Welcome back to Vanderpump Rules, where people miraculously age in reverse – but only in their personalities and maturity levels.
Despite our year-long hiatus, little has changed at SUR, the illustrious sur-vers and their counterparts. Kristen Doute and Stassi Schroeder are back in the full-time rotation, to reign supreme over the dysfunction, with Scheana Marie and Katie Maloney their tittering accomplices. Tom 2 is a mere accessory to their life of crime, the teeny dog shoved in a purse to nip and yap occasionally. And everybody still hates Lala Kent!
I don’t know guys – are we really in for another season of mean girls justifying their own behavior by calling the other person mean? It’s like Vanderpump Rules is just an audition for Real Housewives, a job Stassi presumably believes will be hers as soon as she convinces a Hollywood mogul, or rich business man to marry her. Maybe when Lala’s ‘boyfriend,’ the married guy with 35,022 kids who is passing out free Range Rovers on Halloween, ditches that wife of his Stassi can swoop right in?
After Stassi Schroeder left Vanderpump Rules, life did not exactly work out for her. She had no boyfriend, no friends (in the cast), and she made an enemy that none of us would ever want: Lisa Vanderpump. I will never ever forget LVP telling Stassi to sit down since she was “not important enough to hate.” I have no idea how she didn’t cry right then, but I felt very uncomfortable watching it. So I can’t help being curious about the state of Lisa and Stassi’s relationship now that Stassi is back on the show.
I have no idea why Stassi would ever try to take on Lisa, but she has and I’ve been scared on her behalf ever since. Nevertheless, I am so curious to see how Stassi and Lisa interact during the new Vanderpump Rules episodes.
Vanderpump Rules returns for its fifth season tonight. That means we’ve endured four seasons of binge drinking, bar fighting, cheating scandals, bad boyfriending, bad girlfriending, bad friending, b’atrocious fashions from bad employees who are slinging shots while slinging mud whilst trying Lisa Vanderpump‘s patience! But success tastes like a Pumptini after a long day at Bravo, so before we head into season five – which promises another wedding with another bad wedding gown – let’s refresh our drink-addled memories with a toast to all the craziness from last season!
Because as unrealistic as it is to imagine 30-something bartenders and waitresses who have not evolved at all in their lives and are still bickering over the same puerile topics, we’re all kinda obsessed with the show. Below is a rundown of Vanderpump Rules biggest dramas and scandals from season 4!