. She wants more time with Kody and more grocery money. Where are they getting this money? Is TLC footing the bill for all of this madness? Hunter is excited about his new training arena. He thinks it's cool that his dad likes to relive his high school glory days.

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kenya-moore-nene-leakes

It's time to round up the reality TV viewer numbers for the past two weeks! 

Ratings wise, Real Housewives of Atlanta was Sunday's top cable telecast, with 3.827 million fans tuning in for the Savannah trip. That's a new season high. 3.677 million watched last week's Chuck drama. Also on Sunday, Sister Wives returned this week, and 2.410 million couldn't resist Kody's charms

Love & Hip Hop returned after a two week break to a much smaller audience. Only 2.386 caught Erica Mena and Rich Dollaz discussing their relationship – that's down over 500,000 since early December and nearly a million since early November. Will it bounce back in January?

Both Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules slipped Christmas week, but they bounced back this week. Just over 2 million watched Brandi and Joyce's showdown on RHOBH. Their catty girl drama continued on Vanderpump Rules, resulting in a new season high (1.5) for the SUR crowd.

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sister wives fam

Last night was thriving on the cul-de-sac with the return of Sister Wives and, more importantly, Kody Brown's hair. Everyone is thrilled to be in their homes, and everything is as it should be. Kody can run from house to house–it's the best exercise routine ever!  The wives are glad that the kids are in such close proximity, but the ladies are still as independent as ever…in other words, they still despise one another. Even with a commitment ceremony looming, the women's interactions are incredibly awkward.

Now that some of the older kids are preparing for college, the family believes that a discussion about a tuition budget should be at the forefront. Kody is anti-student loans. He doesn't want his kids to have any college debt, as if that's entirely feasible. Thanks for reminding me of my debilitating law school debt, Kodster! With Meri about to be an empty nester and Mariah wanting to go to a much pricier school, Kody thinks Meri should shoulder more of the financial obligation.

Robyn has Meri's back, but Kody isn't budging. They call in Mariah to share "their reality," and Christine informs the high school senior that her full time job should be trying to find scholarships. With seventeen kids, no one should get a full ride. A tearful Mariah (when is she not tearful?) explains that she wants to reconnect with her Mormon faith. Janelle wants Mariah to be able to go to the school of her choice. Kody doesn't seem to be onboard with this wife mutiny, and he reminds everyone that he's the common denominator with the children. He's such a prize.

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gretchen rossi

It was a busy week this week as the reality stars headed out for the many holiday events going on from coast to coast. 

Above: Gretchen Rossi and Slade Smiley hammed it up at the REV New Media holiday party at Beachers Madhouse at Roosevelt Hotel. 

Ramona Singer showed off her crazy fit bikini body while enjoying the warmth of Florida.  Joanna Krupa and Karent Sierra had a blast at the Hard Rock event that Brandi Glanville got uninvited from, Kim Kardashian did a little shopping with Kris Jenner and Kanye West, and Kyle Richards was snapped all over Beverly Hills.  

Bethenny Frankel wore some shiny silver pants while Kordell Stewart and Towanda Braxton set the rumor mill ablaze as they were photographed out together.  Holly Madison was gorgeous as ever on the red carpet, as was Yolanda Foster. 

Kody Brown celebrated his great week by taking the family to see The Nutcracker ballet.  Golnesa Gharachedaghi got frisky with a friend and Kelly Bensimon graced us with her presence.  And SO many more! 

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