Last night on Vanderpump Rules there was a wedding instead of cheating drama! Scheana Marie got married and it had all the tackery and whinery one would expect. What one could not expect is that she spent approximately $100,000 on disco glitter and tantrums.
Things begin with Scheana visiting Lisa Vanderpump‘s house for a pre-wedding check-in. Lisa wants to know if Scheana is really in love with Shay, the lurking hulk of gooey melted gummy bears that is about to become her permanent bedmate. Scheana is – why, she couldn’t tell you. What Scheana CAN tell you is that the heart wants what the bride wants no matter what it costs! It is HER. DAY to be pretty princess for a change, to usurp Stassi Schroeder as the unequivocal self-dubbed princess in the big pouffy dress and have all the attention ON. HER.
Lisa wonders how Scheana is paying such extravagances as 5 sets of mink eyelashes and 50,000 rhinestone-studded rose pedals… Well, since you asked, Scheana is using her lawsuit settlement! BRAKES SCREECH… what, you say? Remember when Scheana broke her teeth and had to have 6 hours of agonizing dental surgery and no one visited her in the hospital? Well Scheana sued whomever broke her teeth and got a settlement, which she is blowing on her very own Barbie dream wedding!
Jax Taylor, the world’s biggest traitor, is hanging out poolside, grabbing cocktails with Kristen, who is reveling in her splendiforous outing of Tom Sandoval‘s cheating after she trotted Miami Girl, her used lip-plants, and Lee Press-On nails (Google the 80s for that ish!) up to the bar to confront Tom about the size of his peni (too small to warrant an “s”) and what exactly he was doing with it – not Kristen much to her dismay.
Since Kristen is happy and Tom 1 is sabotaged, she is kissing James. Meanwhile Jax looks like someone put something in his vodka – was he roofied?! He’d probably like that. He’s there with Carmen. who despite being dumped over pizza is sticking around for more camera time! She accuses Jax of texting 5 other girls, which was a rhetorical question, right? To prove his innocence Kristen grabs his phone and, oh look! there’s a text from some girl in Vegas that Tom 2 cheated with.
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to social media to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from this week. Enjoy!
Above: Gretchen Rossi shared, “Sundance look. Surprisingly I wasn’t cold at all. #lovefashion #wantmylook #GretchenChristine”
First on Stassi, Tom 1 has a “huge issue” with how she treated Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz. “She overstepped her boundaries of a friendship,” he says. “She took it too far but I wouldn’t expect anything less from her. I’ve known her for years and I’ve seen the way she handles situations—including when Jax was trying to get her back last season. She loved and relished in him groveling at her feet. It’s a common thing with Stassi.”
Tom was loitering, casually constructed behind the bar at SUR, when a trainwreck of botched lip implants and an immobile face appeared before him! He jumped; he recoiled in horror. No, not because he saw who it was – Annemarie from Miami – but because she ordered a Cosmo (is this Sex And the City circa 2002?!) – then he bolted. From her vantage point across the restaurant, perfectly positioned so she could witness the showdown while guzzling wine, Kristen leapt from her seat and went running after him. This wasn’t supposed to happen – Tom was supposed to run TOWARDS Kristen, not away from SUR.
So now that we’ve set the scene, let’s rewind – Lord knows I did a lot of that last night to catch every wimple of drama.
After years of putting up with Stassi Schroeder‘s special unique crazy, Katie Maloney finally snapped. The straw that broke the camel’s back? Stassi expecting Katie to put their friendship before everything else going on in her life – including her relationship with Tom Schwartz and her job at SUR!
First Katie explains why she decided to go to Miami with the rest of her Vanderpump Rules co-stars. “Tom and I had just gone through an extremely difficult period, and it really shook us both to our core. I had to completely turn my attention and priorities towards our relationship and asses everything.”
Katie shares that she needed to detach emotionally and try to figure out what was salvageable and what was causing so much friction between herself and Tom 2. “I had to decide where I needed to place importance. Now considering I don’t subscribe to Jax’s bullsh–, I no longer placed any importance on what he says and does. I knew that what he says and does can and did affect me, but it was no longer important to me. Rebuilding my relationship was the most important thing to me.”
This week Tom 2‘s girlfriend finally called it quits with the indomitable Stassi Schroeder, who erroneously believes that being a 4th removed descendent of Swedish Royalty (according to Ancestry.com) gives her to the right to demand ultimate servitude. Tom explains that was a longtime coming and very disappointing for Katie who believed Stassi was a true friend.
“I hear Stassi say things like, ‘I’m done.’ Get over it and yourself. It’s exhausting me to see her behave this way. She is seriously corny and is starting to seem like a parody of herself, minus the redeeming stuff,” Tom recounts.