This may sound a bit odd, but I've taken to thinking of Teen Mom 2 (actually the entire franchise) as MTV's personal Truman Show. It's not true, it's just the network's way of punking everyone everywhere. In fact, it's getting to be the only way I can rationalize these girls and their unapologetically abhorrent behavior (that includes you, Farrah Abraham!). It has to be some sort of joke or satirical take on modern society, right?
In my head, Jenelle Evans is using this as her doctoral thesis, and Leah Messer Sims Calvert is planning to use her footage to create a poignant yet ironic documentary on the importance of self-esteem and the teenage girl. Kailyn Lowry is working undercover to fix glitches in the family court that allow one parent to abuse the legal system just to get back at the ex who scorned them…she's good at her job, by the way. Finally, Chelsea Houska is having the last laugh, as she's actually fluent in eight languages (whining is the ninth!), and she's testing a scientific theory regarding how high pitched and nasally a voice must be before viewers press the mute button. Well played, ladies. Well played. Too bad my alternate Teen Mom universe is just one blogger's sad delusions.
So, let's get to last night's episode, shall we? Jenelle is recovering from her boob job, and she can't wait until she's fully recovered so she can spend some time with Jace. Sadly, that won't happen until the poor child is at least eighteen. Gary is taking good care of her, and Jenelle wants to talk about three things: 1) Kieffer; 2) what Gary thinks of her new ta-tas; and 3) Kieffer. Oh, wait… Kieffer has been texting Jenelle, and Gary isn't willing to lose his "career" to fight with such a loser if he decides to come visit. He'd rather get back to checking out Jenelle's new rack.
Since Jenelle Evans is the reigning train wreck on Teen Mom 2, someone needs to step up to the plate in the original franchise…especially with Amber Portwood stories at a lull due to her incarceration. Leave it to Farrah Abraham to take over the role as most idiotic Teen Mom. Speaking out about her recent DUI arrest (you know, the one where she blew nearly twice the legal limit!), Farrah wants to set the record straight about what happened. Clearly, it wasn't her fault.
Blaming her sister, mainly, and being sick, in part, Farrah wants everyone to believe she didn't do anything wrong. I'm actually insulted that she truly thinks that people will be dumb enough to buy into her ridiculous story. Add in the arrogance of seeking out a media outlet to spread her crap, and I'm totally befuddled by little Miss Farrah. Geez.
Things are heating up in the assault case and yesterday Courtland's mom, Holley Rogers, along with Courtland's sister, Carson Rogers, were subpoenaed to court. Our source tells us, "The charges are false and those that are close with the family feel that Jenelle will get in trouble in the end."
I don't know about you, but I wish the producers of Teen Mom 2 would ban their little starlets from any type of social media and ban them from the tabloids…at least during the season. I'd be a lot more inclined to root for Jenelle Evans if I didn't know what a train wreck she's become. Also, I'd be more invested inLeah Messer Simms Calvert's love triangle and Kailyn Lowry's attempt to make Jo jealous if I didn't already know the ending. As for Chelsea Houska, I'm glad to see that beauty school is going so well…but that's the only surprise of the season!
Kailyn is finished with school for the summer, and she's excited to spend more time with Javi and Isaac. I'll give it to Javi…he's really great with Isaac. Of course, she's yet to set up any kind of co-parenting counseling with Jo. Kailyn is ready for Javi to move in since he's spent every night at her place for months. Let's break it down…she's ready for Javi to stop freeloading and help with the rent and the cleaning. Kailyn admits she doesn't want to hold against him the fact that she foots the bill should the two argue. Again, I find it hilarious (and I know I write this every week!) that she wants a live-in boyfriend, yet Jo's girlfriend can't even be on the same premises as Isaac. Kailyn is just ready to get married. At twenty, she isn't getting any younger. MTV needs a swift kick in the pants for glorifying these girls!
Well, they lit that flame on Wednesday, and that is, like, an eternity ago in the world in which Jenelle lives. Today, the Teen Mom 2 star shared that she's "SINGLE" and committed to "being addicted to relationships" therapy. Oy vey.
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR MORE! HURRY!
CAUSE HER RELATIONSHIP STATUS IS BOUND TO CHANGE ANY SECOND!
I know I sound like a broken record with every recap of Teen Mom 2, but these girls are a broken record, so it's technically not my fault. Jenelle Evans keeps going back to Keiffer (and weed), and Chelsea Houska just can't get Adam's name from escaping her mouth every two seconds. Leah Messer Simms Calvert can't make up her mind between Corey and Jeremy, and Kailyn Lowry can't contain her growing jealously for Jo's girlfriend Vee. It's the exact same thing every week…except they are wearing different PINK sweat pants! Let's get started dishing on last night's episode, shall we?
Not surprisingly, Jenelle hasn't seen Jace or Barbara since she got off probation. She and Keiffer are happy to be back together and smoking up a storm…even though she's trying to keep things under control. Yeah, right. She asks him what will be different this time around, and he assures her that it won't. Um, what? Kidding! He's been in jail, and she's gone to rehab. They have grown up so much. Jenelle still wants to take things *slow.*
Kailyn and Jo are heading back to court to discuss custody. She doesn't want Vee around Isaac. Ever. I hope the judge kicks Javi to the curb if he agrees to that. Could she want a bigger double standard? Jo calls to reveal that he is moving to New Jersey to be closer to work, but it won't affect any of the drop offs or custody arrangements. He plans to stay with his parents whenever he has Isaac. Kailyn sullenly reminds him that she will NOT drive an extra hour to accommodate his new living arrangement. Jo politely reminds her that she won't have to…wasn't she listening thirty seconds ago? He is also unsure whether Vee will be moving in with him. Oh gracious! Again, I love how Kailyn threatened to move to Texas so Jo wouldn't get to see Isaac often, yet Jo moving an hour away and changing nothing is so horrible. Plus, hasn't she been complaining that he needs to move out of his parents' house? At his new apartment, Jo shares his frustrations about Kailyn with Vee. Jo isn't ready for Vee to move in yet. Is he the most mature one on the show?
This time she stayed for about a week. As soon as she returned to civilization – if you can call twitter civilization – Jenelle hopped on twitter to get in a fight with ex-husband who still loves publicity her, Courtland Rogers for spending time with his babymama, Taylor Lewis.
Let's break this down!
First up, Jenelle flees rehab again:
“Jenelle just needed to spend some time trying to figure things out,” a source tells RadarOnline. “She doesn’t think she really needs it. She’s ready to live her life like a normal person not on drugs or dealing with the crappy guys who were around her.”
When he's not professing his undying love for Jenelle Evans on twitter, Courtland Rogers has been begging tabloids to call him. Hey – he's unemployed and needs the money.
Well it seems he's finally gotten his day in the sun. One day after Jenelle's attorney announced that the Teen Mom 2 star is in rehab for unspecified drugs, Courtland is revealing just what substance led her to treatment.
Unshockingly Courtland reveals that when they married they weren't in a coherent frame of mind.
"Jenelle and I of course are still married. There’s a reason for that. The reason being that when we first got together we were both not doing too good on prescription drugs. We had problems," Courtlandshares with OK! Magazine.