We all have very strong opinions about the Real Housewives – that is the understatement of the year, says Reality Tea's comment moderator, I'm sure – and we all have favorites and not so favorites! Personally, I love when nobody takes the shows too seriously, and we all have fun discussing the housewives latest fashion disasters, relationship drama, and friendship explosions.
Andy Cohen, the man responsible for bringing us the best of the best and the worst of the worst, knows the housewives better than anyone. So, when he hosted the CLIO Image Awards for excellence in fashion and beauty last week, Allure Magazine asked Andy to name the "BEST HOUSEWIFE" in several categories. Who's the best dressed? Who's Andy's ideal dinner partner? Who has the best hair and the best booty? A few of the names shocked me!
Sure, she wastes gems by having them put in her teeth, she comes off as the world's biggest nag, and I am not NOT worried about the state of her marriage, but by God, I love Shannon Beador, and last night's Real Housewives of Orange County only affirmed my affections. Not only did she stay true to herself (I like that even though she enjoys spending time with Vicki Gunvalson, she wasn't shy about calling out her mean girl behavior to new girl Lizzie Rovsek), but she managed to make Heather Dubrow look like the ultimate twit (although given how the season has been going thus far, I'm not sure that's quite a feat).
In her Bravo blog highlighting last night's episode, Shannon begins, "I consider Dr. Moon a part of the family so I was really excited when Vicki agreed to see him with me. I love Vicki's spirit — she is open to anything, especially holistic and alternative therapies. Dr. Moon has a theory that when a person is "jammed," energy cannot properly flow through the body for optimum health. He will go through a process to 'de-jam' a patient and one of those areas to 'de-jam' is the tailbone. I know Vicki was joking around, but I want to be clear he does not put his finger in your rear end."
Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Orange County all swore they weren't menopausal. In an effort to prove this they all reverted to acting like 10th graders who had ditched their chaperone on the high school field trip! Woo Hoo! Let's be bitches.
Vicki Gunvalson and Shannon Beador have connected over their mutual crazy and empty love tanks. Shannon knows just how to temporarily fill hers and she's letting Vicki in on her little secret: Dr. Moon! They pay a visit to his office where Vicki gets acupuncture and demands to check her email because "work! work! work!" and relax-schmelax! She asks Dr. Moon when he's gonna fill up her love tank and he stuck his finger up her butt. I kid you not! Shannon said Dr. Moon "de-jammed it". I think I'd rather have an empty love tank…
Shannon and new bestie Vicki go get their nails done with Tamra Barney. "You need good nails," Vicki instructs. But apparently you don't need good plastic surgery or frizz free hair. Or good boyfriends. Tamra is still harping about this ugly sweater Christmas party and it was like so horrible having to wear a funky polyester themed sweater. My, my has she become snobby! Who does Tamra think she is – Heather Dubrow? Speaking of which, Tamra and Vicki complain about Heather's pretensions and arrogance. Shannon – so happy to have friends and so happy to feel loved and included (finally someone likes her besides vodka!) – decides she too has a problem with how condescending Heather is. I mean there was that one time Heather snickered about Shannon putting diamonds in her teeth.
Well, it's about damn time! I was starting to wonder if we'd ever meet the elusive Lizzie Rovsek, but finally she made an appearance on Monday's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County. I wasn't expecting much, but I loved the way she held her own with the other women. Lizzie even impressed the walking thesaurus and the fitness maven in one fell swoop! She commemorates her inaugural episode in her first ever Bravo blog.
Of her grand, yet clumsy, entrance (a girl after my own heart!) begins, "'Here I am!!!' I definitely wanted to make an impression on my first episode, but falling to the ground at my first party was not my intention. I can blame that on the new pair of platform heels I had on, nerves, or maybe it was that little step down out the patio door at Danielle's house…Ahhhhh, but in any case I hope it shows all of you how real I am. We all fall down now and then, no biggie, shake it off and move on. I was worried how I might appear on the show, but as a whole, you just met Lizzie–and it's pretty close to form. I'm a friendly, happy, outgoing person, self-deprecating at times and a little sarcastic. As you get to know me more as the season continues, I hope you see in me my honest heart and genuine spirit."
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County we met newbie Lizzie Rovsek, who definitely proved she's no trophy wife! Other newbie Danielle Gregorio hosted an Ugly Sweater Christmas party, which college kids have been doing since the dawn of Greek civilization. Instead of cranberry Jello shots, Danielle is serving cranberry champagne punch with very expensive 'champs', something that really chaps Heather Dubrow's notion of propriety. She's going to have to send Danielle an instructional guide to Champs, complete with illustrations.
Tamra Barney is pretty bent out of shape about having to participate in an ugly sweater affair – this coming from the woman who hosted an 80's themed Bunko party. "I'm not really into ugly," Tamra complains. I guess Tamra only supports ugly when it comes to her own ugly personality!
This is like a unicorn sighting! A Real Housewife admitting when she's wrong! Heather Dubrow is very sorry for talking to Tamra Judge's husband Eddie about their "baby issues" and even apologizes!
Last night onThe Real Housewives of Orange County, Heather pulled Eddie aside to dish a little on what Tamra told her about having another baby. When Eddie approached Tamra to ask her not to share such personal things with Heather, Tamra was obviously pretty irked at Heather. And Heather is truly sorry for the whole thing.
We're still at Shannon's dinner party and tensions are running high. I blame Shannon and her non-organic vodka and her totally toxic marriage, despite the efforts of radiation detectors. Where's the detector that detects the bad vibes Shannon radiates?! She's got everyone gripping their knives for protection and wondering when the next onslaught is going to come. At least the food was good – everyone talks about the food – and the house.
Heather is most on edge of all. Fancy Pants doesn't like the new girl with her shi-shi-shi house giving her a run for her fancy pants money. To assert her crown Heather starts taking it out on the little people. She tells Vicki to hush (which finally, somebody did!) and stop interrupting while Shannon tells her Unhappily Married Support Group opener about how she was the girl who could never be alone and then she married David because well, he said hey!