Last night on Real Housewives of New York one special housewife had a resurgence of adolescence when all she talked about was me, me, me, mememememememmememememe! Yep – one whole long hour of Aviva Drescher, her phobias, the horrible St. Barths psycation, and her problems with Tweedle Drunk and Tweedle Cum. Luckily Heather Thomson was there to speak for the masses, be the voice of reason, and finally suggest that she maybe just LET. IT. GO.
Things begin with a dinner party in a lovely UES apartment. Attending the party are siamese twins Pinot Singer and Sonja Morgan and their frienemy LuAnn de Lesseps. Apparently all three ladies share a mutual friend who is probably looking for camera time because she's selling her apartment, her recipes, her interior design business, her dignity, her husband, whatever…
LuAnn lets us know things have been strained with Jacques since she told him about the incidents in St. Barths, mainly pertaining to a late-night episode in piratry, so she's been giving him extra reassurance that she cares.
The National Enquirer (quick break to snicker) recently announced that George's current girlfriend, knock-out Stacy Kiebler is reportedly uber jealous to learn of his former fling.
Carole insomuch as admitted the hook-up, tweeting: “I don’t kiss and tell, but if I did, I’d say Clooney was a very good kisser…” Which infuriated an already "extremely jealous" Stacy.
Apparently the problem lies in the fact that George never told Stacy about his sexytimes with Carole! “Stacy knows he’s hooked up with a lot of other women before they started going out. But she thought she knew about all of them. Now Stacy is wondering who else George didn’t tell her about.”
Oh those Manzo boys are quite the little business men, aren't they? First BLK Water and now a restaurant! Real Housewives of New Jersey'sAlbie and Chris have teamed up with two New York City based restaurateurs Michael Sinensky and Sean McGarr to open a place in Hoboken which will serve dishes created with local produce, meat, and seafood, as well as craft beers and wine.
The restaurant will be called Little Town New Jersey, and it already has a New York counterpart.
Last night on MTV Real World Spring Break, oh… errrr…Oops! I mean Middle-Aged (Wannabe) Girls Gone Wild. Oh… danggit – I mean Real Housewives of New York! There we go, that's the right show. Anyway, last night on RHONY the battle between Turtletime and Hurricane Aviva continued to rage. I think we're going to have to declare this one a draw because both these crazies went in circles like a typhoon and I don't think anything was resolved!
So things begin with a little bitching and arguing over what else – girls trip vs. couple's retreat. What about therapeutic retreat? Why didn't Bravo call in some therapists to assist with the lunacy and sit everyone down for a good ol' " I feel" session followed by some team building exercises?
Over breakfast, Reid and Russ are present and this is not acceptable. A clearly hung-over Sonja Morgan is shoveling in the food at warp speed and complaining about being called white trash. Pinot Singer and Sonja try to "pretend" they have no idea what that even means and hop on Google for a little investigative research. They get on dictionary.com and are most surprised to find a photo of themselves right next to the description. Oh, that can't be because White Trash means "poor" and they are not poor. They are just bankrupt and married to (or divorced from) money. Then someone distracts them by yelling wine and they decide oh, well at least White Trash means you're nice and it doesn't have anything to do with being inhospitable anyway.
LuAnn de Lesseps has been in the spotlight a lot recently – for all the wrong reasons! The Real Housewives of New York star has been accused of cheating on camera with a very dashing young pirate. LuAnn emphatically denies that any sort of misdeeds took place, but sometimes the lady doth protests too much!
In a new interview with the Miami New Times, LuAnn discusses the alleged cheating and how this season has been different with Jill Zarin and Alex McCord out of the picture!
"I was really, really sad about that," LuAnn says of learning Jill was fired. "Jill is the one that got me on the show. I met Jill and she said, 'I think you would be perfect!' I really miss Jill and Kelly [Bensimon]. Alex and Simon [van Kempen] I could live without." The feelings must be mutual as Simon recently did an interview in which he openly wondered if LuAnn was a "liar" or a "slut!"
Well last Monday's episode of Real Housewives of New York was a treat wasn't it? It had fights, alleged anal sex, bikini grinding, nudity, cougar pawing, drunken antics – and yeah, nope – It wasn't a porno!
Anyway, one person (besides myself) who hasn't recovered from the horrors is Aviva Drescher who showed up on St. Barths with her temper set to 11 (10 points for anyone who gets the Spinal Tap reference). Speaking to The Huffington Post, Aviva shares her perspective on the incidents months later. And she's still pissed!
"I’m alive to talk about it,” Aviva jokes. “We do more filming, and on vacation that microphone never comes off. There was a lot of drugs, sex and rock 'n' roll.” DRUGS?! Where? Who? What? DETAILS, please! Apparently, Aviva is not willing to share, claiming nothing "illegal" was consumed.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York gale force winds and torrential rains swept through the tiny island of St. Barths. Yes, Hurricane Aviva had arrived and she was there with a vengeance and a fury. Whipping through the villa, shaking the trees with the huffs and blows of her screams and drenching the luxury with her tears and anger.
Oh, Aviva Drescher. She wanted a red carpet, a cookie, for her husband to be exalted as a saint all because she got on an airplane and showed up. Too bad everyone else was like, 'whatever bitch – have a drink.' So yeah – needless to say paths were crossed, enemy lines were drawn, and her arrival sank like a torpedoed submarine.
Before we get to all of that, the girls are still – shockingly – getting along, despite Pinot Singer's insistence at stalking the lovely and handsome pirate one night stand of LuAnn de Lesseps. 'Tomas! Whacha do last night? ' Pinot leered, wine sloshing over the top of her glass, wine bloat bursting out of her hideous flesh-colored dress, eyes popping and crackling with desire. Not desire for Tomas you understand, but desire for incriminating information.
Avivadiscussed the events with Celebuzz and admits it gets pretty crazy – like Scary Island crazy, perhaps? "Monday is, I think, sort of the crescendo of my storyline,” Aviva shares. “I really become unhinged. All that biting of my tongue when I was in the pool, or when I was going in the Jacuzzi, or when Ramona was in my kitchen, sort of comes out.”