Well, seasons change, and the women are once again on the outs thanks to wedding gown shopping and Reba McEntire. "Here's your one chance Fancy, don't let me down." But let each other down both fancy pants did, and now they are back to snarking about each other on social media. That didn't take long. Full circle, some might say…
If ever there was a reason to say no to a proposal, it was an autotune-botched warbling of a wannabe Taylor Swift. And that proposal came courtesy of Gretchen Rossi. But of course Slade Smiley, who has been practicing the trickling of a single tear in the mirror for weeks, did not say no. Oh no … HE said yes! And it was all over-acted to puke-fection.
So yeah, let's start there shall we with the Real Housewives of Orange County proposal that just went on and on and on and on. Phase One: Slade at work at his radio station pretending he has a job like doing things on the radio. I was always convinced he just put up some microphones in Gretchen's overly cluttered garage, but apparently Radio Slade is a for realz thing.
Slade's partner announces a new song. A voice, a voice like mystic magic floating over clouds of heaven comes soaring over the airways. 'That sound…' gasps Slade staring off into the distance. I think someone has been watching The Sound Of Music… That voice, that he does not recognize because even WITH heavily deployed autotune it still sounds flat, plastic, and phony as hell (not unlike its owner), is Gretchen. And that song is asking him to marry him.
Oh thank goodness Gretchen Rossi is making money off the uber romantical and so super special and intimate proposal song she (and a team of Bravo hired producers) wrote for Slade Smiley.
That's soooooooooo special, y'all. Like the most beyond special-ist thing ever! So yeah, if you want to own your own little piece of television's most loving moment like ever you can buy it on iTunes.
The audio for this stunning love ballad is below. And you can be assured that autotune has been heavily deployed, even though like Gretchen doesn't need it because Real Housewives of Orange County producers intentionally made her sound worse on the show, just like because they're mean and like hate her and stuff! Not at all because she can't actually sing…
You know, I have mad respect for how hard the ladies of the housewives' franchise work. When they aren't filming drama-licious episodes, they are on a constant media tour, touting their products, and giving a whirlwind of interviews. Of course, we all know that no housewife is on her game more than Real Housewives of New Jersey'sTeresa Giudice, and you have to give her mad respect for that!
Speaking to Out In Jersey, Tre dishes on everything from her favorite dishes (what a segue!) to her family dramz. Of her latest cookbook Fabulicious On The Grill, Teresa opines, "It's really refreshing right?! This book is all about eating clean, and exercising of course. You are what you eat, people need to get that by now," adding, "I've been exercising for the past two seasons and it's been great, they really go hand in hand. I cook the way you see in the book, simple and easy, and always with fresh ingredients. That's really what people need to understand, it doesn't have to be fancy. You can make a great meal with fresh and simple ingredients."
Teresa also reveals that she's always had a passion for cooking, and she hopes that her girls will share her love of all things culinary. She says, "I'm first generation Italian, it's definitely what I love to do. The cooking, the cleaning, all of the traditional things like that, like the old days. I really think that the new generation loses that, and it's really important. Those are the things that were instilled in me, like keeping a good house and having old school values. I want my daughters to do these things for their families, which is what really inspired me to do the books. It's a memoir for my daughters to have for the future."
Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was pretty boring. And by boring I mean tragic. And deafening. Gretchen Rossi tried to sing but she forgot to bring the big, pink plastic handbag holding her autotune with her. Oh the results were more tragic than a Made in Sweatshop plasticine Gretchen Christine handbag. Also plastic her face and now her lips. We'll discuss in a minute…
Moving on to other adventures in RHOC things, are still a mess betweenVicki Gunvalson and Brooks. And by a mess I mean Vicki's life and hair are sadly reflecting her inner life. Get a brush and comb things out. Seriously – get a smoothing serum too. And call Dr. V.
So let's begin… Gretchen has returned from Whistler and her friendship with Tamra Barney is as frozen and icy as her face. Did I mention her hair doesn't move either but it permanently looks wind swept? How? Mystery of science if I've ever seen one. Let's call Myth Busters!
Tamra Barney (the reality star now known as Tamra Judge) stopped by the clubhouse on Watch What Happens Live and while she was hanging out she cleared up the Malibu Country misunderstandings, talked about having babies with Eddie Judge and more.
Andy started the show off rolling some of the tape from Gretchen Rossi's lunch with Alexis and asked Tamra if Gretchen has been overdoing the Botox because her face was so frozen. Tamra added, "It was like no emotion at all and this used to be her best friend. I kinda felt bad for Alexis."
They dove right in to address the Malibu Country role (again!) Tamra attempted to clear it up. "I think the whole story wasn't told. I think that Gretchen did get a call for a part that was not the part that Heather got, clearly. And I think there were some Beverly Hills housewives, Alexis was called. It was a role as an extra. So what happened was as soon as Heather got a main role, that extra role was canceled. But the thing is is that Gretchen kept up with "I got the role, I got the role" when there was no role to get. The role got shut down. Heather shut it down. So then Gretchen lied about it and said she got it."