On last night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, Tom Sandoval introduced us to a bass guitar bedecked with dildos, which made more sense than almost everything else happening with this group.
Katie Maloney has been waiting and hoping, begging and whining, pleading and crying to get engaged to Tom Schwartzsince the dawn of Twitter. Maybe even before in the prehistoric age of Facebook. It finally happened so OMG! WEDDING! is her entire life.
Katie bombards Lisa Vanderpump and begs to have her engagement party – a casual BBQ for 50 or so sane people plus one full-scale rampaging case of psychosis (Kristen Doute) and one bitch ghost with a superiority complex who is temporarily angelic in order to wheedle her way back in (Stassi Schroeder). After some hesitation, Lisa decides to let Katie and Tom have the party at Villa Rosa, BUT! Kristen and Stassi are not allowed to come! Katie agrees so fast heads spun exorcist style. Some re-friend she is.
Andy jumps right in and asks Stassi, Katie, Kristen, and Scheana to explain some of their worst moments on Vanderpump Rules. (This is only a half hour show, right?) First up, Kristen sleeping with James Kennedy, on the top of his car, just a couple minutes after he made her cry, “It wasn’t the way that he said that it happened. He is a liar. But it was a huge mistake. HUGE.”
When Katie and Scheana Marie rolled up unannounced on Stassi and Kristen Doute’s “girls trip” in Palm Springs, Lisa admits, “I see a glimpse of sincerity when you see Stassi’s reaction because she’s taken off guard by the arrival of Katie. I think Katie’s plan was ultimately a good one. It’s not one that I recommended, but I think, actually, she was right with her tactic.”
Does anyone else feel like we’re missing something on VanderpumpRules? Besides the obvious lack of maturity? It just feels like we’re not getting the full story regarding TomSandoval and ArianaMadix.
Everyone seems to really despise Tom and Ariana all of the sudden? I refuse to believe the “Dislike” button plaguing these two like a cloud of Axe Body Spray that you got zapped with by the Costco sample lady, is purely about all their friends suddenly lovingKristen Doute. Honestly, has anyone even given a reason for why they want to hang out with Kristen soooo badly. A reason other than “Kristen is FUN!”? Fun does not totally a friendship make.
Other than Saint Kristen pulling of a coup d’etat by winning back the approval of the most-exalted masses of SUR, Stassi Schroeder‘s re-entry into the friend group is causing major anxiety for JaxTaylor and ScheanaMarie, the two worst people in We-Ho!
They dig right in, wanting more info on Stassi’s now infamous ‘sex tape’. Stassi reveals, “Honestly, I only did it like twice.” She then compares it to people who get pregnant after one try, because her sex tape happened after one try. Brandy asks questions, trying to get a better visual of the whole thing. Stassi was naked, alone in the video, and it was filmed on a phone that was propped. “I don’t like reliving this.” Julie and Brandy try to convince her that it probably looks hot. Stassi admits that Scheana told her it looked hot when she saw it. “That did not make me feel better at all.”
Ariana Madix is in a funk. Is that funk is hanging out with Scheana Marie (who complains that Ariana hasn’t been there as much as Scheana needs her to be)? Ariana carries a general malaise that can’t be cured by looking hot in a lace bikini! If shopping doesn’t work like Prozac, something is amiss! It’s not like Ariana is Stassi Schroeder, living on Kristen Doute‘s couch (no, no – not the one she banged Jax on while watching Drive, but more on that couch in a bit!).